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Shorter version of my intro!


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I posted a VERY long intro in the Depression Central forum, if anyone is interested in reading my full life story.  :suspect:  I guess I have been suppressing so much for so long that when I started typing it just kept on coming.  So the short version.....

Hi!  My name's Gummyworm and I have depression and anxiety.  I have had it since I was 14 and I'm now 37.  I am only just now getting treatment for it because it went undiagnosed for a very long time for various reasons.  I'm a female, married, I work from home and I have two daughters who are 13 and 14.  I have become so good at hiding my depression that I think I just hoped it would someday go away.  It never did...and in fact has only worsened through the years.  I believe I may also suffer from PTSD but this is something I have not spoken to my doctor about yet so no official diagnosis.

My current treatment plan is medication based.  I am taking 300mg Wellbutrin XL and have been since late October 2015.  It worked great - helped me stop smoking after a 22 year pack-a-day habit BUT then it just stopped working right around the beginning of this year.  My doctor put me on Brintellix which turned into my own personal nightmare and brought suicidal thoughts upon me - not the first time I've had them but the first time I've gone that far into researching things related to it.  My doctor has now added Abilify 2mg once per day and it's only been one week but already I feel like it's beginning to work, slowly but surely.  I can see the sun peeking through the clouds, whereas before it was just cloudy with a chance of sadness and despair.  

Throughout my ordeal and dealing with this disease, I have come to realize two things recently.  #1 - I may never be completely 'cured' and this will probably be a lifelong struggle but *I AM STRONG* and I am capable of so much more than I've given myself credit for all these years.  #2 - I have this strong desire to want to help people who suffer from mental illness.  I feel like in many ways it has controlled my life and now I'm taking the control back and I'm going to do that by continuing treatment and also by helping other people who may be at the very beginning of their struggle and perhaps just need that extra word of encouragement to seek help.

If you're reading this, and you think you're alone, you are SO not alone.  I'm right here beside you, holding your hand and telling you that you matter, that you are a gift to this world and that you can and will feel joy again, despite what your mind is telling you.

Gummyworm

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Hi Gummyworm, your entry sort of caught my eye.

I have a similar history in the respect that anxiety and being prone to depression hasn' t been addressed until 12 years ago. I've had symptoms of both most of my life. That, and life-long issues with insomnia.

I've been feeling suspiciously better about myself for the past week or so (or lets just say I haven't been as anxious or stygian as normal..) and what you said about giving somebody a hand or some encouragement struck a cord..

I'm not a people-person at heart but neither am I a misanthrope and perhaps someday I might actually have it in me to give someone with similar issues a hand either online or for real.. That is when I have the energy for it..

Anyhow,  what you wrote sort of inspired me to write this, so thanks for that!

Take care!

 

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