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Why Am I Still Alive? What Do I Have To Live For?


nexus321

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I'm a 26 year old male loser who's trying to get his GED equivalency. I have never had a girlfriend, I have never kissed and I have never had sex. 

I can't even get a job, I don't have a drivers license because I keep panicking when I do the driving test. I don't have friends, people don't like me. I feel so alone, I have no one to talk to. What kind of life is this? What am I living for? The only reason I don't **** myself is because my dad would be sad, other than that I see no reason to not do it. I wish I had friends I wish I had people who cared about me. I really wish I had a girlfriend, I wish I knew what a kiss felt like. I'm a complete failure in life and I don't see it ever working out for me. No one would really miss me when I'm dead. I should just end it. No point in living another 50 years like this. I spend the entire day alone without anyone to talk to.

My day is like: get up, watch tv, do some studying on the computer and watch tv again. And that's it, there is nothing fun about it. The same day repeats itself. Days blur together. I can't stop being sad, I keep thinking about suicide. I get rejected by women left and right it's like I am no ones type. I wish I could just die, this world is hell.

 

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Hey man it appears you're going through a rough time and that's okay everyone has low points or late blossomings you just have to find what works for you. The way you're talking I would suggest maybe seeing a therapist but if you're against that try to do something for yourself. Join some yoga and meditation classes and trust me you will see the difference in your life. With a schedule like yours anyone is bound to get depressed. When I was at home most of my days afraid to leave the house I was miserable. Once I went out and started doing things and meditating my mindset was more positive and I started attracting positive things into my life. When it comes to girls im not too experienced either as I'm only 19 but I have heard stories of people who have found their loved one through a dating site. One thing I know is that the less sex you have as a young adult the better it will be when you find the right person so look forward to that. Also don't call yourself a loser that's not the way to go. If you call yourself that then how can you be anything else. Try to see that the only reason you feel like that is because of all the movies and shows depicting "losers" as nerds and geeks and people that don't have sex and do drugs all the time. But you are who you are and there's nothing wrong with that. -peace

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1 hour ago, nexus321 said:

I'm a 26 year old male loser who's trying to get his GED equivalency. I have never had a girlfriend, I have never kissed and I have never had sex. 

I can't even get a job, I don't have a drivers license because I keep panicking when I do the driving test. I don't have friends, people don't like me. I feel so alone, I have no one to talk to. What kind of life is this? What am I living for? The only reason I don't **** myself is because my dad would be sad, other than that I see no reason to not do it. I wish I had friends I wish I had people who cared about me. I really wish I had a girlfriend, I wish I knew what a kiss felt like. I'm a complete failure in life and I don't see it ever working out for me. No one would really miss me when I'm dead. I should just end it. No point in living another 50 years like this. I spend the entire day alone without anyone to talk to.

My day is like: get up, watch tv, do some studying on the computer and watch tv again. And that's it, there is nothing fun about it. The same day repeats itself. Days blur together. I can't stop being sad, I keep thinking about suicide. I get rejected by women left and right it's like I am no ones type. I wish I could just die, this world is hell.

 

Don't be afraid to seek help if you need it.  I waited 7-8 years+ to get any professional help, because of the "stigma".  I'm not cured...but I learned some better ways to cope with depression.  Hope you feel better and things start to improve for you!!  Take care and keep fighting!

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Hi Nexus,

It sounds like you're going through a really dark and difficult time. you're not a loser, you're human and you're trying to cope and make it day by day. you're trying to get your GED so you can get ahead. it's never too late for that. 

finding the right person is going to take time. I know the pressure is there because you're constantly reminded of the happiness of others either by going out and about, tv, Internet, social media all that crap ... especially commercials. oh god. those are the worse. of course you're going to be reminded that your life isn't perfect. very few have the "perfect" life .

 I'm 33, I did college, graduated law school and I'm earning the same I was in college. no kids, no boyfriend. one crap relationship after another... my point is no one has it together except for a lucky few . I've learned that it's all about appearances . 

im just like you but in a different stage of life, the pressure for me is getting married and having kids and having a career. 

i go to work, go home watch tv. it's lame.

but, see that's just how it is. I figured the best thing to do is just make it day by day, hour by hour sometimes. if you can try to get your GED and get counseling or keep posting here.. or find some support its a start. 

youre worth more than what you give yourself credit for and you're not alone. we're all going through this flipping terrible depression ... it's just terrible. but at least we are here to give some kind of support to each other. 

also, the driving test.. I took the bus until I turned 23. you know ... you'll do that whenever you are ready. the F with what people say.  you'll know when you're ready. 

I don't know you at all.. but from one human being to another your life is important , at 26 just ... it is what it is .. you know what I mean? you have time to figure out who you are , what you like or don't like . etc.

i ended up in relationships that weren't good for me. it's why I'm here. and I felt like I was never happy. that's not all it's cracked up to be either .

i think that bc of what we are going through people figure it out and it turns them away. or you get people who  don't have their own sh*t  together...  damaged seeks damaged.

there's nothing worse than getting dumped, seeing the person find happiness while you're over here fighting depression bc of it.  you don't need that on top of all that you're going through.

i think focusing on the GED and just getting day by day, posting.. is a good short term goal. 

...have you ever tried 7 cups? they have online chat one on one, it's free . 

 

Edited by ejc
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all this talk about girls and sex lol you are speaking from a place of ignorance...imagine u had never eaten pizza and dreamed about it, then one day you ate it and you were like wow that was tasty but its not really a big deal. I defo want to have pizza often or every now and then but its not changing my life in anyway...thats kinda what kissing/sex/gfs are like imo.

I have had cute/hot girls and i enjoyed kissing them (|though some bad kissers so not fun) but ive also just due to lack of energy/disinterest in socialising/motivation etc gone months/years without girls...even turned down fat or unnatractive girls.

Personally as for sex i dont really care for that much at all, i will be honest though i like kissing |(though im fussy who id kiss) which is ironic as i can buy a hot prositute/escort real cheap and have sex/oral etc the whole lot but no kissing easily.

On other hand i can go to a nightclub and get drunk girls to kiss with but nothing else..so funny.

In saying that though like anything it can get boring, i was out recently and made out with girl in club, she kept wanting to kiss me more and more all night but i had enough and eventually try to lose her.

Like the pizza its fun but you can only eat so much off it, its just another part of life...And i agree better to have pizza than never have it but if youve had it you might have indifferent opinions about it.

 

My point here is that one thing you should not get annoyed or hung up about is sex/girls....but then again maybe thats just me and im kinda asexual and very indpendent/aloof person.  When drunk I enjoy to make out hot girl, who wouldnt and even sober somewhat but i dont care to much. As for relationships having a gf was like ????? I dunno its just another human, they have issues, they poop, they even cheat etc...Apart from making out there seemed to be no purpose in relationship at all....though i got possible aspergers also so could explain it.

Edited by whatgoingon
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I would not even worry about the girlfriend stuff for now focus on getting your ged and a driving license then a good job then worry about the dating stuff after you have the career stuff sorted out.It will be very difficult to keep a womens interest if you don,t even have much to talk about,you don,t have the means to do alot of stuff I got my drivers license when i was 22 almost 23 because I would get nervous and mess thee parallel parking every time i took it.Focus on getting your drivers license and a car before thinking about the other stuff.

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On 4/18/2016 at 8:55 AM, whatgoingon said:

all this talk about girls and sex lol you are speaking from a place of ignorance...imagine u had never eaten pizza and dreamed about it, then one day you ate it and you were like wow that was tasty but its not really a big deal. I defo want to have pizza often or every now and then but its not changing my life in anyway...thats kinda what kissing/sex/gfs are like imo.

I have had cute/hot girls and i enjoyed kissing them (|though some bad kissers so not fun) but ive also just due to lack of energy/disinterest in socialising/motivation etc gone months/years without girls...even turned down fat or unnatractive girls.

Personally as for sex i dont really care for that much at all, i will be honest though i like kissing |(though im fussy who id kiss) which is ironic as i can buy a hot prositute/escort real cheap and have sex/oral etc the whole lot but no kissing easily.

On other hand i can go to a nightclub and get drunk girls to kiss with but nothing else..so funny.

In saying that though like anything it can get boring, i was out recently and made out with girl in club, she kept wanting to kiss me more and more all night but i had enough and eventually try to lose her.

Like the pizza its fun but you can only eat so much off it, its just another part of life...And i agree better to have pizza than never have it but if youve had it you might have indifferent opinions about it.

 

My point here is that one thing you should not get annoyed or hung up about is sex/girls....but then again maybe thats just me and im kinda asexual and very indpendent/aloof person.  When drunk I enjoy to make out hot girl, who wouldnt and even sober somewhat but i dont care to much. As for relationships having a gf was like ????? I dunno its just another human, they have issues, they poop, they even cheat etc...Apart from making out there seemed to be no purpose in relationship at all....though i got possible aspergers also so could explain it.

 

 

I was thinking the very same thing.  I'd rather a good kiss than a f.... LOL

It's overrated the whole "sex" thing.  Granted if you never had it, it's naturally going to cross your mind a lot and what not.

But once you do, you'll be on to the next thing.  We've been "sexualized" for years by the media and really it's not the be all end all of life.  Much like Whatgoinon said, don't get hung up on that, or try not to anyway.  The past week was okay for me in the physical sense, sex.  But after a couple of days, I thought to myself what's all this bullcrap hype about it?  Honestly.  Maybe it's depression or maybe for me it's just not fulfilling enough in the sense that on some other level I feel that there's more to "life".  Others "need" it and crave it, not me (and I don't say this with a pretentious condescending attitude in any way shape or form).  

As for driving, yeah it's convenient, but guess what, the cost of driving really gets you, insurance, gas, flat tire repair (last month for me), new tires this summer $1,000, oil change, etc, etc.

Try to force yourself to get out and do something, even if for 5 minutes. 

The negative talk "loser" stuff, clearly not helpful in any way to yourself, so try to cut that out.  I'd be a hypocrite and lying if I said I didn't do it.  That's a tough battle but accept that you have to battle it and there's no way around it.  Acknowledging it helps a bit more than not recognizing it.  

But really, the sex thing, overrated IMO.  I've had enough of it this week and I still feel the same as I did before it.  It'll happen, but don't knock yourself over it because it's not.

A friend of mine was a virgin until 33 and he could easily pass for a male model/playboy type guy, but his rationalization was, he didn't care for it after hearing all the stories of his older brothers growing up.  He just thought he'd enjoy and live his life and if/when it happened, it would happen.

 

As for your father, not sure how tight you guys are but if he's cool, have a talk with him. 

 

Out of curiosity, any interests at all?

-outdoor activities?

-paintball?

-RC cars (like a few friends of mine)

-guns? targets (hate hunting, love animals)

-cycling? (try getting on your bike, made me feel great for that one day lol)

-photography?

-stamp collecting errrrr yeah :)

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I think a good idea, and a lot of people are gonna disagree with this, is to go to a strip club and get some private dances.

You are not gonna have sex but what you will see and feel depending on club is naked women, get chance to be around hot women who should be somewhat freindly, and sometimes in these clubs they may grab your junk etc...You are not giving your virginity away to anyone or doing anything real physical but its a good way to get some sexual exp and lose some anxiety over women/sex IMO....

Though i may not chase sex often its funny cause i would play with boobs everyday haha...im like a child tbh..if love a hot women but not for sex just so i can touch her up he he maybe thats why i dont have a gf and i do have the brain of a 5 year old..

I was on holiday and there was brothel adn strip clubs..At brothel u could pay for sex for $30 for 30mins with playboy model types and at strip club you could get 5 min private dances with touching for $70 lol the irony.....and funny thing was i preffered just to get dances..my freind said i must be gay or virgin but reality is i dont enjoy or want to have sex really at all nor with hooker but i like to enjoy hot women and touch them up.

I then figured actually id be better just paying the hookers for a 30min private dance lol, work out much cheaper!

Edited by whatgoingon
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