Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
fearispower

No point in even trying

Recommended Posts

Today, I just discovered that I failed one of the Veterinary Technology classes I thought I was passing. There's another class that I probably failed, but am too afraid to look at.

I am utterly a failure. I got such good grades in High School because I did all the work. In college, grades are mostly based on tests, and studying is extremely hard for me. I get bored, and I freeze up. I looked at services at my school, but they didn't help. On top of that, we get graded on professionalism bulls***, which I apparently failed, because I was late a lot, and I didn't want to work in groups. I can't work in groups because I don't have any friend, and I hate literally everyone in the entire program, not to mention I'm the only guy. I'm only allowed to be readmitted once, so if I fail again, I literally have no other option but to commit suicide. This is the only avenue I've ever wanted to pursue, because there's nothing else I'm good at or interested in. What's the point of going on if I'm just going to fail again. To make matters worse, my mom is pressuring me to go home this summer, something I really have no desire to do. My mom is horrible at giving me any kind of advice, my sister acts like she wants to be all chummy, which is pretty shocking considering she spent our entire childhood telling me I was a ****ing ***** every time I did something wrong or said something wrong. What's the point?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

SO you love animals right??? there's your POINT! I love them too! and I was a vet assistant for 4 years, my dream profession was working with animals. It didnt last as long as I'd of liked but its difficult to work with cute lil chicks who are very good at sucking up to the Dr's and its very clicky, unless you get lucky and find some practice to just let you be you.  But what i'm trying to tell you is if you fail at those courses, so what, you tried! Thats more than what I did! Have you thought of other pet related jobs?? like animal daycares? dog walkers, pet sitters?? I kno its not the same as what you are truly desiring BUT my advice is to get some treatment, get on the road to feeling better so your not thinking suicide is your only other option! you can help animals!! that is something!! Please dont hurt yourself, your Mother will forever be haunted by the fact that she didnt know how to help you, and as a Mother that would destroy me.  So get help, work at something animal related,,feel better, try again!! or dont try again but just feel better and work with animals in some way....animals are my main form of therapy, I have 5 cats and 1 gsd who is my shadow, and a job and a husband. My Doc upped my meds 4 weeks ago,,pheww it helped alot, Im on the positive side of the fence now, but there are times that crap happens,,and i just wanna say F it,,so I do,,but its only F the situation, and then I move on. We are worth more alive, and living is more rewarding than the alternative, I say this because I dont know whats on the other side, but I cant bear to not be here and have my animals miss me and not have a good life. I hope that makes some sense.  I hope ive given you a little bit of insight. Life is wonderful and it is a pile of poop, but we can walk thru the poop. I say this because Im feeling alright, if I wasnt all i'd probably have for you is,,yeah I hear you.  and I do hear you! message me if you want, Im here, your not alone, alot of us are here. We struggle daily too <3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

First you do have options besides suicide, that's not even one or really shouldn't be. You don't mention a pdoc anywhere in your post which I hope you are seeing because until your brain is in a better place you'll never be able to get a firm hold of your life. It's hard to be a participant in life when you aren't mentally stable, we all go through this. I had a very hard time studying in college also but now I know it was because of my mental illness so you must work on this right away. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi fearispower :)

Thomas Edison failed 1000's of times before getting the light bulb to work. When asked about it he said," I have not failed. I just succeeded in finding 10,000 ways not to make a light bulb."

So 'failure' just really depends on perspective. EVERYONE fails something at some point, it's practically impossible not to. But who cares though. If you fail your classes so what. There's other schools and if not there's plenty of other ways to help animals and do good for this world. If Edison gave up then many people would have suffered for much longer without having the invention of light bulbs. There are so many people and animals that could be helped and have their life enhanced if you stick around but if you don't it hurts us all. You're an important and integral piece of this puzzle called life if you weren't you wouldn't be here to begin with right now.

I'll bet you any money there are things you are good at or would be interested in but you just got to give yourself a chance to grow and experience things. If you don't have any interest in anything right now it's OK, it's not a requirement that you do. 

Let go of social, financial, school and family expectations. It's not worth getting all stressed out over and especially taking your own life for. Who gives a bleep what others think. You have to ask yourself, Why is this class and good grades so important to me? What your motivation and belief behind it all? Is it because others told you it's important and you have to accomplish it?

I was told in High School I had to go to college because that's just what you do. But looking back on it I never really cared or desired to. All it did was put me in debt. I could be so much further ahead if I never went to college. So maybe you see failing college as a bad thing but you don't realize there's a good side to it too. Maybe this next group you'll meet some cool people, or have a better teacher, or meet your future girlfriend, or find something else you're interested in.

You wanna know what the secret to happiness is? Detachment.

Meditation masters are some of the happiest and most content people in the world. They teach that to be happy you just need to detach yourself from outside circumstances: success/failure, strong/weak, right/wrong, good/bad, rich/poor, attractive/ugly. Again going back to perspective you can't actually prove something as successful or a failure because it depends on how you look at it. Failure is not inherently good or bad. You are choosing to label it as bad. 

When things aren't going your way just sit down, close your eyes, breathe deeply, gently smile and calmly say **** it all :)

 

Edited by durandalblue

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I did horrible in school. Got help I have LD. And now have a B A in phycology still can't spell but am publishing a paper soon. Go figure life can bring many surprises. No one ever thought I'd be where I am now entering grad school. You never know 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Some extra background info: My dad is paying my rent, but I don't think he'll keep doing it if I take time off school or anything. I can't pay my rent because nobody will hire me. I can't go to school in my home state because there are no schools that offer the program. I don't have friends I can leech off of. I don't have any family out here. I can't even pay for my own school, so my dad has to do that too. I don't think he'll pay for another school. I feel tired every morning, but the only classes available are early, so that's why I was late so often.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...