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Hi.  I'm al little unsure of what to do here, so please bear with me. I have depression and anxiety.  It feels weird to be able to just say that, beauty of anonymity I guess.  I have spent the past couple of years trying to deal with things on my own, because for most of my life I was raised to think that not being in control of your emotions was weakness, and weakness was pretty much worse than a sin.  I grew up where the only people I knew of who had depression were my weird aunt who sits in the car at family parties, and a friend of my mom's who killed himself.  Needless to say, and I in no way want to invalidate their struggles, I did not want to identify with those people. I don't want to be the one people talk about behind their back, and I really don't want to **** myself.  A few months back, things got pretty bad, and I finally sought help and went on a prescription.  It has been helping a lot, but I almost feel guilty about that, like I took the cheater's way out and I should have been able to manage this on my own.  I've been lucky enough to have the support of my parents, but it's been hard dealing with my own stigma towards depression.  I always saw it as a weakness, and it is hard coming to terms with the fact that it is just something I have to deal with and not hating myself for it, especially when a lot of my family is still very judgemental towards the condition without even knowing I have it.  I'm not going to lie, I've cried buckets reading through a few posts on this forum, because for the first time since I've starded dealing with my depression, I don't feel so alone.  I look forward to talking with you all, and reading what you have to say.  Hopefully this can help me come to terms with the fact that I do have depression, but that doesn't mean it isn't possible to handle it with grace and still be functional and likeable.

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6 hours ago, kcg123 said:

Hi.  I'm al little unsure of what to do here, so please bear with me. I have depression and anxiety.  It feels weird to be able to just say that, beauty of anonymity I guess.  I have spent the past couple of years trying to deal with things on my own, because for most of my life I was raised to think that not being in control of your emotions was weakness, and weakness was pretty much worse than a sin.  I grew up where the only people I knew of who had depression were my weird aunt who sits in the car at family parties, and a friend of my mom's who killed himself.  Needless to say, and I in no way want to invalidate their struggles, I did not want to identify with those people. I don't want to be the one people talk about behind their back, and I really don't want to **** myself.  A few months back, things got pretty bad, and I finally sought help and went on a prescription.  It has been helping a lot, but I almost feel guilty about that, like I took the cheater's way out and I should have been able to manage this on my own.  I've been lucky enough to have the support of my parents, but it's been hard dealing with my own stigma towards depression.  I always saw it as a weakness, and it is hard coming to terms with the fact that it is just something I have to deal with and not hating myself for it, especially when a lot of my family is still very judgemental towards the condition without even knowing I have it.  I'm not going to lie, I've cried buckets reading through a few posts on this forum, because for the first time since I've starded dealing with my depression, I don't feel so alone.  I look forward to talking with you all, and reading what you have to say.  Hopefully this can help me come to terms with the fact that I do have depression, but that doesn't mean it isn't possible to handle it with grace and still be functional and likeable.

:welcomeani:kcg!

Have you ever thought  that this might be a family problem? They might all have been scared to end up as your ant in the car? When they deny all weakness and fight as best they can (perhaps hide it when they are not perfect) they need to talk about "the weak" as something different from themselves, "us strong".

Seen this way, your self-hate for not being good enough, is only a family thing. Not "only" because it is a little "thing". You do really struggle! The word "only" means in this way, that perhaps you have to fight the old family-view to become fully alive and not dependent of being so clever all the time.

Really strong people dare to see their weaknesses! Good luck with the good work! :smile:

Take care!

Rose

Edited by Rosegirl

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I am new to this site as well. I was looking for an outlet for when depression descends and I want to sob. kcg I have felt the same way you do about taking something to help my depression and anxiety. I work in the medical field and even there, there can be a stigma. But I had a OBGYN say to me once, why did I think anxiety and depression was any different then high blood pressure and high cholesterol. It's chemistry and biology. We take meds for the high blood pressure and high cholesterol without guilt it should be the same for anxiety and depression.

Phew, didn't mean to start off replying to a post. I am a 50 year old singlemother of 2 grown children. I have suffered from anxiety and depression for years and do take medication for it. But there are times that even with meds the depression and self doubt descend and there is no where to go. No matter how many times it happens it surprises you. Things in life are good , even great, but doubt creeps in attaches to your low self esteem and you feel yourself getting dragged under. You pray , God I know the devil is a liar and I am worthy, but it goes no where. 

 

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I think that for you, what's important is that you need to appreciate yourself and be kind to yourself and your feelings. You have went through a lot, but being soft-hearted.. or depressed is not a weakness. It's a sign of what you went through in the past, and you have every right to talk about it and confide in someone about your feelings. If some people do not appreciate you, then that's their problem.. you're you, and I don't see why you're inferior... don't see why you should beat yourself down. If your family judges you for what you're feeling, then its better to talk to other people about the situation, because understanding people will be kind to you and not betray you. And I've a very important thing to say :

People who backstab people who are depressed seriously have some major issues. People should be compassionate. If they cannot even think about what other people are going through and put themselves in other people's shoes, then they seriously need to get their brains checked. You 've compassion, and that's what separates you from people who do not know how to help other people out and understand their situations.

Emotions are a powerful thing. But the real weakness when emotions are concerned is the inability to rant them out, or to express your thoughts about whatever situation that's landing you in that negative mental state.  When other people need our help, I know that we'll offer other people the assistance they need with open arms. But you need to be fair to yourself too : If you need help or assistance, rant away and let us know about your situation... we want to make sure that you'll be able to fight these negative emotions off, and regain the happiness you really need and deserve! 

You are strong, and you've fought so hard... let us join you in this fight... we want you to experience the true meaning of the word called "happiness " because you deserve to smile. Smile so widely that your cheek muscles hurt and be so happy that you 're experiencing many, many wonderful moments. This is one journey that we're going to take together! 

Edited by Hairpy Burpday

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Emotions can sink the Titanic! We are certainly not in control of them. They stem from the subconscious mind which is much,much more stronger than our conscious mind. So you can forget about that notion that you are being weak, you are certainly not. You were quite right in seeking medical attention and more so in taking the meds prescribed. But as I always say one has to find the right doctor before you can find the right treatment. He or she must be efficient and very understanding and supportive. If you have that kind of doc you are on the right road. Don't get discouraged if the first few meds don't seem to work, as one has to find the right one or right combination that best suits one and this may take some time. Just hang in there. 

Do write to me if you feel like it. All the very best!!

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