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I lost the only person that was close to me?


someone111

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It might sound stupid but that's how I work, I only need one person in my life and I give them everything, she was the one person I could trust the only person I knew would never betray me nor just use me because I would do anything for her, over the past two weeks though she is just distancing herself, and I get it, as she has told me she has other things to do and she cannot be and or talk with me 24/7, which I totally understand, she's not like me she has other friends and a different life than me that's dedicated to her, and I do understand that, my problem is that lately she never talks to me if I don't strike up a conversation, she just found a boyfriend that she really likes and for the past 4 days they keep hanging out ( not only the two of them but with a larger group of people ) as they are not together yet since she wants to " get to know him better" what's ******* me is that she says I'm selfish because I want her to talk to me, I've told her how things are and that she should be empathetic as I was and try to understand my position too, I don't think that's selfish of me? Because I'm suffering , the past few weeks all her answers are just one or two word replies such as (nice, oh ok, etc) it feels cold and it makes me sad coming from a person that I value so much, I've asked her to be kind to me at least and not make me feel like trash when she talks to me and that I need her help since my problem is her attitude towards me, in which she replied " I can't talk to you all day nor am I your psychologist" and again I do understand, but at the very least I just want her to be nice to me and show that she cares... I literally feel like the trash of the world and that I don't have anyone that cares about me... How should I say it.. I want someone to tell me what I want to hear since I feel I've been treated so bad... She has said to me to go out and meet other people so that my life doesn't depend solely on her, which is true it does and yes maybe if I had more people it wouldn't be that hard for me... But in my current state I can't do that.. I don't want to.. Suicide has passed through my mind but it wasn't prominent. I just feel a void and I feel alone. Just another example that I want to lift off my chest, we usually have skype calls with some other people ( I don't consider them close friends but we talk) all together, I asked her yesterday if she wanted to talk on Skype before we both went to bed ( we have t talked for 5 days ) and she replied like this " no skype sorry" in which I said why is that? She said she might talk with the people I mentioned above (and the new guy she's met) or go to bed. In which I felt so bad since she was putting them over me and if they wouldn't come she would go to bed, I also think about how can she be so relaxed and not feel any kind of regret? I mean she knows how I feel and how she's making me feel, but she masks it with "you're too selfish it's not my problem" but is that how friends work? Im so sorry for the long post, and maybe the post is unreadable but I just had to let it all out someplace and seek some help. (If ages matter at all we are at around 25-26) thanks for your time.

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it sounds like now that she has a new person in her life that is her focus. I'm sure she's pulled away and you've tried to get closer which makes her pull away even more. sadly, I think she's just about ready to move on. 

i understand it's tough, especially when you used to have a dynamic and even a routine with a person and they pull away. but at this point, I guess we have to come to the realization that they're not interested anymore. it was hard for me, I was in a relationship .. but like all relationships whether friends or bf/gf if someone new enters the picture, it's over. it is the worst flipping feeling in the world and will make your depression worse. but it's better to pull away then to be a witness of someone else's budding happiness . that's torture. the worst kind.

i hope there's someone else u can rely on. I don't find anyone... so I just post here now.its hard but you take it hour by hour & jut keep going thru the motions.

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36 minutes ago, ejc said:

it sounds like now that she has a new person in her life that is her focus. I'm sure she's pulled away and you've tried to get closer which makes her pull away even more. sadly, I think she's just about ready to move on. 

i understand it's tough, especially when you used to have a dynamic and even a routine with a person and they pull away. but at this point, I guess we have to come to the realization that they're not interested anymore. it was hard for me, I was in a relationship .. but like all relationships whether friends or bf/gf if someone new enters the picture, it's over. it is the worst flipping feeling in the world and will make your depression worse. but it's better to pull away then to be a witness of someone else's budding happiness . that's torture. the worst kind.

i hope there's someone else u can rely on. I don't find anyone... so I just post here now.its hard but you take it hour by hour & jut keep going thru the motions.

I don't have anyone else either, I do understand that they found someone else, but I have that hope that she might remember 1 week from now? 10 years from? That I was willing to be next to her no matter what, I keep telling myself that it might be temporary since it's something new and takes her away from her routine that she had with me, but she will bounce back, literally that's the only thing that keeps me going, that's the only hope I've given myself to move from my bed. Forgetting her at least now is something unbearable, even thinking about it makes me want to throw up and the sheer feeling of knowing that she won't be there if I do is ******* me... I do find some peace of mind expressing myself here and also reading about other people's problems, as if in a way... I get relieved? Thank you for taking your time to reply to me.

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When your significant other, loses interest in you they usually go for the very well-known criticisms as you mentioned above: "I cannot talk to you all the time", "you should not spend all your time talking to me", "go out, meet new people", "believe me you are better off without me", "you are being selfish" and it goes on. Been there recently. 

Certain people are that way; they change their minds suddenly, and decide to do what is best for "them" instead of "the other person". The harsh truth, when you lose your feeling for the other, nothing works, unless he/she realises that a mistake has been made. 

A person who gets tired of you and leaves you in the midst of a relationship, for no definite or logical reason (you never mistreated her or limited her to your preferences for example), I believe is not to be trusted ever. 

But I understand your situation. Not talking to her is difficult. I mean MAN, i spoke to you everyday for hours, how do you expect me to forget you in a week???

The best would be if you stop speaking to her as well, and stop paying so much importance to her, she is just another package of flesh and bones. You don't have to do it cold turkey, play her game. Slowly and gradually, lessen your conversations with her, and one day you will wake up a new person. 

Please reduce your urges of texting her, calling her up, please stop begging for her attention. Maintain your self-respect. 

If she ever realises her mistake of abandoning a person who had fallen in love with her selflessly, she may come back to you (but my advice would be, even if she does, do not let her in so easy). Or she may continue being in a vicious cycle of an illusive world of "cinderella" love story, let her be. Let her have as many relationship experiments as one possibly can ever afford to have, let her soul mind and body be contented with these experiments. 

You please respect yourself. 

Edited by Cloudy888
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40 minutes ago, Cloudy888 said:

When your significant other, loses interest in you they usually go for the very well-known criticisms as you mentioned above: "I cannot talk to you all the time", "you should not spend all your time talking to me", "go out, meet new people", "believe me you are better off without me", "you are being selfish" and it goes on. Been there recently. 

Certain people are that way; they change their minds suddenly, and decide to do what is best for "them" instead of "the other person". The harsh truth, when you lose your feeling for the other, nothing works, unless he/she realises that a mistake has been made. 

A person who gets tired of you and leaves you in the midst of a relationship, for no definite or logical reason (you never mistreated her or limited her to your preferences for example), I believe is not to be trusted ever. 

But I understand your situation. Not talking to her is difficult. I mean MAN, i spoke to you everyday for hours, how do you expect me to forget you in a week???

The best would be if you stop speaking to her as well, and stop paying so much importance to her, she is just another package of flesh and bones. You don't have to do it cold turkey, play her game. Slowly and gradually, lessen your conversations with her, and one day you will wake up a new person. 

Please reduce your urges of texting her, calling her up, please stop begging for her attention. Maintain your self-respect. 

If she ever realises her mistake of abandoning a person who had fallen in love with her selflessly, she may come back to you (but my advice would be, even if she does, do not let her in so easy). Or she may continue being in a vicious cycle of an illusive world of "cinderella" love story, let her be. Let her have as many relationship experiments as one possibly can ever afford to have, let her soul mind and body be contented with these experiments. 

You please respect yourself. 

Thanks for your response, every post makes me feel a bit more at ease with myself, I do understand that I should not be that low with myself, but I just at this period cannot put myself over her, even if she does that, as stated above and call me a bad person for saying it, I do want her to feel guilty and realize that what she is doing is wrong... Also I just can't believe that a person that I've dedicated a good part of my life with could do such a thing... Thanks again for your support!

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A little update, as i said she has this new guy, and as she told me she really likes him and wants to get to know him better, she has work almost everyday except mondays, and when we were talking we would go out maybe once per week or even once every two weeks since she was tired and busy, well since last friday she has been going out with him and another friend of hers that met her this guy, until today, right now she told me she will go out again. I feel.... I cant even explain to you how much this has hurt me... Thats 5 days in a row, not only im jealous of him and her friend for hanging out so much, i just want to be there and I cant, but the sheer frustration brings tears to my eyes, and I really just think of ending it, after what she just said I seriously started considering thats my only way out, and a way to make her regret it too? Call it selfish as she does, but right now I just want her to see what she has done to me...

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12 hours ago, someone111 said:

I don't have anyone else either, I do understand that they found someone else, but I have that hope that she might remember 1 week from now? 10 years from? That I was willing to be next to her no matter what, I keep telling myself that it might be temporary since it's something new and takes her away from her routine that she had with me, but she will bounce back, literally that's the only thing that keeps me going, that's the only hope I've given myself to move from my bed. Forgetting her at least now is something unbearable, even thinking about it makes me want to throw up and the sheer feeling of knowing that she won't be there if I do is ******* me... I do find some peace of mind expressing myself here and also reading about other people's problems, as if in a way... I get relieved? Thank you for taking your time to reply to me.

well, consider it a breather you know.. she can explore what she wants in life and maybe the distance will create some independence from your end.

it does seem the end of the world when someone you love is not in your life... actually it's unbearably painful . you feel alone and can't help pick at yourself bc you think there's some flaw that pushes people away. I'm right there with you! but at the same time, at least for me I have to recognize that there is a co-dependency  style I tend to have with people that I am with.. I think that's what makes our loneliness worse. I've recognized it and it hurts like all to know that about myself, but I also accept it as who I am, even if unhealthy. have you considered that in your friendship? that it co-dependcy may have happened?

you deserve better, a good friend or someone to just be with to make you happy and vice versa, to love. 

i take it day by day and do everything I can to not to think of that- what transpired. have you tried taking walks? I started doing that, I'll walk around my local lake and then treat myself to an iced coffee and just browse the forums at the coffee shop. it's all you can do.

have you ever tried online dating? I did that and ended up making a friend.. who I'm not close to but it's an avenue of communication . 

what about support groups? I've been meaning to do that too.

maybe by the time she comes back around you'll feel better and be more emotionally independent . you never know that could change the friendship & make you tighter. and if not, well at least you can say you grew as a person. 

thats my goal. I mean I lost my person, he moved on to someone else.. but in the very few times when I'm able to gasp for air from this ocean of depression I try to hold out for the small chance that something .. anything .. good can still happen.

and you're right... posting helps a lot. :hugs:

Edited by ejc
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2 hours ago, ejc said:

well, consider it a breather you know.. she can explore what she wants in life and maybe the distance will create some independence from your end.

it does seem the end of the world when someone you love is not in your life... actually it's unbearably painful . you feel alone and can't help pick at yourself bc you think there's some flaw that pushes people away. I'm right there with you! but at the same time, at least for me I have to recognize that there is a co-dependency  style I tend to have with people that I am with.. I think that's what makes our loneliness worse. I've recognized it and it hurts like all to know that about myself, but I also accept it as who I am, even if unhealthy. have you considered that in your friendship? that it co-dependcy may have happened?

you deserve better, a good friend or someone to just be with to make you happy and vice versa, to love. 

i take it day by day and do everything I can to not to think of that- what transpired. have you tried taking walks? I started doing that, I'll walk around my local lake and then treat myself to an iced coffee and just browse the forums at the coffee shop. it's all you can do.

have you ever tried online dating? I did that and ended up making a friend.. who I'm not close to but it's an avenue of communication . 

what about support groups? I've been meaning to do that too.

maybe by the time she comes back around you'll feel better and be more emotionally independent . you never know that could change the friendship & make you tighter. and if not, well at least you can say you grew as a person. 

thats my goal. I mean I lost my person, he moved on to someone else.. but in the very few times when I'm able to gasp for air from this ocean of depression I try to hold out for the small chance that something .. anything .. good can still happen.

and you're right... posting helps a lot. :hugs:

Thank you once again for listening me out and answering back, I am such a closed person and I don't do good with meeting or being with others... It's very hard for me to make new friends or even meet people. At my current state I feel like I want to sob. Also I feel like I put unnecessary burdens on her shoulders by crying to her about everything, thanks again

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you just do what you feel is the best for you. I cry too. sometimes you need a good cry. 

its a way to withdraw your feelings, just purge them.

you deserve happiness, I'll be sending my happy energy your way. 

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16 hours ago, ejc said:

you just do what you feel is the best for you. I cry too. sometimes you need a good cry. 

its a way to withdraw your feelings, just purge them.

you deserve happiness, I'll be sending my happy energy your way. 

Thank you... I really need it, I just had a long talk with her, (I doubt I managed to make her feel any different nor make her understand me no matter how hard i try) the thing is, what I have concluded and told her, is that no matter what she does i will always be there for her and I will no longer whine nor talk to her about my issues and she should be happy, she said ok and continued with the casual if you were not selfish you wouldnt have continued asking why i answered with an "ok". Bottom of the line, sure it does make me feel happy that she will be smiling with her new guy and her girlfriends and maybe pop and see what am i doing, no matter how bad or I feel or how much I need her attention.. I will just keep it all in let it eat me, Its awful but I really think that I want her to be happy, I would gladly take a bullet for her, give my life, my money everything I own, I dont care, what she once made me feel like when I began knowing her is irreplacable, she made me feel valued even if now I dont feel like that, maybe it was because she didnt have anyone to spend her time back then but... to me everything was so real... I dont know what else to do.. Maybe I wont be able to take it and blow up in one or two days and do something stupid... I dont know if anyone will read this or bother but, just hammering on my keyboard right now, just after I said goodnight to her is making me feel a bit relieved... maybe ill keep posting my feelings in this thread, if its against the forum rules I truly apologize, i just want to post it someplace for me to feel better and know that people read this, because deep inside of me I want someone to know how im feeling, even if they wont care in the end...

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I can empathize with you OP. I have since moved on from needing others around and now I am the complete opposite where I prefer solitude. But when you made friends and felt them pulling away, it really does hurt a lot. Especially when it is hard to make friends. I have been trying to take a step back and working on my independence a bit. You seem to be very loyal and have compassion and it really sucks when others don't reciprocate. I learned that it was common and that for me, good friends could spend time apart but still feel connected. They had open communication and didn't shut the other person off. What do you have in common with you friend, or what do you like about your friend that makes you so loyal? I would take some time to yourself as well and find things that you can enjoy alone. I'm sure you have amazing qualities within you!  I wish you good luck on whatever you choose!

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1 hour ago, Icarus21 said:

I can empathize with you OP. I have since moved on from needing others around and now I am the complete opposite where I prefer solitude. But when you made friends and felt them pulling away, it really does hurt a lot. Especially when it is hard to make friends. I have been trying to take a step back and working on my independence a bit. You seem to be very loyal and have compassion and it really sucks when others don't reciprocate. I learned that it was common and that for me, good friends could spend time apart but still feel connected. They had open communication and didn't shut the other person off. What do you have in common with you friend, or what do you like about your friend that makes you so loyal? I would take some time to yourself as well and find things that you can enjoy alone. I'm sure you have amazing qualities within you!  I wish you good luck on whatever you choose!

Your words are making me feel much better, I would love if we could talk more as I felt like you understand how I can feel, to be honest I do like solitude or at least I did, that's why I give my focus on one person. In my case that person was the first one in my life that made me feel valued and was not just using me and do other things when I wasn't needed, I had some problems and that person was next to me and helped me out, I felt so close that I could literally give everything to them since they did that for me. And as I've said, to now lose that one person that I thought felt the same way as I did towards them (at least not at the same magnitude as me) but still I thought they did actually care. And now they just... Don't seem to bother or she says to me that " I won't ruin my life to make you feel better" and I'm always replying of course you won't.. That's  exactly the opposite of what j want you to do.. But please understand how you're making me feel.. And then she goes off and tells me that in selfish and I'm overreacting. I don't understand.. The only thing that makes sense is that she is saying these things as if she wants to keep herself thinking shes doing nothing wrong.. I'm lost but reading what you wrote makes me smile.. Please do keep posting if you feel like it. It feels like I could maybe learn more from you. Thanks again 

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7 hours ago, someone111 said:

Thank you... I really need it, I just had a long talk with her, (I doubt I managed to make her feel any different nor make her understand me no matter how hard i try) the thing is, what I have concluded and told her, is that no matter what she does i will always be there for her and I will no longer whine nor talk to her about my issues and she should be happy, she said ok and continued with the casual if you were not selfish you wouldnt have continued asking why i answered with an "ok". Bottom of the line, sure it does make me feel happy that she will be smiling with her new guy and her girlfriends and maybe pop and see what am i doing, no matter how bad or I feel or how much I need her attention.. I will just keep it all in let it eat me, Its awful but I really think that I want her to be happy, I would gladly take a bullet for her, give my life, my money everything I own, I dont care, what she once made me feel like when I began knowing her is irreplacable, she made me feel valued even if now I dont feel like that, maybe it was because she didnt have anyone to spend her time back then but... to me everything was so real... I dont know what else to do.. Maybe I wont be able to take it and blow up in one or two days and do something stupid... I dont know if anyone will read this or bother but, just hammering on my keyboard right now, just after I said goodnight to her is making me feel a bit relieved... maybe ill keep posting my feelings in this thread, if its against the forum rules I truly apologize, i just want to post it someplace for me to feel better and know that people read this, because deep inside of me I want someone to know how im feeling, even if they wont care in the end...

it's called love. and it has razor sharp edges. of course it's going to Burt when you the positive things happening to someone else .. especially ifu wanted to be with her. which I get the gist is what happened ? you developed feelings?

depression and a broken heart is the worst experience. I've been through it 2x , currently going through my 3rd right now- depression and heartbreak.

the pain is your shadow. 

i have to keep busy, I'll incorporate staying in bed but I try to do different things, walk, coffee shops just sit there and drink coffee and do the forums here. have you tried doing stuff? becoming friends with someone here or at psych central may work. getting messages of support is always good. you can always message me if you want... even if it's to rant . we are all here to support each other in what way we can through this forum. 

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5 hours ago, ejc said:

it's called love. and it has razor sharp edges. of course it's going to Burt when you the positive things happening to someone else .. especially ifu wanted to be with her. which I get the gist is what happened ? you developed feelings?

depression and a broken heart is the worst experience. I've been through it 2x , currently going through my 3rd right now- depression and heartbreak.

the pain is your shadow. 

i have to keep busy, I'll incorporate staying in bed but I try to do different things, walk, coffee shops just sit there and drink coffee and do the forums here. have you tried doing stuff? becoming friends with someone here or at psych central may work. getting messages of support is always good. you can always message me if you want... even if it's to rant . we are all here to support each other in what way we can through this forum. 

I did develop feelings for her but I knew it wouldn't work out, I don't want to lose her from my life, I did ask her and she told me she doesn't want to but she wanted to be friends and so did I. Yes it might hurt me that someone else is with her instead of me but that's selfish of me and I never ever talk to her about these feelings since its her life and her choices, I could bear with that.. But the recent events as I described, her forgetting that I exist is what I can't take anymore... Thank you for your support, I will try to find other people to talk with but as I said... I currently don't feel like wanting to know or talk to others and develop w friendly relationship.

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2 hours ago, someone111 said:

I did develop feelings for her but I knew it wouldn't work out, I don't want to lose her from my life, I did ask her and she told me she doesn't want to but she wanted to be friends and so did I. Yes it might hurt me that someone else is with her instead of me but that's selfish of me and I never ever talk to her about these feelings since its her life and her choices, I could bear with that.. But the recent events as I described, her forgetting that I exist is what I can't take anymore... Thank you for your support, I will try to find other people to talk with but as I said... I currently don't feel like wanting to know or talk to others and develop w friendly relationship.

I read all the posts here and many people are right on point. I understand your feelings, there's no easy solution to feel "normal" again... I do want to say though that her saying that stuff to you is also wrong. for her to push back and say oh you're selfish, she doesn't understand that your situation is delicate bc of what you are going through. a true friend would handle it better by not making you feel worse but also making it clear that there are things happening in her life that she must attend to. the nature of the relationship should have changed as opposed to her just pushing you away.

but you're walking on a tight rope. how you communicate and how frequently is key. if you want to preserve what is left then you'll have to reciprocate the degree of communication. if you try to have the same relationship she may just close up .

do you have other people you can talk to?

how are you doing? are you feeling a little less terrible ? (I rarely say "better" here bc getting better to me feels like you're taking giant leaps instead of baby steps , which is now us depressed people deal) 

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3 hours ago, ejc said:

I read all the posts here and many people are right on point. I understand your feelings, there's no easy solution to feel "normal" again... I do want to say though that her saying that stuff to you is also wrong. for her to push back and say oh you're selfish, she doesn't understand that your situation is delicate bc of what you are going through. a true friend would handle it better by not making you feel worse but also making it clear that there are things happening in her life that she must attend to. the nature of the relationship should have changed as opposed to her just pushing you away.

but you're walking on a tight rope. how you communicate and how frequently is key. if you want to preserve what is left then you'll have to reciprocate the degree of communication. if you try to have the same relationship she may just close up .

do you have other people you can talk to?

how are you doing? are you feeling a little less terrible ? (I rarely say "better" here bc getting better to me feels like you're taking giant leaps instead of baby steps , which is now us depressed people deal) 

I dont know how I am feeling, I guess I feel a bit less terrible indeed after reading what people wrote to me and reading around the forums about other peoples issues. But still I am at a loss, indeed I want to preserve my relationship and hopefully get her to be open with me one day.. I really dont know how to do that though, I said to myself that I wont talk to her and instead wait for her to communicate, is it a wrong path? Should I try something else? Also I dont have currently someone else to talk to, she was my only out, we had a circle of friends but lately they are hanging without me, mostly because I guess she knows I will be a pain if im around (since shes going out with the guy she likes ) and if i was out with them things could turn ugly? And I also think its not a good idea too. But again I messed up, I just sent her This Song since it reflects my current state and my current decisions better than anything else.. Was it wrong from me? To send her that? Even when I told her I wont talk to her about my feelings yesterday? I just felt like I had to share it with her...

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just let her go.

texting her or trying to contact with her thru any medium, would make you anticipate for an answer, for hours for that matter. After hours of waiting she may reply with just a "ok", or may not reply at all, making you feel worse and desperate. Desperation may lead you to do something you shud not have done. One thing leads to another, in the end this may not produce any fruit.

You can remember her, and even keep her revived in your heart forever. Love does not necessarily mean you have to have that person "with" you, is it? You can love her from a distance. If you do not want to forget her, you do not have to. If you do not want to move on, dont. Take as much time as you need to feel at ease "without" her presence. Move on when YOU want to, it could a few months later or 5 years later, no issues, as long as you are comfortable with it. Please dont rush yourself at dating someone else. 

While you are at it, resolve your inner issues, since you have not really mentioned any in your previous posts. What are the things in your daily life that you shared with her, could you share them here or to your therapist if you have one? 

No need to send her any text or email any longer. Try your maximum best to refrain yourself from doing so. Just stopping yourself for only 10 days should do the trick; anyhow and in anyway just stop yourself from communicating with her for 10 days. You can maintain a journal and a calendar starting today. Express all your feelings in that journal. Then at the end of the day, take a calendar and cross off the 1st day from your list.

During these days you can disconnect your phone and your internet. Go out to a place which has forests, mountains, animals, the open blue sky and the fresh air. Just go and relax. Favour yourself. 

No one person can control you, unless you let them. 

 

 

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24 minutes ago, Cloudy888 said:

just let her go.

texting her or trying to contact with her thru any medium, would make you anticipate for an answer, for hours for that matter. After hours of waiting she may reply with just a "ok", or may not reply at all, making you feel worse and desperate. Desperation may lead you to do something you shud not have done. One thing leads to another, in the end this may not produce any fruit.

You can remember her, and even keep her revived in your heart forever. Love does not necessarily mean you have to have that person "with" you, is it? You can love her from a distance. If you do not want to forget her, you do not have to. If you do not want to move on, dont. Take as much time as you need to feel at ease "without" her presence. Move on when YOU want to, it could a few months later or 5 years later, no issues, as long as you are comfortable with it. Please dont rush yourself at dating someone else. 

While you are at it, resolve your inner issues, since you have not really mentioned any in your previous posts. What are the things in your daily life that you shared with her, could you share them here or to your therapist if you have one? 

No need to send her any text or email any longer. Try your maximum best to refrain yourself from doing so. Just stopping yourself for only 10 days should do the trick; anyhow and in anyway just stop yourself from communicating with her for 10 days. You can maintain a journal and a calendar starting today. Express all your feelings in that journal. Then at the end of the day, take a calendar and cross off the 1st day from your list.

During these days you can disconnect your phone and your internet. Go out to a place which has forests, mountains, animals, the open blue sky and the fresh air. Just go and relax. Favour yourself. 

No one person can control you, unless you let them. 

 

 

I just can't let her go... I tried I really did, for example just 20 minutes ago I couldn't hold back, I haven't talked to her at all since yesterday and as I was checking Facebook I saw that she was online 5 minutes ago then after an hour I would check again and see that she was active 1 minute ago, so 20 minutes ago I couldn't hold it any longer and I asked her how she is doing and how was her day, she said everything was fine and that she will take a shower and go out ( with that guy and other friends again ) I told her to have a great time and we said bye to each other, I did felt relieved after talking to her, but again I was the one that asked her how she was and I made first contact, if I've let it most probably she wouldn't have asked me, and that's making me sad. About how was my relationship with her before all this and before meeting him or trying to distance herself, we would hang out almost all day every day, either that was via Skype ( watching series, movies or playing games together) discussing about random things, and sometimes of the week we would go out, (not just the two of us) with some friends that hanged on skype with us, sometimes we would give massages to each other, and if you want me to go into more details she liked foot massage the most, obviously I enjoyed it too, since she was feeling great and I was getting my dose of false hope in a way? Well about a month ago she started working double hours so we wouldn't see each other that often up close maybe 1 time in two weeks? But we would talk and watch stuff on skype everyday, sometimes she would go out with girlfriends or other friends , which was ok with me since she can't be attached to me all the time, but we still had a healthy dose of communication. The real (excuse my language) started when she found out that she likes that guy and that he likes her back too, (obviously as I said before I hate it but that's my own issue and I have no word in her life nor I want to be a medium for her to make decions based upon my feelings) yet again it hurts... Sorry for the long post and thank you for your help. I really can't escape anywhere as even if I sit down or lay on my own bed I drown with thoughts about our past memories and the now so I just can't think of me holding for 10 days at my current state

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I had this question: Did you guys date eachother earlier, or you were more like friends? I mean was there a full--fledged relationship? How long was it? (apologies if you have already written it somewhere)

Do you miss her because you wanted her in  your life as more than just a friend, or because you miss your beloved friend who you cannot talk to as frequently as you did earlier? Are you in love with her?

If you two had not dated before, she is free to date whoever she wants. And you must let her go. 

I do not understand this thing: There are people out there who have never been loved, and yearn for it silently, only to be rejected harshly time and again. And then there are individuals like the person who you are in love with, who is getting more attention than she deserves. One is your unrequited attention, and the other of her boyfriend. I hope she has some gratitude for this. 

As for you I feel you should let her go, and see if she ever comes back to you. Checking for her facebook availability is a complete waste of time, you are just stepping towards an unhealthy way of living. It is clear that she is no longer interested to even maintain a "friendship". Face it and leave it. It may sound rude, but thats how it is. 

 

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1 hour ago, Cloudy888 said:

I had this question: Did you guys date eachother earlier, or you were more like friends? I mean was there a full--fledged relationship? How long was it? (apologies if you have already written it somewhere)

Do you miss her because you wanted her in  your life as more than just a friend, or because you miss your beloved friend who you cannot talk to as frequently as you did earlier? Are you in love with her?

If you two had not dated before, she is free to date whoever she wants. And you must let her go. 

I do not understand this thing: There are people out there who have never been loved, and yearn for it silently, only to be rejected harshly time and again. And then there are individuals like the person who you are in love with, who is getting more attention than she deserves. One is your unrequited attention, and the other of her boyfriend. I hope she has some gratitude for this. 

As for you I feel you should let her go, and see if she ever comes back to you. Checking for her facebook availability is a complete waste of time, you are just stepping towards an unhealthy way of living. It is clear that she is no longer interested to even maintain a "friendship". Face it and leave it. It may sound rude, but thats how it is. 

 

We did not have a relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend, we were more like friends, but in the pass of time and sometimes stuff we did hinted me towards her having a romantic attraction to me, which was false and I got rejected, yet we both wanted to be friends, and I just can't let her go. I agree she is free to do whatever she wants and I won't be a burden to her,. It as she says she does care about me and wants to be my friend. And so do I no matter how much it pains me to think of her not being mine and also not even being able to have her close even if it's not a romantic relationship.

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I just post for the sake of me feeling better about it, so I have somehow managed to not get too agitated when I think about her not really paying attention to me, also today (At least as of now) I havent said anything to her or made any contact, so did she though, she is online and she is browsing around and stuff but she hasnt bothered with me, it is painful but I will do my best to maybe make her see that I am not for granted and that I have some type of honor about myself, other than that I still feel guilt and worthless in her eyes and its ******* me. I feel so much better by writing down my thoughts here, I have tried writing them down on a notebook but it doesnt give me the same feeling.. We had a chat yesterday she kept talking about the new guy how awesome he is how much she likes him and all of this, sure its something new in her life and shes excited but the pain i get for not being able to make her feel happy and relieved when im around anymore is ******* me, really old memories just keep blasting in when she was smiling and having a great time with me and now we are in this "fighting state" of "you are hurting me too much" and "you are being selfish i wont destroy my life cause of your feelings" circle... sigh, lets hope she contacts me later today, that would make me happy

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So yeah, we had somewhat of a talk as I was trying to once again explain to her that I feel left out and alone, yet to hear im selfish, the whole conversation ended with her saying that she most of the time "didnt have anything beter to do" and thats why... And after that she told me she is going out with the new guy and also said that they would probably be together from today and make out. Am I being overly crazy about all this? Is this how someone that I thought was a close friend of mine (and that she had me as a close friend too) should treat each other? Am I delusional for thinking that she just dropped me for something that makes her feel better? In the end is it wrong for me to feel that way? I dont know what to feel or do anymore, everything seems meaningless? As if I just lost my purpose? A fun fact is that I had my heart broken by a girl before, I managed to get over it, and after some years I had a relationship with one of her friends back then which resulted in another disappointment, she left everyone because she found another boyfriend, so back then I was totally demolished after 2 major breakups I was thinking that theres no need to having people close to you, theres no reason to give my all to someone just to throw me in the trashbin afterwards... but then I made the mistake, thats when I started getting closer to the current girl im talking about since the begging of the post, I remember clearly telling her, when I thought to myself that, I told her "Screw it I will do it one more time, I will invest my all and I hope you wont be the same person as the ones before" she smiled and said no, no way I will be like them ever, and after 2 years, here we are, I also told her that, I told her "isnt this what you told me you will never be like?" in which she replied, its not like that, im not dumping you, i just give attention to other stuff too... I dont know if theres any reason to trust people, why trust them, for what they give to you is nothing compared to what might happen, why did I take the chance? Why do I always fall for the things people tell me? Why do I just open up so willingly to others? Maybe its because I want to feel loved? I always feel like I give everything most of the times feeling like I dont need anything in return, other than a smile or some gratitude nothing else, something to make me feel wanted, but in the end i just get used up, why do i have to be such a failure to everyones eyes? Maybe if im a d**k to them and never show them the slightest sliver of attention or love they will surround me? Women and men alike, I used to talk with 2 of my highschool friends, only to dish me out when they found 2 girls that were close friends, wouldnt find time for me, they would only care about themselves having a nice time, why make bonds? bonds that are broken by such simple things... its amazing what the human mind can do to your body.... I just feel i will become a black soul, a void, nothing.. maybe it would be better that way?

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Today she finished it, she told me that sometimes she just spent time with me because she felt bad leaving me alone, she also said that I'm not important in her life when a month ago she said I was, she told me to not talk to her anymore and stop obsessing about her, then we could maybe talk again once in a while or something, that's what she told me. All this because I asked her if there's something wrong because we haven't talked for two weeks since I said to myself I would stop bothering her and let her talk to me, but she never did so I just asked why wouldn't she spend some time with me if I'm her friend, she just told me "you're just a GUY that has a crush on me and you're obsessed" that's how she addressed me a GUY, I just wanted her friendship but slowly I realize that she's a completely different person and a huge liar, problem is... I can't believe that that's how she is, when I remember her smiles and the time we spend together I can't believe that she actually would be that way, she's a completely different person, I'm just confused and sad. I can't believe that she said these things to me when she was saying exactly the opposite months ago.. I was once again betrayed and had my feelings crushed yet again. And I remember telling her... I shouldn't invest myself I shouldn't do it, I can't go trough it again it will break me.. And back then she said she's not like that so I did put my all just one more time... Fast forward today and where am I? At the same position betrayed by someone I thought was amazing...

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