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I’ve been depressed since my mid-teens, when a childhood spent being emotionally abused, intimidated and isolated by my father took it’s inevitable toll. There followed years of a lack of any secure and trusting relationships with anyone, and I never had a girlfriend until I was 28. I spent the majority of my twenties working menial, low-paying jobs that left me unfulfilled, but as I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life I assumed this was an inevitable consequence.

Within the same period, I had two incidents of major clinical depression, following two brief attempts at relationships that were ended swiftly. After the second case, I bit the bullet by going to see a doctor. I was prescribed Prozac and CBT. After about a year on Prozac, I decided to end the treatment.

In the years since, I moved abroad and started a fairly happy relationship and worked as a teacher. I didn’t particularly enjoy teaching, but decided that, as I didn’t know what else I wanted to do, this was as good a profession as any. To gain more credentials and aim for better paying jobs, I decided to return home and undertake a teaching course that would give me recognized teacher status.

But that’s when it’s all fallen apart. Within a month, I realised that I hate teaching, practically everything about it. The scrutiny, behaviour management, workload and stress associated with this, have become particularly unbearable, and I fear I’m not going to be able to complete the course. I'm constantly stressed, and have no time to myself. 

I want to just leave the course. But then I have no idea what to do with my life .At the age of 34. I have little in the way of savings, and now no idea about where my future lies. As a result, I’m incredibly depressed to the degree I was many years before. I constantly think about how everyone else I know seems to have life in order and are financially secure, and how this course was pretty much my last attempt at a life. I feel like an utter failure. 

What few friends I had in my hometown now seem to have fallen by the wayside, and I fear I’m just going to end up poor, lonely and deeply depressed once again, only this time further down a sinking hole.

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I'm glad you decided to reach out.  I remember too, being caught in a dead-end job, in a factory, afraid to quit because I had 11 years seniority and benefits, vacation days, etc. until a serious car accident decided my fate.  I could no longer sit for long periods of time that were required in a factory setting so I took a leap of faith, quit, and went back to school.  It wasn't easy, but it was the best thing I ever did.  That was a long time ago and I'm on disability now but that's another story...lol.

Is there some way you could take some classes or training while still working as a teacher?  I find what I call "treasure hunting" (buying things at garage sales and thrift stores) reselling online a great way to make extra income and it's fun too.  I mean, come on, getting paid to SHOP?  What's not to love?  :D

I hope you can reconnect with your old friends.  I moved back to my hometown almost 6 years ago now and only recently have been putting myself out there, reacquainting and meeting new friends.  I walk a lot, listening to music as I do, and it helps.  I also have my painting and other crafts for distractions.

I hope you find something to put a ray of sunshine back in your life, you deserve it.  Coming here was a great first step.  It saved me years ago and though I haven't visited the forum for a while, I decided to check in today...maybe it was just to talk to you!  Best of luck to you, and remember, HOPE (Hold On, Pain Ends).

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Welcome to the forum. Perhaps it might help if you remember that the "sinking hole" you find yourself in is a metaphorical sinking hole.

If you're metaphorically sinking you can metaphorically climb out. The important thing to my mind is be in charge of your metaphorical sinking hole or whatever metaphor depression exhibits.

I'm and all of us are here for you if need advice and support.

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