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vega57

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Why is it that after having a productive and dare I say a rather enjoyable morning things change rather rapidly?  I accompanied my son inlaw to his job this morning and actually had a good time; I jumped in and did some work, met some fine people and just had a good time. Than I  com home and my mental outlook changes. Sadness starts setting in and then I'm depressed again. Sometimes I start thinking about things that are going on and it just depresses me but today it was completely opposite, first the sadness then depression then I start thinking about these things. It seems to me that my depression has been working this way lately. Any ideas, comments or suggestions?  I would greatly appreciate some feed back. Txs.

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I don't know if this is helpful at all. You used the words "my depression". 

Actually I think when you "own" your depression you are on your way to taking charge of "your" depression.

There is a nature to depression that tries to suck us into the metaphorical darkness/ emptiness. I really believe everyone has this vast emptiness but we don't all sink into it.

The trick perhaps is put this metaphorical emptiness to use for our benefit.

If the depression/emptiness/darkness is always there , then we may as well learn how to put it to use.

I think this can only work if one understands the power of metaphorical tools.

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Could it be that you're extroverted? You mentioned being with your son-in-law, then meeting some other fine people and having a nice time til you got home and started thinking about things. When I'm with others, I am out of myself. I like to engage with people. Being social helps me a lot.

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16 hours ago, vega57 said:

Why is it that after having a productive and dare I say a rather enjoyable morning things change rather rapidly?  I accompanied my son inlaw to his job this morning and actually had a good time; I jumped in and did some work, met some fine people and just had a good time. Than I  com home and my mental outlook changes. Sadness starts setting in and then I'm depressed again. Sometimes I start thinking about things that are going on and it just depresses me but today it was completely opposite, first the sadness then depression then I start thinking about these things. It seems to me that my depression has been working this way lately. Any ideas, comments or suggestions?  I would greatly appreciate some feed back. Txs.

I think you're extroverted. Unlike introverts, people around you increase your attention and energy and you feel the need to spend more time with people. My suggestion is that you should try having some more company in your life, but not in the sense of having more people, but with certain ones.

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I used to be introverted and still am I suppose to an extent but because of this I really missed out on forming relationships outside my family and limited circle of friends. And yes I now do enjoy talking to people I normally would not, my family thinks I'm a bit weird now. Lol. I spent to many years missing out on getting to know some awesome people and just talking to others. Thank you. 

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On 5/19/2016 at 7:54 PM, Oscar K said:

I don't know if this is helpful at all. You used the words "my depression". 

Actually I think when you "own" your depression you are on your way to taking charge of "your" depression.

There is a nature to depression that tries to suck us into the metaphorical darkness/ emptiness. I really believe everyone has this vast emptiness but we don't all sink into it.

The trick perhaps is put this metaphorical emptiness to use for our benefit.

If the depression/emptiness/darkness is always there , then we may as well learn how to put it to use.

I think this can only work if one understands the power of metaphorical tools.

You are so right, until I accepted my depression and that barring a new medical breakthrough or miracle, well, this is my life or one aspect of it because it's definitely not the whole me. Once I COMPLETELY accepted it was I able to move forward. I've tried many things to live along with my depression and at least for me looking inward, which involves different things, has helped quite a bit. Thank you. 

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Hello, Vega57!  It looks like you enjoyed your time at your son-in-law’s work place which made you happy.  A practical step would be to look for things to do to keep your mind off your negative feelings.  Maybe you could pursue an activity, sport, or hobby that you enjoy and that makes you feel good.  Physical exercise has the added benefit of helping to relieve negative emotions naturally, too.  Also, you might find these links helpful: http://bit.ly/1QqfUvc and http://bit.ly/21BDeRp.

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I have a similar pattern.  When I am out and about with others I can feel almost perfectly fine but when alone my head starts to ruminate. We obviously can't be out with others all the time so it is partly a matter of forming new habits when we are alone.  I can't say for sure but rather suspect that those who are like us tend to have some false ideas about who we are.  Our depression is rooted in negative views about ourselves or our ability to move through the world in some fashion.  It is important to listen to what the rumination is saying.  Hearing our inner dialogue and getting curious about why it is saying what it is saying is the best way to get to the root of our depression.  But once we have taken notice and allowed the thoughts to have a voice it becomes more beneficial to find ways to redirect our thoughts away from rumination.  We can counter the defeating thoughts with more life affirming thoughts.  Very often depressed people fall into the trap of unrealistic pessimism.  We often hear about unrealistic optimism but not much about it's opposite.  When we have unrealistic pessimism we think in black and all or all or nothing thinking.  If we aren't perfect or doing things perfectly or reaching some arbitrary ideal then we completely lack worth which is far from the truth.  But we have to take the time to root out these false beliefs and ideas and change them out for more compassionate understanding beliefs and ideas.  Challenging the false beliefs can help but if our brain is simply too dead set on putting us and our world down then simply refusing to engage it may be the best we can do at the time.  and on those moments finding things to distract ourselves can be helpful like listening to good music, reading a book, watching a funny movie or working on a hobby.  The point of it is to start to notice our inner dialogue and shifting feelings so we can head them off at the pass and redirect them so they don't take over our whole being.  It's called mindfulness and it does work but it takes time because our brains our creatures of habit and become use to responding in specific ways regardless if it is positive or negative.  But we can also retrain our brain to respond in more life affirming ways, it just take time and practice and getting at the hurt to heal it.  So good for you that you are noticing.  That really is a huge first step.  Now it is a matter of learning a bit more about yourself based on what you are noticing and then finding new ways to look at yourself.  Take care.

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Looking inward, I mean really looking isn't very easy. I want to blame my depression for all negatives in my life and though it definitely has skewed my thought process there are times when I most likely am not able or should not have put all the blame on my depression for bad decisions, actions and choices. Many times I chose to separate myself from family, friends and society party I suppose because of it and partly because I just plain wanted to and now I'm trying to make up for a bit but I so much enjoy talking to new people so when I am home it does in fact bum me out a bit. I used to think that i enjoyed being alone more than what I actually do though there are times when I still need alone time and being with family only but I'm looking forward to the next time I go help my son inlaw. Now if only I could get paid in actually money instead of only some great time and food. Lol. 

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8 hours ago, vega57 said:

Looking inward, I mean really looking isn't very easy. I want to blame my depression for all negatives in my life and though it definitely has skewed my thought process there are times when I most likely am not able or should not have put all the blame on my depression for bad decisions, actions and choices. Many times I chose to separate myself from family, friends and society party I suppose because of it and partly because I just plain wanted to and now I'm trying to make up for a bit but I so much enjoy talking to new people so when I am home it does in fact bum me out a bit. I used to think that i enjoyed being alone more than what I actually do though there are times when I still need alone time and being with family only but I'm looking forward to the next time I go help my son inlaw. Now if only I could get paid in actually money instead of only some great time and food. Lol. 

No it isn't easy.  Looking inward can seem to make it worse but actually is an important step in the healing process.  My healing really only began once I stopped running and really looked at my inner dialogue for what it was.  I finally let it be what it was regardless if they were thoughts I should or shouldn't have.  I was running like mad from the ones I thought I shouldn't have thinking that would keep me safe or that meant I was fine when really my internal emotional life was a total mess. But the honesty was important so i could finally say to myself that this is what I need to deal with once and for all.  It's a bit confusing at times and I felt myself going in circles trying to sort it all out but eventually things start to become clear. Just try to be gentle with yourself if you find you are beating yourself up with your inner dialogue.  We really can be pretty brutal on ourselves in ways we would never be with others.  Most of us in a lot of ways could stand to learn to give ourselves more of a break.  We really are doing the best we can.  Take care.  

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Thank you. I try everyday but some days are much harder than others. The one thing that really bothers me about getting older is looking in the rear view mirror more than I should or want because it's to darn clear. A little fog wouldn't be so bad once in a while. Lol. 

I was talking to my sister in law Martha yesterday, she's the one dying from cancer about life in general, she told me that dying isn't so bad but the process is. I asked what she meant and she said the regret part of it, the what if"s but not one time did she mention the what could have been. She doesn't get depressed about the actual dying part but she does about the suffering and lingering part. My sister said basically the same thing. 

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