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No one believes me


Icarus21

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My issue is no one really believes me. It is in my head, I'm overreacting, or too sensitive and emotional. Even if I were these things, it is still my reality. My issues keep getting brushed under the rug and minimized. I am constantly invalidated. I say I'm a survivor of child abuse and no one bats an eye. It is like that isn't a thing to be upset over. I just have people preaching at me with quick fixes. I think it is easier to put a band-aid on something then actually treat it. I been through treatment. At this point in my life I feel let down. People who were supposed to care for me let me down and tell me I'm just making a huge deal out of everything. I just want someone to believe me. A lot of the stuff that happens to me are more covert so I can't really prove any of it or tell someone. I'm tired of the pills, the constant coping practices, the lectures, the platitudes, the hopeful promises that never came, and me trying to get past it only to be back at square one. Most of all I'm tired of it all being on me. No one ever says sorry or looks at anything in my perspective. I hate being accountable over things I have no control over. II personal feel like there were a ton of victim blaming in my experience withing the mental health industry and from "loved ones"." This all makes me feel bitter and indifferent towards everyone. I really hate feeling this way. 

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Adult healthy-looking males don't get much sympathy for depression, just trite advice, dismissal, or contempt.  Most don't believe it's real or else think it's just weakness or complaining.

Depression is a deadly but invisible illness.  Feeling down sometimes isn't depression.  Severe depression is being under constant assault in your mind and body.  If someone doesn't experience it themselves (and most do not), they will never understand it.

So you suffer alone with no sympathy from others, which makes things 1000 times worse.  This is the hell of depression.  We either just endure it or end our pain in extreme fashion.

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53 minutes ago, Icarus21 said:

The man My issue is no one really believes me. It is in my head, I'm overreacting, or too sensitive and emotional. Even if I were these things, it is still my reality. My issues keep getting brushed under the rug and minimized. I am constantly invalidated. I say I'm a survivor of child abuse and no one bats an eye. It is like that isn't a thing to be upset over. I just have people preaching at me with quick fixes. I think it is easier to put a band-aid on something then actually treat it. I been through treatment. At this point in my life I feel let down. People who were supposed to care for me let me down and tell me I'm just making a huge deal out of everything. I just want someone to believe me. A lot of the stuff that happens to me are more covert so I can't really prove any of it or tell someone. I'm tired of the pills, the constant coping practices, the lectures, the platitudes, the hopeful promises that never came, and me trying to get past it only to be back at square one. Most of all I'm tired of it all being on me. No one ever says sorry or looks at anything in my perspective. I hate being accountable over things I have no control over. II personal feel like there were a ton of victim blaming in my experience withing the mental health industry and from "loved ones"." This all makes me feel bitter and indifferent towards everyone. I really hate feeling this way. 

The man who says to the man whos in the mud -"why don't you get outta the mud" has never been in that mud thus he doesn't understand. Life isn't easy for the most well adjusted among us and even harder for those of us  who have  depression. Each day is a grind to get thru to another day without blowing your brains out cause theres no one you can depend on and theres no one to talk to. Others just walk on by with the attitude "better you then me" and discard you like you where Sh!t on  their shoes. I keep telling myself that theres hope for me someday. But the reality is that I will die alone, I hope for you that never happens and you get the help and understanding you deserve.

Edited by My empire of dirt
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people blame when they don't understand. Im in your shoes too. my "support" disappeared when I didn't miraculously get cured with therapy and pills. ive been told im "doing this for attention" and "not trying" that its "all in my head" and "I have nothing to be depressed about". its just a matter of ignorance. they don't understand. its frustrating and hurtful but you cant change it, if they wanted to understand it all better, they would try, its easier to blame you then to learn to understand it.

im sorry, its so incredible hard to just deal with depression and then deal with how everyone is treating you over something you cant control is topping on the cake. I unfortunately have no answers or tricks to get thru it. I no longer share with people. I was always cautious with whom I shared with to begin with, and only a handful know, but I must of picked the wrong people. ive learned...now I just hide it all and try to force a smile.

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I try not to share too much either. I don't want to spread the misery. Afraid people will get turned off. Afraid I'll sound like a broken record. (Also, I'm tired of the subject...depression....if only I could wish it away! Maybe I need an exorcism! Just kidding!) So far the two best remedies i've found are walking and meditating.

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I see a dual approach:

1. We talk to each other here and expect little of people outside of the community, acknowledging that we are speaking a foreign language to people who have not had to run through the waist deep mud that is depression.

2. We use the words, the glances, the skepticism, everything they send our way to invalidate us as motivation to run and exercise harder, which is my greatest ally for beating depression, if only for a few hours at a time.  

 

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6 hours ago, GSpolar said:

I see a dual approach:

1. We talk to each other here and expect little of people outside of the community, acknowledging that we are speaking a foreign language to people who have not had to run through the waist deep mud that is depression.

2. We use the words, the glances, the skepticism, everything they send our way to invalidate us as motivation to run and exercise harder, which is my greatest ally for beating depression, if only for a few hours at a time.  

 

That is a really interesting way of looking at it. Are you saying use the invalidation as motivation?

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7 hours ago, long journey said:

I try not to share too much either. I don't want to spread the misery. Afraid people will get turned off. Afraid I'll sound like a broken record. (Also, I'm tired of the subject...depression....if only I could wish it away! Maybe I need an exorcism! Just kidding!) So far the two best remedies i've found are walking and meditating.

I feel that way too. Like a huge burden. It is hard balancing reaching out for help and dealing with things on your own. Lately I have been trying to deal with it on my own and things build up and fester. What do you do for meditation. I can never seem to relax my mind. Sometimes when I try to meditate a funny random thought will pop up and completely pull me out of the mood or my mind usually is blank. I do listen to music and try and calm myself down. That and art work the best so far. Want to have a seyance? lol

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8 hours ago, allalone6 said:

people blame when they don't understand. Im in your shoes too. my "support" disappeared when I didn't miraculously get cured with therapy and pills. ive been told im "doing this for attention" and "not trying" that its "all in my head" and "I have nothing to be depressed about". its just a matter of ignorance. they don't understand. its frustrating and hurtful but you cant change it, if they wanted to understand it all better, they would try, its easier to blame you then to learn to understand it.

im sorry, its so incredible hard to just deal with depression and then deal with how everyone is treating you over something you cant control is topping on the cake. I unfortunately have no answers or tricks to get thru it. I no longer share with people. I was always cautious with whom I shared with to begin with, and only a handful know, but I must of picked the wrong people. ive learned...now I just hide it all and try to force a smile.

I'm really sorry to hear those were the reactions you received. Those do not sound like the reactions from people who care. I understand part of it is on us as well but I met my fair share of people who didn't bother to understand. Like you said, I think it was easier for them to have me deal with it alone while silencing me. I had a friend who got tired of me because I just wasn't happy and she didn't want to be my friend anymore. The pressure people put on me made me feel worse. Thank you for sharing your story though. I relate to a lot with what you said. I am too cautious on who I tell. I hope one day both of us can take off the forced smile mask and be ourselves.

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16 hours ago, My empire of dirt said:

The man who says to the man whos in the mud -"why don't you get outta the mud" has never been in that mud thus he doesn't understand. Life isn't easy for the most well adjusted among us and even harder for those of us  who have  depression. Each day is a grind to get thru to another day without blowing your brains out cause theres no one you can depend on and theres no one to talk to. Others just walk on by with the attitude "better you then me" and discard you like you where Sh!t on  their shoes. I keep telling myself that theres hope for me someday. But the reality is that I will die alone, I hope for you that never happens and you get the help and understanding you deserve.

That quote is perfect! I have tried to explain a similar explanation to others but I don't think they understood it. It is very true though. I hope you are able to reach a place where there is hope. I really mean that. Thank you for your kindness. I can really feel the emotion in your words. Take care!

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16 hours ago, One More Red Nightmare said:

Adult healthy-looking males don't get much sympathy for depression, just trite advice, dismissal, or contempt.  Most don't believe it's real or else think it's just weakness or complaining.

Depression is a deadly but invisible illness.  Feeling down sometimes isn't depression.  Severe depression is being under constant assault in your mind and body.  If someone doesn't experience it themselves (and most do not), they will never understand it.

So you suffer alone with no sympathy from others, which makes things 1000 times worse.  This is the hell of depression.  We either just endure it or end our pain in extreme fashion.

Sadly, this is very true in the Western world where being tough and emotionless equals being a man. Those types of archaic beliefs hurt me more times than I can count. I wish others could have more compassion and empathy. I have become apathetic as of late but I still make sure I can see where someone else is coming from before I judge. I am not perfect with it obviously. I think suffering alone really illustrates what I am feeling. I have had numerous amounts of friends, doctors, therapists, specialists and still felt alone with all of this. I think this is why I come here because I don't feel as alone here and it reminds me that you guys share things in common and to me that helps the most. Thank you for replying!

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Hi Icarus, :rose:

I am so sorry for the profound invalidation and dismissal you experience. And I understand the covert stuff and how impossible it is to put into words. 

I hope you at least start feeling a little more sense of validity in yourself as you move away from home. 

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2 hours ago, Icarus21 said:

I feel that way too. Like a huge burden. It is hard balancing reaching out for help and dealing with things on your own. Lately I have been trying to deal with it on my own and things build up and fester. What do you do for meditation. I can never seem to relax my mind. Sometimes when I try to meditate a funny random thought will pop up and completely pull me out of the mood or my mind usually is blank. I do listen to music and try and calm myself down. That and art work the best so far. Want to have a seyance? lol

Most of the time I use guided meditations cuz that puts my thoughts on a healthy path. Many days, I sit in my living room and watch the sunset and just get quiet inside myself. And listening to good music really helps me get to a nice place. Perhaps a seyance would too! 

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1 hour ago, long journey said:

Most of the time I use guided meditations cuz that puts my thoughts on a healthy path. Many days, I sit in my living room and watch the sunset and just get quiet inside myself. And listening to good music really helps me get to a nice place. Perhaps a seyance would too! 

I'm really glad you found something that works for you! :)

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1 hour ago, Fizzle said:

Hi Icarus, :rose:

I am so sorry for the profound invalidation and dismissal you experience. And I understand the covert stuff and how impossible it is to put into words. 

I hope you at least start feeling a little more sense of validity in yourself as you move away from home. 

Hey Fizzle!

It is good hearing from you. I hope I receive more validation as well. I know I'm supposed to self validate myself but it is hard when you are told not to trust yourself. I am still at home currently and it will probably be a year or two until I'm ready to move away. I have been thinking about going back into therapy lately and just have someone there who can guide me who understands. I think the covert stuff is the hardest part. I'm not as articulate as I want to be so I usually draw a blank or stumble over my words like a buffoon. Things like my sisters emotional abuse, bad experience with the mental health system, or dealing with other things such as racist people. I usually have to deal with these things alone. I think it made me more mad at the enablers than the actual person responsible. I heard a really great quote from a show. "It said to live your life" I struggle with that. I think I will always have resentment but I do think it would help for me to live my life. Somewhere along the way, I forgot to do that. 

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Hi Icarus,

     I am so sorry for what you have been going through.  I wish I knew what to say, but I am ill today and cannot keep my focus.  You are certainly very important to me and so many people here!  You deserve so much better than what you you have received from life!  Please forgive the shortness of my reply.  You deserve more from me too.  I am hoping things will improve for you! ! !

Sincerely,  Epictetus

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Hi Icarus, I have trouble just living my life, too. It's difficult to do when people judge us (it makes me so self-conscious). What I'm just now learning to do, though, is to be deaf to all the clueless people, ignore them and live life MY way... on MY terms.

Many people are pressuring me to work a job I despise, in retail. But I'm chasing a job as a writer, which they believe is just a hobby. I don't care what THEY believe anymore, what I believe is the only thing that matters... after all, it's MY life!

And I know myself well enough to realize that retail work depresses me. My point is, though, that if you don't turn a deaf ear on people who claim to know what's best for you (when they really don't), you will drown out your own inner voice. I drowned out my voice and that's how I became suicidal, I was living the way others wanted me to live my life.

Only YOU know what's best for YOUR life... not THEM!

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5 hours ago, Icarus21 said:

That quote is perfect! I have tried to explain a similar explanation to others but I don't think they understood it. It is very true though. I hope you are able to reach a place where there is hope. I really mean that. Thank you for your kindness. I can really feel the emotion in your words. Take care!

You only know if you live it. Those  who are not burden with depression, hopelessness, loneiness, worthlessness and issues of self doubt will never know.

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18 hours ago, Epictetus said:

Hi Icarus,

     I am so sorry for what you have been going through.  I wish I knew what to say, but I am ill today and cannot keep my focus.  You are certainly very important to me and so many people here!  You deserve so much better than what you you have received from life!  Please forgive the shortness of my reply.  You deserve more from me too.  I am hoping things will improve for you! ! !

Sincerely,  Epictetus

You don't have to apologize! Thank you for the support! You are important to me too! Honestly, I think you deserve more from me. You are extremely supportive on these boards. I have trouble with replies as well.

 

Take care!

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17 hours ago, QueenV said:

Hi Icarus, I have trouble just living my life, too. It's difficult to do when people judge us (it makes me so self-conscious). What I'm just now learning to do, though, is to be deaf to all the clueless people, ignore them and live life MY way... on MY terms.

Many people are pressuring me to work a job I despise, in retail. But I'm chasing a job as a writer, which they believe is just a hobby. I don't care what THEY believe anymore, what I believe is the only thing that matters... after all, it's MY life!

And I know myself well enough to realize that retail work depresses me. My point is, though, that if you don't turn a deaf ear on people who claim to know what's best for you (when they really don't), you will drown out your own inner voice. I drowned out my voice and that's how I became suicidal, I was living the way others wanted me to live my life.

Only YOU know what's best for YOUR life... not THEM!

I really really needed this reply thanks! What you said applies to me exactly abd you written it out beautifully. I also have been drowning out my inner voice. It has become increasingly strong and I keep fighting against it do to fear. It makes me become very sick. I'm really glad you were able to what is best for YOU. I hope you found peace. 

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17 hours ago, My empire of dirt said:

You only know if you live it. Those  who are not burden with depression, hopelessness, loneiness, worthlessness and issues of self doubt will never know.

Unfortunate, but true. I wish people could admit they don't understand instead of lecture me about things they are ignorant about. It cones off as insulting and insensitive.

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I really get that the covert part is the hardest, And I think for me part of that is because of the invalidation. I have  deep seated invalidation wounds and things that are not that easy to put into words and obvious to others feel impossible. And the type of wound the covert stuff created feels like it cut into my core being in some way, Discussing them feels and is impossible. I have been repeatedly told that the big trauma effects the responses to this but it feels big in and of itself to me.

Your mothers narcissism and your sisters bullying and undermining would definitely do that to you.  Invaladation takes away our belief in ourselves and denies our humanity. It undermined our right to have our own feelings, preferences, self. I think thats why its so damaging. 

Im not sure about you just needing to validate yourself. Sounds really cbt to me. We certainly cant rely on others to validate everything indefinitely but I know I needed just a little from others to start. I hope you get some validation fuel to start things off for you. You havent had any and I think its a little like food and we all need at least a little in life. Then hopefully confidence, assertiveness and self knowledge will take you to the next level and help you break free, 

 

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1 hour ago, Fizzle said:

I really get that the covert part is the hardest, And I think for me part of that is because of the invalidation. I have  deep seated invalidation wounds and things that are not that easy to put into words and obvious to others feel impossible. And the type of wound the covert stuff created feels like it cut into my core being in some way, Discussing them feels and is impossible. I have been repeatedly told that the big trauma effects the responses to this but it feels big in and of itself to me.

Your mothers narcissism and your sisters bullying and undermining would definitely do that to you.  Invaladation takes away our belief in ourselves and denies our humanity. It undermined our right to have our own feelings, preferences, self. I think thats why its so damaging. 

Im not sure about you just needing to validate yourself. Sounds really cbt to me. We certainly cant rely on others to validate everything indefinitely but I know I needed just a little from others to start. I hope you get some validation fuel to start things off for you. You havent had any and I think its a little like food and we all need at least a little in life. Then hopefully confidence, assertiveness and self knowledge will take you to the next level and help you break free, 

 

That was nicely worded and comforting! I do feel like the invalidation became my biggest obstacle. It would help out a lot for some validation to start with. Feeling like you are made to be a liar or overreacting for things that happened to me doesn't make me feel good at all. I would love to be able to be me. The worst part about rhe invalidation is I completely lost myself. When I talk, I don't know if they are my words or words from someone else. It is really jarring. One day at a time.

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