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Another friend has gone to another plain


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"This is what your getting, It's all your getting, This is what your getting, it's all your getting from me, This is what your getting, It's all your getting from me, This is what your getting, It's all your getting from me,  This is what your getting, It's all your getting." - American Head Charge

 

So I got an email this week, that I just checked this morning.  And here I am again, trying to arrange my emotions in a way, so that I won't take it out on the world.  So, once upon a time,  I was in the active Army.  About a year before my deployment, this young kid got orders to join my unit.  He wasn't perfect, he was late a lot, his uniform was always jacked up, and he was pretty scrawny. And he wasn't the first person I met, that probably shouldn't have joined the military.  But we became good friends.  I tried to help as much as I could.  I know all the yelling took a toll on him, I know he was depressed even though he wouldn't admit it.  I think by the time we deployed he really came a long way, and was a good soldier.  He was really into weapon modifications and probably knew more than me about certain weapons.  So there was this piece of S*** guy, that climbed the ranks before I even got to the unit.  This guy, had ZERO ****ING BUSINESS being in any kind of position of authority.  I really hated this guy, but luckily I never had to deal with him.  So my friend wasn't so lucky, and when we deployed he went to this jerk's section.  Close to the end of the deployment, my friend finally got his e-4, a lot of us were proud of him.  His nco didn't like him, and constantly messed with him, even though we were in a war zone and we were supposed to be looking out for each other.  He ended up losing all of his rank for basically nothing, all because this guy didn't like him.  I was in the first group to redeploy back to the States.  I never saw him again.  He hung himself in his barracks room.  Isn't it enough that we have to come back, and society just simply doesn't care about us?  Isn't it enough that we have given up everything for you?  Isn't it enough that we took that oath and were willing to die for each other?  I mean, it's crazy.  Here's a kid, a young American kid, trying to serve his country, and he was berated so badly that he felt he had no other choice but to take his life.  I wish I was there for him, but when I was kicked out I didn't keep contact with anyone.  It's ****ing disgusting, I had such a bad week, and this is just like the cherry on top of the s*** mountain.  Combat veterans have the highest suicide rate out of any group in America.  I've been searching for truth for so long, and I have found some.  The truth, when it comes to soldiers that actually did some fighting, the country just doesn't care, and in all actuality they are hoping and praying that we take our own lives.  "Thank you for your service, now go be homeless, get addicted to drugs, and alienate yourself from us as much as possible."  I actually cried reading the email, I haven't cried in years.

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I am terribly sorry about your friend.  It does seem as though in life no one cares.  I wish your friend wasn't in so much pain.  I understand the amount of despair that a person needs to be in to reach that point of not just wanting to but needing to end it all and it is horrible.  I am glad you cried.  Not that I want anyone to cry but crying is good.  it helps the body process grief and you have a lot of it understandably.  I wish I had a solution to fix things.  I know there are a few groups out there trying to help veterans but I suspect it is way too far and few between that many get lost in the shuffle.  No one should get lost in the shuffle but depression is often not talked about enough.  I am glad you are here talking about your grief.  I hope that things get better and that your friend is in peace.  Hugs.

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6 hours ago, glfinding said:

"This is what your getting, It's all your getting, This is what your getting, it's all your getting from me, This is what your getting, It's all your getting from me, This is what your getting, It's all your getting from me,  This is what your getting, It's all your getting." - American Head Charge

 

So I got an email this week, that I just checked this morning.  And here I am again, trying to arrange my emotions in a way, so that I won't take it out on the world.  So, once upon a time,  I was in the active Army.  About a year before my deployment, this young kid got orders to join my unit.  He wasn't perfect, he was late a lot, his uniform was always jacked up, and he was pretty scrawny. And he wasn't the first person I met, that probably shouldn't have joined the military.  But we became good friends.  I tried to help as much as I could.  I know all the yelling took a toll on him, I know he was depressed even though he wouldn't admit it.  I think by the time we deployed he really came a long way, and was a good soldier.  He was really into weapon modifications and probably knew more than me about certain weapons.  So there was this piece of S*** guy, that climbed the ranks before I even got to the unit.  This guy, had ZERO ****ING BUSINESS being in any kind of position of authority.  I really hated this guy, but luckily I never had to deal with him.  So my friend wasn't so lucky, and when we deployed he went to this jerk's section.  Close to the end of the deployment, my friend finally got his e-4, a lot of us were proud of him.  His nco didn't like him, and constantly messed with him, even though we were in a war zone and we were supposed to be looking out for each other.  He ended up losing all of his rank for basically nothing, all because this guy didn't like him.  I was in the first group to redeploy back to the States.  I never saw him again.  He hung himself in his barracks room.  Isn't it enough that we have to come back, and society just simply doesn't care about us?  Isn't it enough that we have given up everything for you?  Isn't it enough that we took that oath and were willing to die for each other?  I mean, it's crazy.  Here's a kid, a young American kid, trying to serve his country, and he was berated so badly that he felt he had no other choice but to take his life.  I wish I was there for him, but when I was kicked out I didn't keep contact with anyone.  It's ****ing disgusting, I had such a bad week, and this is just like the cherry on top of the s*** mountain.  Combat veterans have the highest suicide rate out of any group in America.  I've been searching for truth for so long, and I have found some.  The truth, when it comes to soldiers that actually did some fighting, the country just doesn't care, and in all actuality they are hoping and praying that we take our own lives.  "Thank you for your service, now go be homeless, get addicted to drugs, and alienate yourself from us as much as possible."  I actually cried reading the email, I haven't cried in years.

Yeah I'm so sorry Brother.  I was 10 years Army myself, real combat tours, all of it.  Have lost a bunch of friends.  I saw the movie "22" the other night with 50 or so Army/USMC brothers, pretty awesome experience.  If you're anywhere near the Panhandle in Florida, email me and come join our group.  Heck, we save each other's life once a week, get each other laughing, give each other a place to vent....If you are too far away, I would seriously recommend checking in with the VA nearest you to find a good group.  Losing a friend is too hard to do alone, completely worth the big effort to find a group of ex-soldiers....

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7 hours ago, glfinding said:

"This is what your getting, It's all your getting, This is what your getting, it's all your getting from me, This is what your getting, It's all your getting from me, This is what your getting, It's all your getting from me,  This is what your getting, It's all your getting." - American Head Charge

 

So I got an email this week, that I just checked this morning.  And here I am again, trying to arrange my emotions in a way, so that I won't take it out on the world.  So, once upon a time,  I was in the active Army.  About a year before my deployment, this young kid got orders to join my unit.  He wasn't perfect, he was late a lot, his uniform was always jacked up, and he was pretty scrawny. And he wasn't the first person I met, that probably shouldn't have joined the military.  But we became good friends.  I tried to help as much as I could.  I know all the yelling took a toll on him, I know he was depressed even though he wouldn't admit it.  I think by the time we deployed he really came a long way, and was a good soldier.  He was really into weapon modifications and probably knew more than me about certain weapons.  So there was this piece of S*** guy, that climbed the ranks before I even got to the unit.  This guy, had ZERO ****ING BUSINESS being in any kind of position of authority.  I really hated this guy, but luckily I never had to deal with him.  So my friend wasn't so lucky, and when we deployed he went to this jerk's section.  Close to the end of the deployment, my friend finally got his e-4, a lot of us were proud of him.  His nco didn't like him, and constantly messed with him, even though we were in a war zone and we were supposed to be looking out for each other.  He ended up losing all of his rank for basically nothing, all because this guy didn't like him.  I was in the first group to redeploy back to the States.  I never saw him again.  He hung himself in his barracks room.  Isn't it enough that we have to come back, and society just simply doesn't care about us?  Isn't it enough that we have given up everything for you?  Isn't it enough that we took that oath and were willing to die for each other?  I mean, it's crazy.  Here's a kid, a young American kid, trying to serve his country, and he was berated so badly that he felt he had no other choice but to take his life.  I wish I was there for him, but when I was kicked out I didn't keep contact with anyone.  It's ****ing disgusting, I had such a bad week, and this is just like the cherry on top of the s*** mountain.  Combat veterans have the highest suicide rate out of any group in America.  I've been searching for truth for so long, and I have found some.  The truth, when it comes to soldiers that actually did some fighting, the country just doesn't care, and in all actuality they are hoping and praying that we take our own lives.  "Thank you for your service, now go be homeless, get addicted to drugs, and alienate yourself from us as much as possible."  I actually cried reading the email, I haven't cried in years.

Sorry to hear especially since it's been happening since a military came to be. This occurred many times in the 70s. Reminds me of a few guys who shouldn't have ever be allowed to join. I knew a guy everyone called the jazz man for obvious reasons; one night he went into his room, turned on some jazz a shot himself, I think he was 18 or 19. Earlier that day another young soldier had hung himself in his off base housing. Man it happened way to much and continues today with active military and veterans. According to the news the official number is 22 but it must be way more than this. Sucks big time. 

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Yea I'm sorry if I triggered anyone.  I just don't really have any support for this kind of thing.  I was kind of unprepared for what happened at work a few days ago.  I was unprepared to deal with this.  I've used the VA a lot, I haven't been there since December.  When I first started going to groups in the VA, the first thing I realized is that I wasn't alone.  I also realized that the things I was going through weren't going to magically go away.  It just really sucks because I've only recently started having motivation again and it just feels like I have to fight so hard just to start off.  And as I said I don't keep contact with anyone from my unit.  The only one I have seen was a guy that was also from Tampa, we met at a drug rehab program through the VA.  He had told me of a couple other people we lost after the deployment.  Before I got out one of my friends killed someone in a dui, got some years for it.  My chief's old driver overdosed.  My best friend during my entire time in the Army got hit by a shape charge grenade. My medic officer, who was probably one of the only leaders that actually cared about us, lost his life 2-3 days before he was supposed to come home. But I had dealt with most of it, every time something happens it's like I have to start over completely, dealing with it.  It's bewildering to me that we can survive the actual war, but not the life afterwards.  You're right about that vega, it's not a new story.  And I really didn't understand it until I started making visits to the VA psych ward, and talked more to the older vets.  Thx Polar, I will pm you.  Thx everyone else, I know everyone has their trials and I am not trying to take anything away from anyone.  Just feels really heavy right now.

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