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Is it worth it.....


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Hello. Im a 37 im a mom to 2 little girls (ages 4 and 8 months), im with my youngest daughters dad.  I was sexually abused at a young age by my grandpa.  I was married before (he cheated on me...called girls non stop, verbally abusive to me), dated another guy who towards the end of the relationship started talking to another girl behind my back, met my oldest daughters sperm donor and he ended up physically abusing me (hes in prison now for what he did)....met the guy im with now in August 2014. Things were great in the beginning...i found out i was pregnant in November, things have went downhill fast! 

We live together but things are horrible.  I think hes just here because of our daughter.  Theres no affection, no nothing.  

I accuse him of cheating, of doing what my past has done.  I assume the worst always.  Lately i cry very easily.  I started having panic attacks.  

He doesnt work. He tells me what he does is not my business, whose houses he goes to, who he talks to.  Claims he would never cheat on me. He is also addicted to norcos.  

Im...so depressed feeling. So worthless feeling. I could go and hide or runaway.  I hate my girls seeing me this way.  

He sits and says he is here for me but then hours later hes yelling at me to ****ing stop crying.  

I just...am afraid of how i feel.  And that i have no one

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LLH16,

     I am so sorry for what you are going through and have been going through!  You certain deserve better than the nightmare you are enduring!

     Please lean on us when you are feeling low! 

     I know that at age 37 you have done literally millions of strong, brave, wise and good things in your life.  Millions.  You deserve a good life, a safe life, a life full of joy.  Although it is not Mother's Day yet, I must wish you Happy Mother's Day!  You are a wonderful person!   I find it hard to put my thoughts into words sometimes, but I certain wish and hope and pray that your life improves and improves and improves and that it reaches the best possible outcome for you and your two daughters.

     I can only look up to you for what you have accomplished in the midst of so much misfortune and misery.  You are a heroic woman worthy of great admiration!!!

Sincerely, Epictetus

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He swears me getting pregnant messed up a chemical balance in my brain. I know i suffered post pardom after birth, and i was on cymbalta. But i didnt see a change and after 2 months stopped taking it. 

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Hey,

You are really gong through a hard time. I am not going through anything that difficult, and I have so much anxiety and depression.

My anxiety is crazy, I have to leave my job, it is true stressful. I work as an activity director in an assistant living facility. I can't take

care of them anymore, all of their emotional problems, Me trying to be up and happy all the time etc. and I have no assistant. I had a horrible

depression back in Aug. I had to go on disability, I wanted to die, even now sometimes I just want to go home I call it. I don't have kids, so I

really have no reason to stay, accept for my husband. I am still here, so are you. We have to find something for ourselves, we are always taking

care everybody else's needs. I think that is the key. At least we have this forum. That boyfriend, have him take care of the kids, and go do

something for you. We also have to remember that we are not crazy, that our brains don't function like it should,  like Epictetus said we should love

our brains and cut ourselves some slack. I mean we are our worst enemies, we need to love ourselves as well just the way we our.

You can message me if you want.

Laurena
 

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You've went through too much, and I want to say that you're an inspiration.. despite all that you went through, you're still the proud mother of wonderful children... and you still fight and grit yourself through your days. There's no better type of mother than one who fights for the sake of her and her children even when things are tough. You're wonderful :)

I think that the  best thing to do right now is file for a divorce with this guy, because what he's doing is clearly unhealthy for you, your children and your happiness. I know that this might seem kind of drastic, but I see no future with someone who's emotionally abusive. You need to cut your ties with this guy, and perhaps try to get yourself into the dating world again... I'm sure that 90% of the guys in this world are better than this mean person you're currently with. There's no point overthinking things because if your problems are caused by him, its better to eliminate the problem itself. He says that he's there for you but then ruins your day by saying emotionally bad stuff? That's the mark of a liar right there... he can't be trusted.

Good news is the sooner you take measures to counteract your situation, the better things will be. In the meantime you could perhaps occupy yourself by joining things such as Yoga classes,and other constructive things to take your mind off the current situation. You've went through too much abuse (even one bad word being sad to you is already considered too much abuse ) and you need to know that there's nothing you can't overcome. You need to know that you deserve better, and you need to know that you definitely need to meet a guy who's better than your current partner.

I'll be here if you need support, and to be honest I can definitely see you getting better. You just need to keep fighting, and you'll eventually win. 

Edited by Hairpy Burpday
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Thankfully we are not married. 

 

He gets frustrated with whats going on with me....i get that becuz im frustrated too. I cant begin to explain it to someone who doesnt understand what it feels like to be a prisoner of their own mind. 

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It's likely that he has sort of being scathing his whole life, and you need to consider breaking up with him and moving on. He is not healthy for you, and if he doesn't understand you or make the effort to give you the comfort and emotional security you need, you're better off with other guys. Truth!

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