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If not having children what future hold


whatgoingon

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I guess a lot of people here have many various types of psychological problems that could relate to impossibilities in raising or wanting children.

 

For me I cant see it happening at all. I dont get it. I look at my cousins kids and seemed like they were babies last year now they are like mini adults at 13-14 etc and when 16-18 i can imagine even more mature or immature depending on what they get up to lol..but that time was nothing then they are adults for the next 75% of their life. What was the purpose on him having the kids and making them? why even bother? U work hard to feed and house them then they grow up and do their own thing. None of his kids where planned anyway but he raised them well.

Thats 'normal' people or we say 'normal' what about those of us with mental health issues? why would we or should we have kids but if no kids what we gonna do next 60 years or so? just vege out and moan on internet then move into a nursing home then die, some life!

It seems after high school or uni life just dies imo...the fun goes away, all the silly things at school, lots of mates, fights, flirting, drinking, nights out, getting into trouble, sciving, acting cool/silly etc...its all gone that and that was what now seems only small part of our lives...so now what we do the next 70%, cant have those days.

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I totally disagree with the idea that life is over after school.  Now that I have graduated, I have never felt more free.  Although my life is not perfect, I am able to choose what I want to do.  School felt like prison for me. 

Life doesn't have to be just "moaning on the internet".  You need to write down some goals you would like to accomplish, & then work towards fulfilling them.  Try to bring something positive into the world.

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2 hours ago, Jules19 said:

I totally disagree with the idea that life is over after school.  Now that I have graduated, I have never felt more free.  Although my life is not perfect, I am able to choose what I want to do.  School felt like prison for me. 

Life doesn't have to be just "moaning on the internet".  You need to write down some goals you would like to accomplish, & then work towards fulfilling them.  Try to bring something positive into the world.

I agree with juels i have loads of things i want to do but lack the funds to do them,i want meet a decent women but don,t have barley enough money to leave my condo or get anything to eat i pretty eat rice tortillas macaroni and water.When I graduate and get money to do things I want I think I will be much happier. i want to go  practice mediation, work in the animal shelter again, join a tennis league,take piano classes, learn to paint,advance my career,start getting involved in politics,publish my book.I spend so much time being stressed in college my biology was so difficult for me to do because of my adhd,I work full time during most of my degree so me working 40 or even 50 hours a week with money to do things is like heaven to me.

@whatgoingonIm 25 and never even thought about ever having kids.i never was the party type though I went to 2 parties in my whole life and wasn't to crazy about them,I drank on own tried pan with my friends once and experimented with a psychedelic but that was enough for me not to be interested in that life style,what is fun about fighting lol Maybe your perspective in life will mature as you get older and you will start enjoying being one of those boring adults lol

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i guess when i was 19-20 i wanted to travel the world and paint pictures of animals etc...stuff like that can be at any age, so there are so many things one can do in life.

 

I think whats hit me off late is kinda thinning hair and moving on post college age. As when 19-20 i could still hang with mates and act silly and get drunk/party but still could do things such as painting anad compose music.

 

Time these days feels short though days go in hours and weeks go in days and months go in a week. So its like i cant enjoy much as time whizzes by. Hard to explain fully. But just get drunk and act silly would be dfun but then u become one of those guys, old drunk guy hitting on college girls at bar=loser

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On Wednesday, April 06, 2016 at 8:54 AM, whatgoingon said:

I guess a lot of people here have many various types of psychological problems that could relate to impossibilities in raising or wanting children.

 

For me I cant see it happening at all. I dont get it. I look at my cousins kids and seemed like they were babies last year now they are like mini adults at 13-14 etc and when 16-18 i can imagine even more mature or immature depending on what they get up to lol..but that time was nothing then they are adults for the next 75% of their life. What was the purpose on him having the kids and making them? why even bother? U work hard to feed and house them then they grow up and do their own thing. None of his kids where planned anyway but he raised them well.

Thats 'normal' people or we say 'normal' what about those of us with mental health issues? why would we or should we have kids but if no kids what we gonna do next 60 years or so? just vege out and moan on internet then move into a nursing home then die, some life!

It seems after high school or uni life just dies imo...the fun goes away, all the silly things at school, lots of mates, fights, flirting, drinking, nights out, getting into trouble, sciving, acting cool/silly etc...its all gone that and that was what now seems only small part of our lives...so now what we do the next 70%, cant have those days.

Peace. Quietness. Little stress. Missing out on that special love and bond. Seeing them grow and flourish. Joy/tears. Grandkids. It's your choice and therein lies the beauty of life. 

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11 hours ago, Jules19 said:

I totally disagree with the idea that life is over after school.  Now that I have graduated, I have never felt more free.  Although my life is not perfect, I am able to choose what I want to do.  School felt like prison for me. 

Life doesn't have to be just "moaning on the internet".  You need to write down some goals you would like to accomplish, & then work towards fulfilling them.  Try to bring something positive into the world.

I agree, never have I felt worse than during my school years, it got a little better at university and now I'm at my high point.

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9 hours ago, Mr Shadow said:

I agree, never have I felt worse than during my school years, it got a little better at university and now I'm at my high point.

Yes me to,i have all these things I want to do and im not stuck with people like in college or highschool and can do what I want,I will probaly have more free time now that im older then during my college years.I am never having kids!I like children but I want my freedom,i would go nuts if I got home after working and had a bunch of additional responsibilities.i get better with people in their mid 20s and 30s,because people are slowing down with the partying and immature behavior,I could never deal with when I was younger.Thinks that i use to be looked at for being a loser when I was younger being well read not being obnoxious not judging others,being responsible thinking about my future etc Now makes me cool lol

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that's how I was, I laughed at people who had mods, what anchors ! I tonight. then at 32 it started to change. not an urge to want to have kids but societal norms, expectations all around you. and yes, after you've done your ' I want to define who I am' sage / 20s you start thinking ..well maybe that's what I do want. you want to see a part of yourself continue because you are getting older. things in life start becoming important.

sadly though, at least for a woman, you start to feel the time crunch. with my depression and crap relationships , and recent want to have kids... I've come to the realization that it isn't going to happen for me. 

and soceity reminds you every day that you shouldn't be happy as a result. you either get the sad nod from other women bc they had kids and you didn't or you're reminded on tv and everywhere else that you're missing something huge. :/ 

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High school and college were not that great for me.  I was still struggling with depression and anxiety.  I tried to make friends and failed miserably.  Now I am 33, still never been on a date.  Having someone that loves me and maybe having a family seems like an impossible pipe dream.  I still have 40 or so miserable lonely days ahead of me, and nothing really to look forward to.  By the time I fix my problems and come out of my depression, I will be too old to have a life.  

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i guess as you are women but as guy and getting older i dont get the dating/family thing.  Dont get me wrong i enjoy some sex acts but the whole datin gthing just never grabbed me.  As said i prefer the hanging with mates stuff.

So if im 15-20 im hanging with my bros doing guy things, playing video games, playing sports, getting drunk etc...but sadly late 20s its like that life vanishes...as guys just fade away and then some go with women etc...but as said sitting in house with women is as dead or worse than sitting in house alone....i still long for hanging with guys,,.,not in a homo way lol..

 

this is my major point here.

 

One thing i miss so much is playing football!!! would play football every day, my life revolved around it. Now i never play football, it was what i always looked forward to. Sure i could date and sit in house with a women but its not what i want its what society is making me do as with age male mates fade away and all that is left is being alone...not like i can start hanging out with some new 19-21 year old single guys can i.

Edited by whatgoingon
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Sometimes when I'm not depressed and full of anxiety, I realize...I can be my own best friend. Sure it would be great to have friends but I can't tell you since I turned 40 how much I can't stand to be around other males. If you have a true friend, someone who will be there for you , you are blessed. But that whole hang around a bunch of bro's and get drunk is painfully boring to me these days.

Depression happens to people with and without kids. To view the world as grim so why bring kids into the world is a subjective value/perception that certainly will trigger depression. But as difficult challenge as it is that view can be changed.

 

 

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yeh thats the point thats why we rarely hang out as it is boring now, a lot of them are fat and overweight and moan about job, life, money or other things etc.or talk serious life issues, addictions, women problems and so on...so its happenign to us all so we drift away.

 

point is when we were 18-22 etc when we hung out it was just silly fun, now it cant be like that, so i cant hang out with teens and not gonna hang out with adults so im ***ed

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On Wednesday, April 06, 2016 at 8:54 AM, whatgoingon said:

I guess a lot of people here have many various types of psychological problems that could relate to impossibilities in raising or wanting children.

 

For me I cant see it happening at all. I dont get it. I look at my cousins kids and seemed like they were babies last year now they are like mini adults at 13-14 etc and when 16-18 i can imagine even more mature or immature depending on what they get up to lol..but that time was nothing then they are adults for the next 75% of their life. What was the purpose on him having the kids and making them? why even bother? U work hard to feed and house them then they grow up and do their own thing. None of his kids where planned anyway but he raised them well.

Thats 'normal' people or we say 'normal' what about those of us with mental health issues? why would we or should we have kids but if no kids what we gonna do next 60 years or so? just vege out and moan on internet then move into a nursing home then die, some life!

It seems after high school or uni life just dies imo...the fun goes away, all the silly things at school, lots of mates, fights, flirting, drinking, nights out, getting into trouble, sciving, acting cool/silly etc...its all gone that and that was what now seems only small part of our lives...so now what we do the next 70%, cant have those days.

Children are supposed to bring joy to your life and as kids they can but there many variables to this. But one thing a parent should not and can not be a child's "best friend ". Yes you must be friendly with your children but not a friend; friends are people from outside the family. So many parents try or want to be their friend that they forget to be a parent. 

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8 hours ago, tami83 said:

High school and college were not that great for me.  I was still struggling with depression and anxiety.  I tried to make friends and failed miserably.  Now I am 33, still never been on a date.  Having someone that loves me and maybe having a family seems like an impossible pipe dream.  I still have 40 or so miserable lonely days ahead of me, and nothing really to look forward to.  By the time I fix my problems and come out of my depression, I will be too old to have a life.  

tami, I know how u feel. I have the same outlook, I'm turning 34 this year. it's totally messed up. we don't ask for much. just the right person, why is that so difficult? 

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