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Things people say


JaLee

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I know people don't understand depression/anxiety/mental issues etc. I know it has to be hard to be around someone with problems that to a "normal" person would be easily brushed aside. But, in one day I was told I get anxious and sick because I "psych myself out" by 2 different people, one of which was my husband. It hurt. He apologized later and said he didn't mean it the way it came out, but that he doesn't understand why I think about things if they bother me so much, why don't I just think other things. I wanted to first smack him in the back of the head and second smack him again for good measure. I can't get through to him and get him to understand it is not as easy as thinking happy thoughts and all will be well, sigh.

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I'm sorry, jalee.  :hugs: It's frustrating when people think our illness is as 'simple' as just thinking something different. People never seem to realize the impossibility of what they're expecting is so easy, because they've probably never tried it themselves. They're just parroting what they've heard others say.  :hugs:

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i find most people in life give extremely bad obvious advice,I don,t know who has ever been helped by being told to think positive,go for a walk mediate follow your hobbies this is some of the most obvious advice and not all of it works that well,i don,t even feel like talking to people about how I feel because its pretty much pointless to tell them how you feel most of the time,I think most of the time they generally don,t give a ****,or they think life is like easy and like a disney movie or they just want you to shut up.A lot of people don,t care about seeing from someone else view or they don,t know how,they think everybody responds to life in the same way.To me alot of the advice i get sounds like something you could read off a fortune cookie it doesn,t really mean much its very rare i see people giving out advice showing they considered some as a individual and didn,t just assume that because the advice works for them it will work for everyone else to.

i think some people just will never get and can,t emphasize with others all that well.i feel like slapping people upside the head to, but I just remind myself there not doing it on purpose there just ignorant of how other people can think or feel differently then they do.i think people shouldn't,t say anything unless they actually put effort into the advice there giving,giving bad advice is some times worse then giving no advice.

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Telling someone to think positive always make me grit my teeth, but going for walks or meditating, those can help to a point, so I wouldn't say it's bad advice.

One thing depression...for me at least, that it thrives off of, is isolation. As isolation makes you think too much and the dwelling phase kicks in. So one should tell the person to try not to isolate themselves. This however can be perceived as bad advice if the person doesn't have friends or family, or ANYONE that cares to have them around.

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JaLee, I sympathize with the frustration you feel with your husband and friends who don't understand.  I have lost many friendships because of my depression.  Mostly because they don't understand my being down as that is not how they usually have known me.  Some of them have spoken harshly about it as well which hurt me.  As the result I tend to be very cautious these days.  Unfortunately I have been spending more time around the house, I guess called isolating, not only for depression but for some physical problems I am dealing with which can limit my mobility.  

I think like the others said, we can't really blame people for not getting what living with depression is all about.  I think that is why depression has such a large stigma attached to it.  I hope your husband maybe will do a little reading about depression, or meet you half way.  I really understand what you are going through.  More than you know!   

Wishing you my best, and let us know how things go!

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My husband tried to understand first (when things went really low for me) when he thought it was just about the dark season (that I was just having Seasonal Affective Disorder). But when it just goes on, and my thoughts don't change, just got worse.. it's just 'get over it', 'what's the matter with you', 'you should just know..', 'why should I suffer if you have issues', 'now you are affecting others, just stop it'... and never apologized for any of that, just keeps going on with it, making things just worse (and since for the most part, if not all, it has a lot to do with him anyway).

@JaLee , to me it seems that your husband is at least trying to understand, he apologized to you. It may take a while for him to grasp what you're going through if he never experienced it. I hope you can openly talk about it and perhaps help him understand what you're going through.

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No one can understand what a depressed person is going through because each inner landscape is unique. The safety precautions when we are dwelling in our inner dark place are NOT unique.

Don't go too deep. Try to stay out of the bottomless pits.

A little bit of light goes a long way in a dark place.

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22 hours ago, JaLee said:

I know people don't understand depression/anxiety/mental issues etc. I know it has to be hard to be around someone with problems that to a "normal" person would be easily brushed aside. But, in one day I was told I get anxious and sick because I "psych myself out" by 2 different people, one of which was my husband. It hurt. He apologized later and said he didn't mean it the way it came out, but that he doesn't understand why I think about things if they bother me so much, why don't I just think other things. I wanted to first smack him in the back of the head and second smack him again for good measure. I can't get through to him and get him to understand it is not as easy as thinking happy thoughts and all will be well, sigh.

Thank you for sharing...I can relate. It always upsets me when other people place blame, or say insensitive comments. I have to remind myself they just don't get it.

But, that doesn't make it any easier for people that suffer with depression/anxiety. 

I have explained to certain people that the reason thoughts repeat(and I can't jut not think about them) is how anxiety&depression works...unfortunately. "normal" people get a bad thought, and it's gone within a moment. For us, it becomes a repetitive thought, messing with our mind.

The things that help distract me(sometimes) and help a little...

*This forum(great support)

*listening to music

*writing/drawing/painting

*Mindfulness

*being outside/going for a walk

Thanks again for sharing, you are not alone in your experience/and struggles

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Yes, I've been told to "just take a deep breath" when having a panic attack. At that moment, I wish that I could transfer all of my panic/anxiety to that person and let THEM take a deep breath and deal with it. They're losers, and they don't understand. And these were nurses in a hospital.

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On ‎3‎/‎17‎/‎2016 at 11:19 AM, JaLee said:

I know people don't understand depression/anxiety/mental issues etc. I know it has to be hard to be around someone with problems that to a "normal" person would be easily brushed aside. But, in one day I was told I get anxious and sick because I "psych myself out" by 2 different people, one of which was my husband. It hurt. He apologized later and said he didn't mean it the way it came out, but that he doesn't understand why I think about things if they bother me so much, why don't I just think other things. I wanted to first smack him in the back of the head and second smack him again for good measure. I can't get through to him and get him to understand it is not as easy as thinking happy thoughts and all will be well, sigh.

Its like anything else in life those who live it (depression) and those who don't. Again you don't walk it off!

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Maybe instead of "just think of something else" try imagining, pretending and make-believing something else.

Sounds like the "torture" might be happening in your (metaphorical) dungeon. There is  a metaphorical staircase leading up and out. The metaphorical door can be slammed shut and metaphorically locked and bolted.

Is the dungeon in charge of you or the other way around?

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35 minutes ago, Oscar K said:

Maybe instead of "just think of something else" try imagining, pretending and make-believing something else.

Sounds like the "torture" might be happening in your (metaphorical) dungeon. There is  a metaphorical staircase leading up and out. The metaphorical door can be slammed shut and metaphorically locked and bolted.

Is the dungeon in charge of you or the other way around?

That's a cool idea! Very creative ☺

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