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Feelin depressed :/

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hi all my dad died this morning suddenly, he had been poorly but nothing bad and was fine yesterday, but went to bed and was found this morning,

i feel really guilty as i moved out of home at 18 and am now 28 and have hardly seen him as i moved 60 miles away, so feel realy guilty about not being there more for him. my brother blames everything on me as he stayed home with dad.

i just feel soooooooooooo guilty about it and also feel like the worst child in history, my dad was only 48.

Just dont no wat to do anymore,



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First of all I am so sorry to hear about your dad. It is very hard to lose a loved one. You should not feel guilty. At 18 you are a grown man and you have not lived home for many years. Hopefully your dad passed knowing that you loved him although you did not see him often and lived far away. That's what happens with many families. Hopefully you have many good memories of your dad that you can try and hold on to ... those will never be erased.

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Dear Dontknowwat2doany... ,

I am so sorry!  I don't really know what to say. 

My father passed away a couple of years ago.  It was extremely difficult for me as I was not in a very good relationship with him.  My guilt was enormous.  A therapist helped to realize that my father, God rest His soul, had many unrealistic expectations of what I "should" be.  I could not "be" those things and I could not help him to realize that his expectations were what made him disappointed in me.  I don't know how to put it well in words.  Its like: He had an expectation that I should be the perfect or near perfect son.  I couldn't be that perfect person since perfection, even near perfection is impossible.  At the same time, I could not make him realize that his expectations were what was making him unhappy with me. 

Hopefully my father and yours are now  in a better place.   I neither blame my father nor myself now. 

I'm sure that since the day you were born, you brought millions of little sweet, kind, happy moments to your father.  Literally millions.  I don't know if he remembered those but I hope he is in a place now where he sees what a wonderful person you were.  Forgive me if I don't know what I'm talking about.  It is so difficult to know what to say to someone who has lost a parent.  My heart goes out to you and I hope and wish and pray for the very best for you and your father now.

Sincerely, Epictetus

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