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The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" Thread (3)


Lindsay

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So very weary, my body has been letting me down a lot I have made some progress in certain areas but I find everyday life monotonous. I feel like a shell of my former self :sadwalk:I keep looking back even though I know I shouldn't and pine for things I once had. 

Edited by hocico
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13 hours ago, salparadise6132 said:

Welcome back, Riv.  I know you were triggered.  I know that nobody on here meant you any harm.  I know that we've all been triggered and we all understand how we can react.  I know that we all know what strength it takes to pull ourselves back from that pit.  And I know what a help you have been to all of us on this site and this thread!!!

Brian, thank you for your kindness & the warm welcome back. =)  You are correct. I was triggered and overreacted. I was in a very bad place that night and did not handle myself well. :dontgetit:I do wish everyone here nothing but the best & meant no harm. :hugs:

@CoolCat7  thank you! :hugs:I did eat full meals yesterday so that's good!

 

11 hours ago, womanofthelight said:

I go through periods of feeling badly about myself, so I understand how painful that is. 

I hate to think of you starving yourself, living on water and cheese.  Maintaining energy = maintaining life force, and you have sooooooooo much.  Please don't diminish it because of self judgment.  Depression is so sucky, and so painful because so often it is anger turned inward.  You're an introspective person.  Nourish yourself every way you can: water, food, friends, blogging, festivals, farmers' markets.  You have a lot to offer the world, so get back to it when you can.

xo,

WOTL   

WOTL, thanks so much... yeah. :/ It is painful to feel bad about yourself. I know what I am doing is turning my anger inwards, just as you said. I am taking vitamins now, so that is good at least, and as I wrote to Cat, I ate full meals yesterday! Hoorrrray! Maybe I'm back on the mend now? I hope so! I will try to eat better today.... thank you again for all your support and loving kindness!! :hugs:

@LoneSquirrel, thank you so much as well. :hugs: (Darned site won't let me quote you for some reason, or highlight your name.. GGRRRRR)

I actually don't think it's a real eating disorder? Anorexics intensely fear any weight gain and have an extremely distorted body image. While I am overly weight conscious, I don't have a distorted body image, so that's good. I think what I am doing is punishing myself... turning my anger towards myself for making bad decisions. Self-inflicted punishment. As mentioned above, today I am going to try my hardest to eat normally... thanks again for your reply. HUGS.
 

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11 hours ago, CoolCat7 said:

You can't anticipate every possible thing that could go wrong.  You just have to risk it.  What's the worst that could happen?  You get fired so you're out of work which you are now anyway.  Or try volunteering somewhere.  Explain to them that you have a health condition that might act up and you will have to leave.  You may not be able to do some things, but there are other things you could do.

I get what you are saying and I appreciate your support and comments, but here's the problem.  My amount of anxiety causes me to become so hopeless and suicidal that I end up in the hospital being monitored every 10-15 minutes. What type of job or volunteer center would want someone like me? It's impossible for me to live a life or be productive unless something changes. I am not trying to argue with you but I am trying to explain to you that if a medication/treatment does not help me with my anxiety its impossible for me to be outside of the hospital.

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6 minutes ago, RiverLight said:

Brian, thank you for your kindness & the warm welcome back. =)  You are correct. I was triggered and overreacted. I was in a very bad place that night and did not handle myself well. :dontgetit:I do wish everyone here nothing but the best & meant no harm. :hugs:

@CoolCat7  thank you! :hugs:I did eat full meals yesterday so that's good!

 

WOTL, thanks so much... yeah. :/ It is painful to feel bad about yourself. I know what I am doing is turning my anger inwards, just as you said. I am taking vitamins now, so that is good at least, and as I wrote to Cat, I ate full meals yesterday! Hoorrrray! Maybe I'm back on the mend now? I hope so! I will try to eat better today.... thank you again for all your support and loving kindness!! :hugs:

@LoneSquirrel, thank you so much as well. :hugs: (Darned site won't let me quote you for some reason, or highlight your name.. GGRRRRR)

I actually don't think it's a real eating disorder? Anorexics intensely fear any weight gain and have an extremely distorted body image. While I am overly weight conscious, I don't have a distorted body image, so that's good. I think what I am doing is punishing myself... turning my anger towards myself for making bad decisions. Self-inflicted punishment. As mentioned above, today I am going to try my hardest to eat normally... thanks again for your reply. HUGS.
 

Welcome back Riverlight :hugs:

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I have two goals for today: to eat something, a real meal and to try to get some work done. I haven't done an ounce of work in two weeks because of emotional upheaval. So my goal today is to eat and try and work at least just a little bit.. I'm not going to say I can work a full day yet, but I will at least try to make a dent in my projects. I have serious senior-itis right now with most of myself 90% out the door... so hard to motivate. Plus I realized that I truly love someone, someone new in my life, but I can accept friendship because that's all he can give. Wishing everyone here well today.

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Just now, RiverLight said:

I have two goals for today: to eat something, a real meal and to try to get some work done. I haven't done an ounce of work in two weeks because of emotional upheaval. So my goal today is to eat and try and work at least just a little bit.. I'm not going to say I can work a full day yet, but I will at least try to make a dent in my projects. I have serious senior-itis right now with most of myself 90% out the door... so hard to motivate. Plus I realized that I truly love someone, someone new in my life, but I can accept friendship because that's all he can give. Wishing everyone here well today.

Wishing you well too River, sounds like two achieveable goals, what are you thinking of making? I know how you feel about being snowed under with work and lacking the motivation, make a start as best you can.

P.S The words aren't really coming very well for me today, but it is good to see you back on here ((hugs))

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31 minutes ago, hocico said:

Wishing you well too River, sounds like two achieveable goals, what are you thinking of making? I know how you feel about being snowed under with work and lacking the motivation, make a start as best you can.

P.S The words aren't really coming very well for me today, but it is good to see you back on here ((hugs))

Your words are coming out just fine! :hugs:HUGS!

I ate two pieces of cheese this morning so far.... I think I may be back to the old ways, but I will force myself to eat a sandwich. Right now I am just drinking water which fills me up. I haven't done any work yet today but opened a new spreadsheet for my project! LOL..... Lordy, am I bad... motivate motivate! Instead I'm sitting in chat, LOL.

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1 hour ago, RiverLight said:

Your words are coming out just fine! :hugs:HUGS!

I ate two pieces of cheese this morning so far.... I think I may be back to the old ways, but I will force myself to eat a sandwich. Right now I am just drinking water which fills me up. I haven't done any work yet today but opened a new spreadsheet for my project! LOL..... Lordy, am I bad... motivate motivate! Instead I'm sitting in chat, LOL.

I ordered Chinese food its the only thing that makes me happy anymore hahah

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14 minutes ago, ladysmurf said:

I ordered Chinese food its the only thing that makes me happy anymore hahah

Oh good! I'm glad u have something that makes you happy! =) Enjoy and bon appetite! I am going to force myself to eat a sandwich now..

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