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Former Best Friend Shaming


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Hi all,

I feel as if my best friend betrayed my trust in him. When we first started talking in early 2014, we hit things off quite well. So well it didn't take us too long to become as tight as brothers. We attended several events together, chatted just about every day about our common interests. Even in the short amount of time we knew each other, 2014 was a great year for us both. He was the big brother...family I never really had. 


I have a alcoholic father who has the bad habit of mentally abusing me (which is a whole different story. I'll save that for another post later.), my mother died about 7-8 years ago. In the time I lived with her while was still alive, my life was nothing but hell. We were dirt poor. Mainly due to because she didn't have a job, and relied off of Social Security, as well as my Father's Child Support. Once a month, we would go to the store, and stock up on as much food as we could. Even then, that wasn't enough. A lot of nights we starved while she used up every last penny she had on cigarettes. She would even beg others for some cigarettes. My mom smoked so much, that I'm not really surprised by her death. She was terribly ill because of it. And I lived with that up until I was 14. When I went to school, I had no friends to talk to, instead I got bullied on daily basis. So I always avoided going to school, using every excuse in the book to not go just for the sake of not getting bullied. And they worked...most of the time. A lot of the weeks I only attended 2-3 days. After the age 14, my Dad separated me from my Mom and I barley ever heard from her again. I heard from her on very rare occasion, but that was it. And she died. I was only left with my Father who always treated me like I was crap. No siblings, no friends, my outside family barley wants anything to do with my Dad and I because "they have their own lives". I cried many nights throughout the years during the time I lived with my Mom and Dad. All I wanted was a real family, friends to care for me...

Fast forward to the present. As a result from my difficult past, I'm struck with a severe mental illness which I hardly know how to control. When my buddy, Charles finally heard of my history and about my illness, out of compassion, he took me under his wing, and looked out for me every since. It was then when I thought things were finally going to be okay. It was a time of healing for me. Until 2015. He turned on me. Charles went from this brother who always looked out for me, and I for him to this man who always shamed me for the illness I couldn't control. 

As You know, mental illness is nearly impossible to get over. I'm taking medication to help me cope but as hard as I try, all I get in return is him going on about how he's given me so many chances already, as if he's that close to just giving up on me.  He goes on about about what I put him thru, about how he deserves happiness. Sure personal health is important, but issue here is, I'm not included. He took my illness, and made most of it about him. That hurt me more than anything. So bad that I'd yell and fight with him often because of how he bullied me. When I try to mentally move forward for the sake of our relationship, he constantly reminded me of my failures, and sometimes mocked me sending me backwards. And in his view, it was somehow my fault even though I was the one being shamed. I hardly ever shamed him because I know better. No one deserves to be treated that way. 

At this exact moment, I am blocked from him on Facebook so hes not even talking to me, even if I tried to talk to him. Days before he blocked me, dropped our brotherhood because I guess I'm too much of a burden. He knew how much of a need I am of a family to be there, but he didn't care anymore. I'm waiting for the time he starts talking to me again so we can talk this out...again. But I don't know if its worth it. Hes the only humanly friend I have, and I don't want to lose him. Please help me...

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I'm actually here from another thread, but I wanted to reply to your post. It sounds like you are in great need of help.

From what you explained, it sounds to me like you are both still young men, (correct me if I'm wrong), so perhaps he's at an age where he needs to spread his own wings and he probably just wants to hang out with friends and date and do all of the regular activities that young men his age like to do. Perhaps he was feeling that he had no more time for those other things he wanted in his life. At this point, he may have lashed out at you, not because you're bad, but perhaps he just felt trapped by something he was unable to handle. He probably wanted you as a friend, but perhaps he wasn't ready to take care of someone who has an illness. This is not your fault at all, so please don't blame yourself. It also might not be his fault either. There is no excuse for him to abuse or bully you, so don't take it that way, but he may have his own limitations that prevented him from being able to take care of you the way you needed him to. (I wasn't there during your arguments with him, so I don't know what really went on.) If he turned abusive then I am sorry to hear that.

I would advise you to *not* try to contact him for a while because it sounds like what he needs the most right now is a lot of space and time. In the meantime, try to make some new friends.

If you get SSI or some other disability aid, maybe there is free help available for you that would benefit you, like a therapist, for example. I'm not saying you're crazy, but therapists can sometimes help you to sort things out and give you clarity about important things in your life. If you don't receive benefits, maybe now is the time to apply and see if you can make some changes for the better.

I hope some of what I said is helpful. I'm sorry that you have had such a hard life with your parents, etc. That can't be easy to deal with. Also, I am sorry to hear that things didn't work out with your friend. But life often gets better, so don't lose hope.

Edited by Seeker2
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