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Yep, I'm a newbie.

For as long as I can remember, I've been dealing with depression and anxiety. More so the anxiety in my younger years. I can remember always feeling my heart beat hard whenever I had to do 'social' activities, like standing in front of the class or just simply working with others. I don't know if I would necessarily call that social anxiety (never been to a professional to confirm this), but considering how much I stressed about being around other people, I wouldn't be surprised. Needless to say, this (along with being an only child and being sheltered) has made me asocial, which has lead me to have a near non-existent support system.

Sure, I have my parents. But, they are not very understanding nor patient. And they also have mental illnesses of their own, which makes it even more difficult. The best advice I get....is either religious (which I'm not), or "Snap out of it. You just need to do more."

I have friends (or more like associates), but I have little to no desire to talk to them. And even if I did, I don't feel they would understand nor want to hear my 'down' times.

I have one close friend who's going through depression, so he understands me. Unfortunately, I carry intense romantic feelings for him that are...~sigh~ not being received. So, even that connection is strained, and is one of the major components to my depression. It's honestly hard to stay friends knowing it will not go further, but he's the only true source of support I have. I'm currently trying to '****' off these feelings for the sake of our friendship, but it is not working. 

All of this combined with school and life in general has made my depression much worse than before. I feel alone in this mental 'war', trying so hard to just make it through the day without crashing. I seem to find many things futile, or I end up thinking of the worst possible out comes, leading me to lose all motivation. 

Thus, I decided to finally reach out for help. Or just....support. So I don't feel so alone anymore...

 

 

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On May 20, 2016 at 1:28 PM, NRG said:

Yep, I'm a newbie.

For as long as I can remember, I've been dealing with depression and anxiety. More so the anxiety in my younger years. I can remember always feeling my heart beat hard whenever I had to do 'social' activities, like standing in front of the class or just simply working with others. I don't know if I would necessarily call that social anxiety (never been to a professional to confirm this), but considering how much I stressed about being around other people, I wouldn't be surprised. Needless to say, this (along with being an only child and being sheltered) has made me asocial, which has lead me to have a near non-existent support system.

Sure, I have my parents. But, they are not very understanding nor patient. And they also have mental illnesses of their own, which makes it even more difficult. The best advice I get....is either religious (which I'm not), or "Snap out of it. You just need to do more."

I have friends (or more like associates), but I have little to no desire to talk to them. And even if I did, I don't feel they would understand nor want to hear my 'down' times.

I have one close friend who's going through depression, so he understands me. Unfortunately, I carry intense romantic feelings for him that are...~sigh~ not being received. So, even that connection is strained, and is one of the major components to my depression. It's honestly hard to stay friends knowing it will not go further, but he's the only true source of support I have. I'm currently trying to '****' off these feelings for the sake of our friendship, but it is not working. 

All of this combined with school and life in general has made my depression much worse than before. I feel alone in this mental 'war', trying so hard to just make it through the day without crashing. I seem to find many things futile, or I end up thinking of the worst possible out comes, leading me to lose all motivation. 

Thus, I decided to finally reach out for help. Or just....support. So I don't feel so alone anymore...

 

 

Hi NRG, 

i can see how it can be difficult to be around your friend for support bc the feelings you have, I'm sure, are creating anxiety and worsening how you feel bc he's not reciprocating. So, how can you talk to him about him and how you feel? 

ive been there with the whole snap out of it, my good friend told me, geez you're in such deep despair, aka- get over it. Yes, he nodded his head in irritation. It makes you feel worse bc then you basically have to hide your depression and glue that fake mask on your face. Yup, just paint cement glue all over that mother and slap I on. Ughhhhhh.

I can't turn to anyone except my counselor or keep things in my head, which as you know, it builds up. Do you have a counselor?

posting here is a great way to just flush your feelings out of your head. I just started a blog here. That may be a good idea for you to do. It really doesn't matter if people read it or not as long as it gives you something to do. It'll serve as a way to express yourself and feel a little bit not as depressed after you post. 

:console:

 

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On 5/28/2016 at 11:46 PM, SFChristianGirl said:

Welcome to the forum.

JJ

Thanks for the welcome~ : ) Glad to be here!

On 5/28/2016 at 11:48 PM, Teddyg said:

Just trying this out. How's the night going for ya. Hot day today 

My nights have been going pretty well. And yeah, it has been quite hot these past few days. Summer's already here! : )

On 5/28/2016 at 0:35 AM, mulberrypie said:

Hello, and welcome! Love your profile pic!! Take care, see you around the forums!

Aww, thanks! The pic is fitting for me. : p  I'll see you around the forums as well!

On 5/28/2016 at 1:04 AM, ejc said:

Hi NRG, 

i can see how it can be difficult to be around your friend for support bc the feelings you have, I'm sure, are creating anxiety and worsening how you feel bc he's not reciprocating. So, how can you talk to him about him and how you feel? 

ive been there with the whole snap out of it, my good friend told me, geez you're in such deep despair, aka- get over it. Yes, he nodded his head in irritation. It makes you feel worse bc then you basically have to hide your depression and glue that fake mask on your face. Yup, just paint cement glue all over that mother and slap I on. Ughhhhhh.

I can't turn to anyone except my counselor or keep things in my head, which as you know, it builds up. Do you have a counselor?

posting here is a great way to just flush your feelings out of your head. I just started a blog here. That may be a good idea for you to do. It really doesn't matter if people read it or not as long as it gives you something to do. It'll serve as a way to express yourself and feel a little bit not as depressed after you post. 

:console:

 

I've talked to him about it, and he understands. But it hasn't helped. I honestly feel as if he doesn't really care. That could just be me being negative, though. I'm currently trying to maintain this friendship without being 'love-blind'. It's harder than I expected, but I'm hanging in there.

I don't currently have a counselor. I have problems with accepting help without feeling like a bother to others. Also, money is an issue...

I hope posting here helps. This site is much more supportive compared to Tumblr, Facebook, etc. I'm happy to have found others who are understanding~

 

Thanks to all of you for welcoming me~ : D

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On 5/29/2016 at 0:04 PM, NRG said:

Thanks for the welcome~ : ) Glad to be here!

My nights have been going pretty well. And yeah, it has been quite hot these past few days. Summer's already here! : )

Aww, thanks! The pic is fitting for me. : p  I'll see you around the forums as well!

I've talked to him about it, and he understands. But it hasn't helped. I honestly feel as if he doesn't really care. That could just be me being negative, though. I'm currently trying to maintain this friendship without being 'love-blind'. It's harder than I expected, but I'm hanging in there.

I don't currently have a counselor. I have problems with accepting help without feeling like a bother to others. Also, money is an issue...

I hope posting here helps. This site is much more supportive compared to Tumblr, Facebook, etc. I'm happy to have found others who are understanding~

 

Thanks to all of you for welcoming me~ : D

You have strength. it's hard to love or be in love and it not be reciprocated. do what you need to, but try to protect your heart asmuch as you can.

accepting help is hard, but counseling is a good option to consider if you are ever ready. I think counselors look forward to helping, its why they studied psychology and did their crazy amount of therapy hours to get their license. just think of it this way, that person likely got helped and was motivated to pursue a career in helping others. so, what if they help you? what you learn can help someone else and so on.

im broke too, i found a health center that has MFT and social worker interns that been trained in therapy. i know its not the same as a Ph.D or a psychiatrist, but it is cheaper and actually i've been to all 3 types, and I'm with a social worker counselor and she's by far the most attentive person. plus her hourly is cheaper and in some places you can do sliding scale.

sometimes universities have programs where student trainee's can offer counseling. the talking cure can be effective as opposed to keeping things inside. :console:

 

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