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I need help with a crush


duck

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I need help with a crush I have on a lady.  For the purpose of this thread I will refer to her as Nancy.

I am constantly thinking about Nancy. I cannot get her out of mind.   My therapist says I am like a pit bull when i grab on to a thought I never let go.  Last year I was angry with the people at my work place so I was thinking about them all day and night.

How can I get this lady Nancy out of my mind?  My friends recommended Ativan so I took one a few hours ago.  I am not sure if it is helping. Too early to tell. 

Another therapist says I have OCD that's why this is happening.  I am trying everything.  I keep busy all day.  I meet new people and make new friends almost every day but I cannot get Nancy out of my mind.  I am ashamed of myself.

I have depression, anxiety, and OCD. This is no way to live.

Please help.  Thank you. 

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   Mr. Duck,

    You and I have been friends a long time. About the easiest, practical best way to get her out of your mind is simply ask her out. You know I attempt to shoot it straight from the hip. Has this crush given you a reason to think about them? Maybe this person is old fashioned and want you to do the asking. Of course you could always use the secret admirer approach. It really doesn't have to be anything too great of a courtship or expensive.

    Trust me when I say, women or most women, would rather see the details in the planning, not so much with how much it costs. You could always leave little trinkets sitting around work with their name on it as a present or letting them know you're still thinking about them. For all you know, after a while of being anonymous, this person may have fallen for you and then what?

    Get yourself and house in order brother. You may have a sleep-over sometime in the near future. I wish you well and always feel cared for my friend. Some may find it corny, but oh well, but I love you brother. Keep your head up. Together we can win.

                                                                                                    Sincerely,

                                                                                                    Curtis

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Duck, Try registering for Match.com, just tell a little about yourself, no big deal.  Match will send you 11 good female matches per day that have common interests with you.  Just read their profiles as though meeting a new friend, just meeting for coffee.  Whether you ever contact any of them or not, it will help your mind see Nancy as just another interesting woman.  Probably make you better at understanding women, which will help you if you still find Nancy particularly interesting after a month of new matches.

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My apologies.  I forgot to mention she has a guy in her life and she gave birth to a baby girl recently.

I am so ashamed of my self.  

Thanks guys for your support.

Edited by duck
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On 3/7/2016 at 2:48 PM, duck said:

 

My apologies.  I forgot to mention she has a guy in her life and she gave birth to a baby girl recently.

I am so ashamed of my self.  

Thanks guys for your support.

Nothing to be ashamed of. A woman is a woman. Even with someone and/or having a child, she is still attractive in the eyes of any man. You will have to let go though, get it in your mind that there is no future with her. If you hold on, your life will seem like it is put on hold until "further notice" meanwhile time..and thousands of would-be lovers will pass you by. This is a mental trap you don't want to go down, I've been there.

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  • 1 month later...

you shouldn't be ashamed. sometimes these things are real crushes for a person sometimes it's bc they embody everything that you want for yourself and it can be the idea of happiness that adds to the "obsessiveness" .

the emotional anguish of someone not wanting you back (if that is the case) is the worst pain. even more so when you see them happy with someone else. it rips your soul and then life stomps on what's left of your soul. been there several times, currently there :console:

i tried Ativan  and all it did was make me sleepy. I did try Xanax but it's also highly addicting . but man, does it calm you down so much that you feel as close to normal as you can get, but it's temporary relief.

though if you got Ativan could you ask your doctor for Xanax in that one rare instance when it's either your sanity or your freedom ? 

Edited by ejc
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Find another women that grabs your attention.Or just avoid her if you think about her so much,thats what I would do,or you can act on it i don,t recommend that but i have asked out girls with boyfriends and flirted with them.I figure its not my fault because im single.I guess its different if they have kids and or a husband though but Yolo ,thats my attitude because I can,t stand being single.

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Howdy Mr. Duck,

      I'm not going to start with anything like I'm sorry because I don't want to push that kind of negative karma towards you. Being apologetic isn't sending you positive energy. So... Have you thought about it in a way as maybe it's just infatuation? You could call it the same thing as a crush but it's really not. I would like to point out that maybe your physical and spiritual being may be feeling a lot better because your body when you think of her is producing all sorts of hormones. If you sit and think about it, you know you feel light on your feet, happy go lucky when you think of her.

     Have you tried to find things to do like being artistic? Maybe you could write in a diary or journal. Um, maybe you can spend a lot of time in the chat room and we can talk until you fall asleep at the pc. I'm trying to help you brother. Here's another video for you to watch about emotions and there effect. I think you'll find it usefull and even encouraging. Hang in there friend, we're all here for you.

 

                                                                                                                                                             Sincerely,

                                                                                                                                                             Curtis

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Does exercise work for you? I mean, some people can just go out for a run or go workout at a gym and just feel so much better. Exercise or walking never worked for me, to make me feel better because what I was doing was walking and ruminating about whatever was making me upset and sometimes after exercise, I would be more upset than when I started! But recently, I have been doing an exercise program that incorporates mindfulness so I would say that 80% of my walks now do make me feel much better. So Duck, if you think that exercise might help you with you thoughts, just make sure you don't  use exercise as a time to "think about your day or your problems, or Nancy because for some people like me, it can lead to exercise that becomes more upsetting rather than helpful. 

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On 5/11/2016 at 6:49 PM, InfinateandDistant said:

Howdy Mr. Duck,

      I'm not going to start with anything like I'm sorry because I don't want to push that kind of negative karma towards you. Being apologetic isn't sending you positive energy. So... Have you thought about it in a way as maybe it's just infatuation? You could call it the same thing as a crush but it's really not. I would like to point out that maybe your physical and spiritual being may be feeling a lot better because your body when you think of her is producing all sorts of hormones. If you sit and think about it, you know you feel light on your feet, happy go lucky when you think of her.

     Have you tried to find things to do like being artistic? Maybe you could write in a diary or journal. Um, maybe you can spend a lot of time in the chat room and we can talk until you fall asleep at the pc. I'm trying to help you brother. Here's another video for you to watch about emotions and there effect. I think you'll find it usefull and even encouraging. Hang in there friend, we're all here for you.

 

                                                                                                                                                             Sincerely,

                                                                                                                                                             Curtis

Thank you Curtis,  that was great advice.  I will try art and writing in a journal.  That should help.  

Thanks Brother.

 

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On 5/11/2016 at 7:14 PM, melplus said:

Does exercise work for you? I mean, some people can just go out for a run or go workout at a gym and just feel so much better. Exercise or walking never worked for me, to make me feel better because what I was doing was walking and ruminating about whatever was making me upset and sometimes after exercise, I would be more upset than when I started! But recently, I have been doing an exercise program that incorporates mindfulness so I would say that 80% of my walks now do make me feel much better. So Duck, if you think that exercise might help you with you thoughts, just make sure you don't  use exercise as a time to "think about your day or your problems, or Nancy because for some people like me, it can lead to exercise that becomes more upsetting rather than helpful. 

@melplus  Good points.  Yea exercise does not work for me but I should incorporate mindfulness with walking too and that should help. Thank you. 

Mindfulness is the way to go and it would help me throughout life.  I need to get good at it.  

Edited by duck
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Sorry, Duck, to answer your question with a question but if you could get all the meaningful help in the universe, and it was guaranteed to help, would you still want it? If Nancy requited this thing of yours, that is?

 

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1 minute ago, Gisele said:

Sorry, Duck, to answer your question with a question but if you could get all the meaningful help in the universe, and it was guaranteed to help, would you still want it? If Nancy requited this thing of yours, that is?

 

@Gisele  Hi I need all the help in the world.  I am not sure if I understand your question correctly.   I care about Nancy deeply if that's what you mean? We worked together and then one day she told me she was leaving for a better job and she left. On her last day she was really sad when she saw me. She was almost crying but I did not ask her out.  Five years later I forgot about her and she saw me and came over to chat with me.  I did not recognize her at first anyways she was very friendly as usual.  Now I cannot forget about her. 

 

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Duck, I personally think that was a sign or something. That's the first time you said anything about how it all went down I believe. Brother, take it from me, you have to do something, contact her, email her or call her, something. The 2 of you meeting 5 years later just didn't happen by happenstance. Anytime something positive 'just happens', you have to hang on to it no matter what. You call what I'm feeling as intuition or even false prophecy. Brother do you really think that I'd mislead you. All things in life happen for a reason. Take care brother, love ya man!

                                                                                                                  Curtis

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15 hours ago, InfinateandDistant said:

Duck, I personally think that was a sign or something. That's the first time you said anything about how it all went down I believe. Brother, take it from me, you have to do something, contact her, email her or call her, something. The 2 of you meeting 5 years later just didn't happen by happenstance. Anytime something positive 'just happens', you have to hang on to it no matter what. You call what I'm feeling as intuition or even false prophecy. Brother do you really think that I'd mislead you. All things in life happen for a reason. Take care brother, love ya man!

                                                                                                                  Curtis

Thanks Curtis,    it was exactly five years like the same month and possibly even the same day.

She has a guy and a new baby in her life now so I am not sure if contacting her would be a good thing.  I will think about it.   

Good advice Curtis.  Thank you.

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Brother, I never said to get her to have an affair. Let your spirit or third eye lead you. That's why you're having such a hard time to get her out of your mind. Your third eye is telling you to do it. There's something your body or spirit is telling you to do and you'll have to or your spirit will make you pay eventually. Do it man. You have to. No matter, love ya just the same my friend.

                                                                                            Curtis

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Thank you Curtis.  You are a great friend.

BTW I will away from May 17 to June 2.  I am going on a short vacation and I may not have internet there.  I will post when I can.

Love ya Bro.

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Same to you my friend. I'm sending you the positivity and good vibes. I know you'll enjoy getting away from everyday life for a while. My wife and I will be celebrating our anniversary on the 17th. I'm glad your going but I want you to know you will be missed. I'm wishing you well and be safe going and returning. I'll be sitting back and reading the mail until your return. We had a real nice cookout tonight with a campfire and all. I cooked pork chops on an open flame. Wow, what a difference a flame makes on a hunk of meat, especially from wood. I'll see you when you get back. Maybe I can talk you into downloading Skype and we could video chat if you're alright with it. I think it'd be awesome. Something to think about.

                                                                      Sincerely,

                                                                      Curtis

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