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sober4life

I have bipolar disorder

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Every day I feel like superman or in the trash man.  Some days I feel like I can do anything.  Other days I can't get out of bed.  I hate it.  When I'm manic I drink and eat everything in the house and rant and rave about things until I tire out and want to sleep for days.  Then I take the meds that make me feel emotionless or numb.  What's worse?

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They are both worse! I am banking that I can find a medicine combo that keeps me out of the trash and out of the sky. I've heard it takes awhile. Hard to be patient. That's where this forum helps. Thanks for a good post!

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BPD medications, for the most part, just shave off the peak, not catching you when you fall.  

You know, all I can really say is that give me ****ing freedom to be the real me, who loves people generously at 2:30am, 10% of the time, versus being a socially acceptable robot any day.

And give me a half destroyed friend, like Sober or Cjay, with all her/his flaws, beat to a pulp by life, but 100% genuine, over a computer generated virtual friend any day.

**** you, Conformity.  I'm no longer apologizing for who I am, which is full of rather spectacular kindness and internal music, some of the time, albeit motionless and nearly worthless smoldering ashes, the other times.

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I'll be honest.  The low depressed moments are hell.  The high moments are who I want to be.  Those are the moments when I lose a hundred pounds.  I feel like forrest gump to be honest.  When he ran across the world.  That's how I feel when I'm manic.  When I'm depressed I'lm done.

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