Jump to content
Donate Now Read more... ×
Sign in to follow this  
BlueWeepingRose

My sexuality: Being fully open about it

Recommended Posts

All my life I knew I liked girls, when I was eight years old I came very close to kissing my best friend. However I stopped myself cause I knew if I kissed her that her mother would probably be upset at me and that I'd lose such a wonderful friend. However I wanted to kiss her very badly. Seriously thought that something was wrong with me and I punished myself for having those feelings when I was younger. When I was little I played with a lot of girl toys, however I loved a lot of the boy toys too. I was a Tom boy when I was little and I loved being around boys growing up. They were so much fun to hang out, however I had a lot of girls as friends too. If I cried around my friends, they made me feel better or did anything to get me to laugh. When I got older I noticed how I still continued to like girls and I thought a lot about them. Than I starting thinking that I only liked girls and felt so confused. Than one day I was around one of my guy friends and I felt very attracted towards him. As of right now I still continue to think both sex's are attractive. So many people tell me to either be straight or a lesbian, however I can't help but feel attracted to both sex's. There's times where I feel like I wish I was a man, but I'll never get a sex change cause I'm happy with the sex that I am. I just feel like I'm a guy sometimes and it's so confusing for me. I'm really laid back, chill, funny, I help my friends out and give good advice. However there's times where I need help myself. Love making people laugh, doing funny things, playing video games and I love hanging out with guys as friends. I do cause I feel like I fit in with them. I've dated many men in my past and when I did they made me feel like a beautiful woman, however I have this fun loving personality and I feel like it might not attract some men due to the fact I'm a tom boy. There's times where I like wearing dresses and dressing up and putting on make-up and than there's other times where I love wearing comfy clothing and not even putting any make-up on. Just a normal t-shirt and jeans and just relax, watch a movie or anime and laugh. Someone told me it's possible you may have a personality disorder but I don't think so. I've been like this ever since I was little. For as long as I can remember my personality has always been like this, it has never changed at all. My mother even notices my clothing choices and says to me, "That's boyish clothing. Pick out something more nicer." or she says "That color is too dark on you, wear something else." i'm completely comfortable with my sexuality and how I dress. I hate when people try to change me and tell me what to wear. I'm an adult after all. Not sure what my sexuality is as of right now and I'm honestly not worried about it anymore. I just know I'm attracted to both sexes and how I'm tom boyish. I've dated a woman before, however it didn't work out due to the fact she wasn't over her ex girlfriend yet so we broke up. I honestly didn't think it was fair to me to be honest. I deserve someone who loves me and isn't going to use me as a rebound. I never spoke of this until now and I know nobody is going to judge me here based on my sexuality. At least I hope not. Thank you for listening to me and feel free to post a response if you relate to this in any way. I don't want to change my name, however I'd love to add a 2nd name along with my first name. My middle name would still be included, I just want to add a name that can be used as both sexes. I think I'll feel happier and complete once this is done. Don't plan on ever changing my sex ever cause I do love being a woman. I would like a 2nd name though attached with my first name. Just now sure what it'll be yet. Again thank you for listening. :upside:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Bravo about being fully open about your sexuality.  You are an amazing, complex,, wonderful human being who deserves to be respected and loved just as you are in all your uniqueness and complexity!  It is a privilege to know you!!!     - epictetus

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sexuality, anatomy, and gender are complicated and developing. The most important thing here is that you continue to nurture a healthy head space. Personally, I believe that labels are pointless. I don't subscribe to them. Yes, I'm gay and I acknowledge that I like men - but I wouldn't say that I'm exclusively gay. Who knows? Maybe one day a woman would come along and she could be the love of my life. It's unlikely, but not impossible. It's difficult seeking understanding with yourself and building that relationship with yourself is never ending. I'm not the same person I was 5 years ago. I'm constantly growing as a person and always gaining better insights into myself. You are a person, a collection of thoughts and ideas and insights and all things that make you unique to yourself. Keeping building that relationship with yourself and keep acknowledging those insights. You are beautiful and amazing and wonderful. Don't let anybody tell you different.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi BlueWeepingRose,

You are very much not alone, and I can relate to much of what you're saying. I'm bisexual, and while I identify only as female, I feel completely at home in jeans, a tank top, and using a drill AND wearing a dress, heels (not too high- I'm clumsy!), makeup, and cooking dinner. Even someone with a more consistent wardrobe or preference will vary in their appearance and how they feel about others, emotionally and sexually. Perhaps some of us just have endpoints further out on both sides of the spectrum.

I'd like to suggest that you identify first and foremost as a human being, with the same emotions and struggles as any other human being. The rest is fluff. Seriously, it's all fluff. You come across as creative, adventurous, and open-minded- nurture those qualities! Wear whatever the bl**dy heck you what, whenever you want. Give yourself permission to do so, even if others, your mom, don't agree or have their own opinions. If you find hearing those opinions is weighing you down, speak up. Be assertive. You have that right. :-)

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank-you for sharing this.  I know there is a lot of judgment out there about homosexuality especially from the Christian perspective.  While I don't have all the right answers the best I think can come up with is we should stand guard and protect those people who are being persecuted first and foremost.  Again, thank-you for sharing as it helps to understand and see from another perspective.  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

×