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Hi,

I just joined this because recently I have been having issues with my anti-depression medication and saw a topic from someone going through the same issues. Let me introduce myself by saying I have been struggling with depression for over 10 years. My whole life I have been sick and in and out of the hospital. I did Dialysis for 21 years because I was born with a kidney disease and had my kidneys taken out when I was 4 months old. I eventually got a kidney Transplant in 2009. Most people assume that I would/do enjoy my life more now that I have a kidney than when I was on dialysis, but sadly the opposite is true. My depression started in the 7th grade. I was homeschooled because of all my health problems and we had just moved to a new Church that had peers that were mostly in public school instead of homeschool. Because of this and not being familiar with peers outside of the hospital, I began to feel so isolated and alone. When I was at the hospital, I had my medical friend there but  outside of it, I didn't have any true friends. This contined on for some years until one of my best friends from the hospital randomly decided that she didn't want to be friend with me anymore and so I had lost my closest friend and not too long before that, I found out that my young childhood best friend had died overseas (She was from the country of Qutar) and I never did get to say goodbye to her. Years went on and on and I started to feel the lack of energy from so many years of doing dialysis. I decide then to try to get a kidney transplant because the doctors always told me how much energy I would have once I got a kidney. I figured that it would be good to get more energy since I was currently in college to be a baker at the time and I just had trouble physically keeping up with the fast paced career choice. Sadly, I have come to find out that this was the biggest mistake of my entire life. I went on the long journey to get a Kidney with all the procedure,surgeries, and medications it took just to get my body ready to even get the kidney. All done outside of my home state because I was such a tough case. It took two years just to get stable and I ended up with 75% LESS energy than I had when I was on Dialysis. On top of the decreased energy. I also ended up having my overies removed (The doctors thought they both needed to be removed but later on I realized that they could've kept one in). Which sent me straight into menopause. They tried the regular estrogen treatments but all that did was give me a DVT that will never go away and that I have to be on blood thinners for life. I eventually married my childhood sweetheart. I had saved mysellf for him and saved my first kiss for the wedding kiss. But I found out because of the menopause, we could never ever have sex or children. So, now I am here today, no job prospects because of no energy, no children because of lack of overies and financial ability to adopt, and no future other than to sleep and wait to die. At least I have my husband and two cats. But that is it. I feel useless, no good, waste of flesh.

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You're not a useless, waste of flesh. Never think like that. Imagine how hurt your husband and cats would be if you were gone.

It sounds like you want to find something to live for. Work and children aren't the only things in life. Well, work in a traditional sense of the 9-5 grind. Let's say you enjoy drawing. Draw everyday. Share your finished works with others on a blog. This is one way of working. Or you could spend your days chatting on here, giving hopeful messages to others.

There are ways of working that don't involve a boss or office.

I'm really sorry that you've had so many health problems, but it's great that you survived and are still here. I hope that you find the forums helpful!

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You probably feel tired from sleeping that long. Yes, you can feel tired from oversleeping. I know that I do. You should try to wake up 15 minutes earlier everyday until you get around 8-9 hours of sleep.

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5 hours ago, LaurynJcat said:

(((((((sadkitty23))))))  I am so sorry to read of all you've been through and how tired you are.  Depression itself can make one extremely tired, let alone with all the kidney problems.  I'm struggling with that myself.  I'm so sorry, though, to read that your kidney transplant didn't go well.  Glad you have your husband but sorry you can't have sex (why would menopause cause that) or children?  

Anyway, PM me if you like and we can talk more.  I'm 47 and never had children due to money troubles and my husband has a hereditary physical disability. 

Hugs,

Lauryn

It's because the chemicals that are produced with overies keep the area working but without them, the opening closes off unless it is used all the time and because I got my overies out 5 years before I got married and never had estrogen, the opening sealed itself off.

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