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What is responsible for your depression?


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1 hour ago, JD4010 said:

Yes. I've been ranting about our "society's" values for decades. Grab everything you can and try to stop others from grabbing stuff. Competition, rather than cooperation. Money and good looks define a successful person, not how they treat others or the good things they do.

What we do is important too, long term. But money and looks are the basics of survival in this superficial world we live in.

If we don't have money, we have to look like we have money to get money.

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I could point the finger at a few things but, in a spiritual sense, I'm better off not. It might be chemical, learned or visceral. It might be bad luck or bad management. In my case, I have what I have and it's my responsibility.

I dunno...can you blame a snowball for rolling downhill?

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For me the main cause seems to be genetics.  There is a long history of mental illness on my mother's side of the family, and I began to experience depression from a pretty early age.  In the last few months though, my depression started to spiral out of control, and while I'm not 100% sure of the cause, I'm sure moving away from my family and starting a job I hate had something to do with it.  Also relationship and money woes.

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Childhood neglect, abuse, traumas. It's really that simple. These things had a domino effect. Bad circumstances exacerbated things by inflaming PTSD and the like.

And drugs made everything so much worse.

Things improve as I try, improve when I stop. This is that simple, too. This time, I'm doing my utmost to make sure I don't slip into isolation again, which is always the beginning of a downward spiral. Sometimes, some big trigger or obstacle will throw me into a panic, but usually some kind of cumulative stress has already got me to a greater point of vulnerability when that happens. Getting better, though, especially as I make major life changes like moving, graduating, starting a master's, making better friends, getting the right kind of therapy, etc. Getting connected to people who can really understand my experiences and support me in the overarching issues is huge. Hoping I can focus more on these things, once the crises of financial hardship abate. Social support/interaction is tremendously powerful for me.

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46 minutes ago, Eaglespeed said:

 

Me living in the middle east and being unable to live in a country where I'm respected as a human being, and all my dreams, hopes, properties destroyed and gone since 2011 Arab spring..... 

Wow, I'm so sorry you've gone through stuff like that. I hope somehow things can change or you can leave for a better place...

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My depression is rooted in shame.  In a belief that who I am is bad based on early programing from my father who criticized not only my mistakes but also the things I did well which led to the belief that everything I did would be flawed and all my attempts would be failures.  Without a sense of pride I slipped into self rejection and identifying with my mistakes believing I myself was a mistake.  It took a lot of time to uncover this and in a lot of ways I no longer see my depression as the problem.  I thought my depression was a flaw in my character when the reality is the depression was trying to protect me from getting hurt.  If I hide out then I can't go out and make mistakes, get judged and turn on myself as a consequence.  If I turn on myself first than the judgment and criticism that comes at me won't hurt as bad because I will already be on the floor.  So my depression wasn't the problem.  Believing I was bad, a mistake and unfixable was the problem.  I'm now working on a new self image and a new way to relate to myself grounded in acceptance as opposed to rejection.  It is hard to break old habits but things are getting better and I now believe recovery is possible.      

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