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pinkgirl22

I want to give up...

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It's difficult to explain but I just want to give up. I feel absolutely hopeless and hurt up to the point I can;t bear with my life. I feel suicide is becoming my only solution.

My life has never been easy, always been a misery but I had some hope. Just recently things started to get worse. Past few months has been very tough for me but I survived and I thought I was going in the right direction with my life. Still with plenty of troubles and hard time but it looked OK-ish.

But some recent things at work killed me and I feel like a cuz I didn't get recognition for my hard work. I don't feel appreciated there at all. I wanna change but I am very insecure with changes. Just at current place I feel so discouraged and mistreated. The worst is I fell for one of people who can't appreciate my work and it hurts even more... I don;t know what to do.....

There are other problems too. I feel in general unloved and skipped. I don;t know if its cuz I had a bad childhood and missed my parents love and I am somehow damaged or if it's real feeling cuz some of my friends can;t find 5 minutes to meet?? I am trying not to ask for too much cuz I get it, everyone has own life but it would be nice to spend time with people I care about and who mean something to me....

 

I am here again cuz my own thoughts scare me. Every time I pass by rail station I have this feeling 'what if......' and well, I don;t need to end the sentence right?  It's just like I still fear but everyday less :( I have had suicidal thoughts for a very long time but it was 'quite' normal.... cuz I didn't do more than thinking... now I observe trains, how fast they go and where would be the highest chances for 99.9% success.... I know, even writing about it is wrong and sounds wrong but can;t help it...:(

.

 

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We are here for you as best we can be. Depression can be overwhelming but I firmly believe there is always a way out.

So often we go too deep and get lost in our subterranean landscape. Every depression/cave is unique but we can safely maneuver ourselves to the ENTRANCE/EXIT with some imagination and creativity. I know when things are so very dark it can seem hopeless. 

Suicide is a permanent solution to Temporary problems. Your story sounds very difficult but maybe it could help if you remember that you are author of your story and not the other way around. Does that make any sense?

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Hi Pinkgirl22,

     How terrible it is that you are suffering like this.  I remember you from your previous posts although my memory is so bad I will have to read them over again.  "Depressed mood" is a gross understatement when one has been struggling with unrelenting depression for so long.  I don't know what to say partly because during my worst depression, everything people told me sounded so pitiful and even condescending.  

Being "in" depression is so different from everything else.  Really sorry you are in it!  The words needed are the words that would give you back the joy of life, but I don't have any words like that.  Please do not do anything to harm yourself!  Things that seem hopeless can change fairly quickly and surprisingly sometime.  Sorry, I know that must sound so empty and trite.

As a sufferer of severe depression and anxiety, I often ride the train for relief and once while on a Sunday train, a person was struck.  I have never seen so many people, adults and children sobbing out loud in my life, including me.   I knew the conductors and engineer and they were traumatized for weeks.  Me too.  Now when I am on the train I say a little prayer every time we pass that spot.  Of course I am the last person on earth to give you advice or tell you what to do.  I am a fellow sufferer of depression myself!  

Sadly, the Depression Forums is not a crisis hotline.  We here are all fellow sufferers.  None of us are medical professionals or trained to help in crisis situations.  I hope you will call a crisis hotline if you cannot get these thoughts to stop because the people on the hotlines can help.  To call the thoughts you mention 'scary' is so so true. 

You didn't ask for the situation you are in.  You do not deserve this suffering.  I am sure you have done literally millions of good things, strong and brave things, wise and beautiful things in your life.  I know that underneath the depression is a wonderful person stuck in an awful misfortune.  I am sad that I don't know what to say to really help . . . to really help.  You are in my thoughts and prayers!

Sincerely, Epictetus

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Pinkgirl22... your past is an extremely troubled one, but I know that you'll be able to get through this.

I know that you've went through a lot, and your past experiences have damaged your self-confidence and made you feel as if you don't deserve anything good out of life, but you do. You so do... if some people don't appreciate you, then it's better to not really take what they've said or done into account.  I know that it's hard to change or accept change, but I feel as if it's what's right for you. Some people are just brought up to maximize appreciation for their own efforts and ignore what others can do . But that isn't the right environment for you. Working at that particular area is just going to make you feel worse, and it's better if you switched  to some other company, one with a reputation that guarantees that you'll be appreciated and cared for. There's companies where people treat each other like family, and I'm very sure that those type of companies suit you better. 

There'll be people who want to love you and want to be loved by you in return, and there's absolutely no harm in getting to know more people. They could be just round the corner, and I think that a lot of them would want to meet someone like you too. Give everyone a chance, and join more group activities and societies... you'll be able to maximize your chances of meeting someone who's just right for you, and it'll definitely help you out. You also need more self-belief and trust in yourself, because some mean people have downplayed you and what you're able to do too much, and that ain't good for anyone. 

Give life a chance , because you deserve to be happy. I know that you deserve happiness, and that you deserve to be happy.. so happy that your face can't contain the smile you deserve. *hugs* 

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Hairpy, Epitectus, Oscar, Lonely--thank you all.... those few words each of you wrote helped me a little bit, just reading what you wrote made me feel better in some way so big thank you....

It's not my intention to call hot line... they can't help me there. I think it will make things even worse than now. Even now I am writing this post and I feel a bit better I can sense a ball of unimaginable pain in my stomach. I don;t know how to live/act anymore. Even some of my friends understand what I am going through they're most of the time 'don't feel sorry for yourself' and be strong etc etc... I don;t feel sorry for myself. I am just so deeply hurt by so many people. I have problems with trust already and it's not getting any better.

It's my dream, to be happy and serious-problems free one day. I know life ain't easy and there will be always something but now it's just too much for one person(me). I am trying to be strong but I've been trying to stay strong for such a long time and now I just feel tired and broken. Every single time I think I get closer to make my life a little better it turns out nothing is better, sometimes it's even worse....I feel like such a disaster. There are so much things in my life that needs improvement (I am not even mentioning them here) I don;t know where to start sometimes... and then such a stupid things like recent work situation make me feel even worse. Like I already don't have enough. I am stupid not to let this thing go but sometimes it;s so tough to let things go or forget...

Thanks for support:flowers::flowers::flowers: it means to me more than you can imagine. Now I need to be brave and change something so I can carry on with my life. Probably you will see me soon here cuz DF is the only place where I get some support :icon12::icon12::icon12:

Spoiler
Spoiler

 

 

 

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You're so welcome. I also wanna tell you that if some people hurt you, then those people purely did it out of irrational hate, and their actions are worthy of one thing -forgetting. Don't think about the painful experiences that you've went through.. think about how things can change for the better from here on out. Meet more people, and don't think about those who 've hurt you. They were insensitive, and it's time you let go of that ball of pain... replace it with a ball of happiness. *hugs*

For me, I found that by helping people out, and making sure that they smile... the ball of happiness really grows. Don't doubt that things are getting better... the key to improvement is the strength of your mind - If you believe that you'll be able to stay safe and mature and advance from this stage.. you definitely will be able to. Believe and be strong :)

You'll always be welcome to share your thoughts because we wanna hear them... I wanna hear them. We'll put forth 100% of our effort to ensure that you're happy. 

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I'm sorry to hear you're having such a hard time. I'm glad you're still with us! Sounds like there's a lot going on. Like others have said, I also think that when people hurt you and can't make time for you then it's time to move on and make some real friends. You're worth it! 

Have you considered making a major life change, like moving to a different area, changing jobs, or having a great adventure? (Like skydiving, or visiting a foreign country?). That might help! Hang in there! 

Edited by encourager101

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Hi, it;s me again... I m still walking around this world even though the pain eats my heart every single second..... I just want this feeling to be gone... I feel mistreated and misunderstood... I don;t know what else I can do? Beg for a help?? Or maybe take some drugs, drink some %% and pray for quick and quite painless death...??  I mean why......I am trying so hard but I can;t be happy... I can;t do it anymore,,, and then every time I think of suicide I worry about my funeral(if they will follow my will and if my hand written will without lawyer will mean anything to my friends and family)...so many questions and so less answers... I feel empty, hurted to the bottom and I just can;t....

 

its so complicated... to be hurt by people you love... you care about....sometimes they hurt me probably without realizing how destroyed I am..how much it hurts me....and I am almost begging for a death...

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Some of the things you have said, are words that have left my mouth.   I was in a psych ward in December (on Christmas day) because I took an overdose.  I took it because the girl that promised me she loved me betrayed me.  And I was caught totally off guard and I have been devastated since.  Only the past 8 days I have found some motivation to keep going.  I don't have any friends, and I no support.  So whatever I accomplish I do on my own.  I have had some help here and there, to help me cope.  Please, I know it hurts, but please don't give up.  I could tell you some really bad graphic things that happened to me, but her doing what she did was the worst thing I've ever felt emotionally.  If you ever want to talk PLEASE message me.  

Seriously those last two lines you wrote, I can really relate.

Edited by glfinding

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