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Should I give up on finding someone?


mark88

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For the past year, ive been dating. At 27 I started pretty late. Only met a few guys, 2 of which I saw for a while and one ended up with me getting my heart pretty broke. 
The problem is, I think its being gay...the gay world, a lot of guys do often just want sex, and the ones that want something real? You can't find them. Gay bars or dating apps, it full of the one who would rather just have hook-ups, and even dating sites are pretty dead.
A few guys I have dated became a little vulgar as the date when on which made me pretty uncomfortable.

Its making my depression worse, all I want is someone to love, and someone to love me. It might sound sad, but I just want a hug, thats it. 

Time can go so slow, but also so fast, im worried ill get old alone. 

Edited by mark88
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12 hours ago, mark88 said:

For the past year, ive been dating. At 27 I started pretty late. Only met a few guys, 2 of which I saw for a while and one ended up with me getting my heart pretty broke. 
The problem is, I think its being gay...the gay world, a lot of guys do often just want sex, and the ones that want something real? You can't find them. Gay bars or dating apps, it full of the one who would rather just have hook-ups, and even dating sites are pretty dead.
A few guys I have dated became a little vulgar as the date when on which made me pretty uncomfortable.

Its making my depression worse, all I want is someone to love, and someone to love me. It might sound sad, but I just want a hug, thats it. 

Time can go so slow, but also so fast, im worried ill get old alone. 

it's so hard when you wear your heart on your sleeve. it seems so easy, just find someone who you love and loves you back. everyone searches for it but we end up with these people that say they want that and then crap gets in the way (emotional issues, immaturity, life, Etc)

at 27 you still have time to explore what you want in a person. I can tell you that there is a small window when most people start wanting serious things I would think 29-32 . after that you'll get what's leftover from the dating pool, and it isn't pretty , me included  

at 34, it was rare to find a person who didn't already have kids and had issues with the ex, had addictions , never matured and are stuck wanting to relive the high school or college party equivalent days. most are not willing to change either. I found 1 guy but he had issues and I had issues and it exploded. 

either way, whoever it is.. it sucks when you just want to be in a relationship and just... be happy. 

have you ever considered dating older guys? I'm not sure what the answer is. sometimes I wonder if it's location as well. if you're in a big city then there's a better chance of finding someone great vs.  a small town where all you see is the same 15 persons in the dating app. 

i know people say take a break.. I was told that today. I'm recently broken hearted.. but at the same time you have this urge to be loved and to love. 

I'm so sorry you're feeling depressed. I say at least for now keep posting your feelings here . there are a lot of great supportive people that will lend an ear and not get annoyed or mad bc you feel this way. 

**hugs** 

 

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Don't give up . Life is long and full of unexpected surprises. Its tough being single sometimes but I think its better than being in an unhappy codependent unhealthy relationship. Maybe identify very clearly on your dating profiles what kind of relationship U are seeking - long term/exclusive etc and don't bother replying to anyone looking for anything less serious....;)

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Hi Mark88 :)

***Hugs***

I don't think it matters about gay or straight but rather it's just how guys typically are lol. 

Dating sites and apps yeah you're pretty much going to find people that want to hook up. Bars it's probably going to be much of the same, people looking to meet someone and hook up.

Not saying you can't find anyone you connect with via dating sites or apps but with those things realize most people will be looking for just hook ups.

What are your interests or hobbies? Your best bet is to meet people at places where you're likely to share common interests and personality traits. Meetup dot com would probably be a good place to check out.

I just made a post regarding loneliness and being single so I think you should check it out. I am certain it will help you feel much better :)

 

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@durandalblue I personally don't feel that trying to meet potential dates through hobbies is such a good idea, it works for some, but those people generally don't have trouble finding dates already. I went through phase of joining various activities and events and I haven't made a single friend doing that for 5 years, not until I joined dating sites that I started getting dates, there you at least know that people there are looking for a relationship, which is usually not the case in random meetups.

Edited by Mr Shadow
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Hi MrShadow :)

I suggested that to him because he said he wasn't having luck with the bar scene or dating sites so it's a different approach. 

I'm not quite sure what you mean about those people generally not having trouble finding dates already. If you talk to enough people you'll eventually find someone that is single and more likely to have things in common with you if you're at an event or activity you both like. If you sit in front of a computer or phone too much trying to meet people that way you'll miss out on actual social experience and interaction. 

There are people on the dating sites looking for a relationship but there's also a lot just looking for a hookup, that's especially more true with guys. It's not unheard of for guys saying they want a relationship but actually just wanting to get laid. 

And if you do meet someone and you hit it off, what are you guys gonna do? You would be partaking in activities and hobbies, preferably ones that you both have in common...or sitting around watching netflix all the time lol.

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@durandalblue  You would first need to be good at making friends or talking to people, to find someone in random meetups, if you're introverted like me f.e. the timeframe "eventually" could take your entire life. It is much easier, for me at least, when you quickly skip through casual talk and hobbie stuff online and go straight to checking whether or not you're compatible at the meeting. When you're talking to people in random events you have no idea whether they are single or not, or if they even like you.

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