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Lindsay

The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" Thread (3)

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Idk if I ever posted in this thread.  I like to check in every now and then on the "Did you accomplish anything today?" thread.  But I'd rather vent about how I'm FEELING right now.  I cap feeling, because it is important to know that they are just feelings.  I can feel like I hate the world and everyone in it, but it doesn't make it true, and my behavior will outweigh my feelings.  So I've been going to this new psychologist for a few weeks, and we have a plan to start some therapy over the loss of my last long term relationship.  I hold a lot of hate and violence in my heart.  My anger has cost me a lot and it's something I've worked on tremendously over the last 3ish years.  But right now I'm feeling really bad.  I'm jobless, I'm about to lose my apartment, I've lost everything four times now.  I just turned 30, and it feels awful.  I have no car and it's such a struggle riding my bike and taking the bus everywhere.  It FEELS like I have to fight for every little thing, just simple things like getting food (I've been stealing food for two weeks), waking up and getting out of bed, dealing with anyone in real life.  It's just really starting to hit me right now.  And the only way I know how to cope with it, is to get angry.  And that begets a host of problems for me.  It's crazy that I can identify the problem, but no matter how hard I fight it, my anger always seems to win.  Deep down I really don't want to hurt anyone, but so many people have caused me pain, and so many people were a part of the travesty that lead me here, I just FEEL really vengeful and desperate right now.  

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emotionally exhausted. did youth mental health training today- 8 hours. plus going through depression. I feel pretty down

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I`m feeling pretty low right now.I woke up today and all I wanted to do was go back to bed.I had a really hard time getting started today.I`m really tired.I think I`ll go to bed soon.

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I'm doing ok tonight.  I spent the weekend freaking out because I was meeting with my brother Sunday night to map out a strategy for my appointment with a doctor (specializes in fatigue) this coming Friday.  My discussion with my brother went well, and we outlined some good strategies.  Then I stayed up way too late last night because I just felt such relief and I wanted to be able to experience that good feeling.  I've been dealing with persistant fatigue for the last few years, and lately some of my family members have just added to my stress.  There is way more to say about all of that, but for now I'm doing ok and trying to get back to an earlier sleep schedule.

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9 hours ago, RiverLight said:

My call with the recruiter went better than expected. I have done nothing today but go to therapy and watch movies. Mental health day off, I guess.

I'm glad it went well!  You deserve it after all the work you did.

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12 hours ago, RiverLight said:

My call with the recruiter went better than expected, after I made him violently shat his pants. I have done nothing today but go to therapy and watch the movies I recorded of me beating the hell out of my old boss, who now has Post-Traumatic Due to RiverLight Syndrome(PTDTRSD). Mental health day off, I guess.

Whoops.

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I didn't go to the river. Maybe today. I went to the supermarket and I got really depressed. I saw people on their lunch breaks, I miss being able to work. I saw mothers with their children, I can't have kids so that depressed me even more. I can't do anything...Oh what a way to start the day. Maybe I'll drive to the river today and relax....so I can release some stress...

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Ugh. I have to start prepping for my interview and have no idea where to start. Wish I remembered everything she had said in the first interview. I have a few notes, but I don't recall all of what she told me.... guess I'll just have to go with what I have.

I pray I get this job. If I don't, I have to return to my horrible wretched boss. :/  Except now according to Twilight, she has Post-Traumatic Due to RiverLight Syndrome (PTDTRSD), LOL.

This sucks... everything is dependent on this one opportunity since no others have popped up. BIG SIGH.

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16 hours ago, Anony said:

I never contacted anyone actually I staggered from my apartment, to city bus, to er, where they may have taken me in a wheel chair from if I can recall correctly. They kept asking if there was someone they could call, but I begged them not to so I didn't worry anyone.

The important part is that you got the help, Anony. :console: I'm glad you're okay. :smile:

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3 minutes ago, Natasha1 said:

?

That could be a rating of how OMRN is feeling, perhaps.  I used to go to a group therapy program, and we had to rate and keep track of our moods each day, on a scale of 1-10 (1=awful, 10=great).

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3 minutes ago, LoneSquirrel said:

That could be a rating of how OMRN is feeling, perhaps.  I used to go to a group therapy program, and we had to rate and keep track of our moods each day, on a scale of 1-10 (1=awful, 10=great).

Makes sense. Lol I'm dense.

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Got back from my trip to REAL life. My place smells like cat pee.  I am afraid my landlord is going to make me put him down.  It is not a blockage, just a chronic nervous condition where the cat has trouble peeing (put he is peeing).  Anyway, he pees outside of his box and...  Geez.  My only companion...

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23 minutes ago, salparadise6132 said:

Got back from my trip to REAL life. My place smells like cat pee.  I am afraid my landlord is going to make me put him down.  It is not a blockage, just a chronic nervous condition where the cat has trouble peeing (put he is peeing).  Anyway, he pees outside of his box and...  Geez.  My only companion...

Ugh.. I had a cat with a similiar problem at one time.. Best of luck.

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34 minutes ago, salparadise6132 said:

Got back from my trip to REAL life. My place smells like cat pee.  I am afraid my landlord is going to make me put him down.  It is not a blockage, just a chronic nervous condition where the cat has trouble peeing (put he is peeing).  Anyway, he pees outside of his box and...  Geez.  My only companion...

My cat was terminally ill and couldn't get into his box. He would just go while standing in front of it. We ended up putting tarp around the box and under it and I used a shatload of linens and towels and doing 2 loads of laundry a day to keep up. 

I totally understand. Try the tarp it might help. Unless he's going everywhere?

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