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Extremely depressed and lonely


Christine9

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Hi,

I wanted to share the pain I'm going through. I am 26 and I have had depression since high school and I feel it is getting worse. For the past 10 years my psychiatrist would always tell me to take some medication for a couple of months, and I'd get better soon. Except I never got better and those months turned into years, and I am still stuck in this dark hole I can't get out of. 

The worst part is knowing that I am so ****** lonely that I feel the loneliness is destroying me. I look back at my life and find I have no friends. I do have a job and my own place but I only have my parents who are very supportive of my depression, but goodness I feel more depressed just being with them. I see all those people outside, around my age, hanging out in groups, or as a couple. The couple part kills me the most. I can't imagine being 30, 40, and still only have my parents. I want a boyfriend just like anyone else my age but I have no confidence and who would see anything beyond this weird 26 year old still with her parents?

Many days I feel like just ending it all. I find myself obsessing about it. Making plans and brainstorming ways. I know I am really really mentally sick and probably should get locked up. If they lock me up they'll pop more pills down my throat and that is not going to magically provide me with friends/love/whatever I need socially.

I am losing hope. I've held out for 10 years, I don't know how much longer I can stand it. I absolutely hate myself and feel I am a hopeless case. 

I don't know what I hope to get out of posting this but thank you for taking the time to read it. Do any of you feel as hopeless as I do? Do you think I'd ever get better? 

~Christine 

 

Edited by Christine9
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I think it definitely gets better. I was once in that situation.. but I think that there's groups out there for you. Social groups , institutions and societies are designed for this. Just make sure you get out there and have a good time, and remember that what you need to do now is focus on making friends, and also know that some friends are bad people.. but the ones that you want are the nice, good people. Also, remember to give them space and just have a good time and don't put too much pressure on yourself. That way, you'll get to enjoy and be happy just the way you want to be... and also get a new lease at life. I understand how  much loneliness hurts, and it doesn't have to be that way anymore.

You'll always have me as a friend and you can count on me! :) Get into more social situations and remember that you're the maker of your destiny, and that you'll be able to make things better for other people too! You're more powerful than you know :)

Edited by Hairpy Burpday
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Hi, Christine.

Does anyone else feel the same you do? Yes me, the two biggest differences between you and me. First gender female to male and second age 26 to my 25. I know how you feel about being alone and truly not wanting to be. Waking in the morning next to no one, coming home to no one, having no one to hold you in a scary movie comes on. It sucks I know, you can also talk to me, I am a good listener.

Better? How about stable, let's start there. Everyone has depression or has depressive moments in there life. I have been depressed a long time I guess but I never believed it, so I was blind to what I could not see. But now its like a floodgate as been opened I have tried four different time three different ways. I still think about it but I don't have the strength to try again.

Have a good day/night, and welcome to DF.

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Hi Christine :)

I feel like I can relate to what you're saying. I've been hopelessly depressed as long as I can remember. I went to psychiatrists a lot back in high school too and went on the merry go round of anti-depressant medications. I have learned a lot and I think I am moving in the right direction but I too still feel stuck in the black hole which I feel I can't overcome.

I've always been kind of a lone wolf. In high school I hated lunch because it was stressful finding a table of friends or at least friendly people to eat with. When I go to the mall or out in public I just feel invisible. I see people in groups or couples laughing and hanging out and I feel like there's a party going on inside a house and I am outside in the cold, dark rain watching everyone inside have fun. I'm 29 and I have never been in a relationship. 

I often feel like if people had walked in my shoes they would have ended it a long time ago. I can't believe I have endured this much for so long. 

But here's some things I have learned through extensive research Christine. You are never given more than you can handle. Everything happening to you is for you and not against you. You are never alone. You always have access to help, guidance and support. Not only do I think you'll get better but I know you'll get better. Life is rigged, but in a good way. Our highest success and happiness is guaranteed. There is no way to do this life thing wrong. When this is all said and done you will look back and see everything you encountered was for your benefit and was well worth it.

So let's link up arms and get through this together shall we?

I am kind of throwing the kitchen sink here at you but check out these posts. I think they will help you a lot. Whenever I feel down I watch some youtube people for advice, inspiration and consolation.

Write as often and as much as you'd like. Just getting whatever your feeling out onto writing helps quite a bit.

Please let me know if my suggestions have been helpful to you and if you have any questions or just wanna chat feel free to write :)

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It sounds like several of you people experience social anxiety as well as depression. A good friend of mine has it bad. I'm her only friend and most of the time she's not up for getting together. She feels super lonely, but she can't bust out of her self imposed isolation. I suggest a support group. Like in my town, one of the counseling offices offers a depression and anxiety support group. It really helps a lot of people. Personally, I attend a weekly AA meeting. There is a lot of acceptance and encouragement in that circle! A powerful and healing experience. I hope you can find something like that.

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1 hour ago, Christine9 said:

Hi,

I wanted to share the pain I'm going through. I am 26 and I have had depression since high school and I feel it is getting worse. For the past 10 years my psychiatrist would always tell me to take some medication for a couple of months, and I'd get better soon. Except I never got better and those months turned into years, and I am still stuck in this dark hole I can't get out of. 

The worst part is knowing that I am so ****** lonely that I feel the loneliness is destroying me. I look back at my life and find I have no friends. I do have a job and my own place but I only have my parents who are very supportive of my depression, but goodness I feel more depressed just being with them. I see all those people outside, around my age, hanging out in groups, or as a couple. The couple part kills me the most. I can't imagine being 30, 40, and still only have my parents. I want a boyfriend just like anyone else my age but I have no confidence and who would see anything beyond this weird 26 year old still with her parents?

Many days I feel like just ending it all. I find myself obsessing about it. Making plans and brainstorming ways. I know I am really really mentally sick and probably should get locked up. If they lock me up they'll pop more pills down my throat and that is not going to magically provide me with friends/love/whatever I need socially.

I am losing hope. I've held out for 10 years, I don't know how much longer I can stand it. I absolutely hate myself and feel I am a hopeless case. 

I don't know what I hope to get out of posting this but thank you for taking the time to read it. Do any of you feel as hopeless as I do? Do you think I'd ever get better? 

~Christine 

 

C there is always hope but at times we have to fight for it and in your case it needs to start with helping yourself even if it may require to be in hospital. I always feared having to be in the mental ward of the VA hospital but honestly it not only saved my life literally but set me on a much better path to mental health. Presently I am not taking meds for my depression and it's a constant struggle but when I was in the throes of mental illness those meds helped me immensely. Once you are in better mental health than you can work on your relationship and lack of friends but I'd advice you not to gauge your future by your past. Yesterday is gone and there's nothing you can do about the past but you can about tomorrow. The saying goes that if you want friends you need to be friendly. Start slow, maybe reaching out to just one or two people and then enlarge your circle. Not everyone you meet will be you friend and they shouldn't because not everyone is friendly or trustworthy so pick them carefully. 

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Hi Christine.  Life is a circle and you will have many, many ups and downs.  Right now you're down and you may feel like you're stuck, but you can change that.  Understand that the way you feel inside doesn't define you.  Those depressed feelings are just that, feelings.  That's all they are and they DON'T have any power over you!  

Lets start with some positives.  Because when all you see is darkness, you need to search for light.  You have a job and you're living on your own.  Good for you!  I'm 24 and the mere thought of moving out terrifies me.  Also, know that many people your age still live with their parents.. My brother is 27, almost 28 and he still lives with me, and my parents.  I think it's pretty amazing that you have your own place, because I don't.

I think you need to take your  mind off of things by focusing on your work.  Stay busy!  Whatever you do for work, be the best that you can be.  Take pride in what you do for a living.  It can help boost your self esteem!  A lot of times after you stay at one job for awhile, you'll start making work friends.

Also, try some relaxation exercises.  You can look up a lot of them online.  The old saying goes that a troubled mind cannot live inside a relaxed body.  Make relaxation exercises part of your daily routine.  One that I do from time to time is called progressive muscle relaxation.  I think it could help you.  I hope this helps!

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Try to remember that depression tells us terrible lies about ourselves. We can get into trouble when we believe these awful lies.

Of course we should love ourselves but like all love it should be tough self-love.

Maybe the old adage could help: It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.

Start with a teeny, tiny metaphorical candle. Sometimes just the smallest,

slight change can have a profound impact on your outlook.

Good luck. We are here for you.

Oscar

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  • 2 weeks later...

So sorry to hear you're hurting, but I'm glad you're reaching out!  Loneliness is a challenge, and coupled with depression the pain can be excruciating.  However, please know you're not alone!  Have you ever considered joining a support group?  You've got a special value to your life that you may not see right now, but there is somebody out there just waiting to discover it.  One day, your perseverance will all be worth it.  I mean that.  Please don't hesitate to reach out to the National Suicide Hotline if you ever feel it's too much to handle!  1-800-273-8255

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On 5/13/2016 at 7:25 PM, Christine9 said:
 

I do have a job and my own place but I only have my parents who are very supportive of my depression, but goodness I feel more depressed just being with them. I see all those people outside, around my age, hanging out in groups, or as a couple. The couple part kills me the most. I can't imagine being 30, 40, and still only have my parents. I want a boyfriend just like anyone else my age but I have no confidence and who would see anything beyond this weird 26 year old still with her parents?

Hey. About living with your parents as an adult, this is now commonplace. It's not shameful. Regardless of what older generations that have not had to contend with the Great Recession might say or think. According to pew center statistics, in the US, this living arrangement is actually more likely than not. You may be interested to read:

http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2016/05/24/for-first-time-in-modern-era-living-with-parents-edges-out-other-living-arrangements-for-18-to-34-year-olds/

 

edit: Whoops, I misread what you said. Sorry about that.

Edited by gloomeh
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