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Lindsay

The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" Thread (3)

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Feeling better - the woman in human services had fantastic news for me this morning! There's a way to get campus housing for only a $50 deposit! I'll be billed at the end of the month - which would be mid-July - for the rent. And so on for subsequent months. This is all if I have a student job, but she can get me one in her office!!! I can get other student jobs to supplement this, since it wouldn't be much, but it's enough to get me into campus housing - and out of this awful living situation. So it looks like, with my savings, I'll be OK till at least mid-August, by which time I should've earned plenty enough to see me through until the academic year starts and my fellowship and financial aid come in.

Just left feeling so much better.

Now I just have to deal with the scary issue of physically leaving in 3 weeks. My PTSD is totally inflamed over this situation, and the thought of any confrontation...even over email, because they might receive it in a way that creates a hostile environment. I told her about this, and she said technically I don't even have to email them. I can just leave, and go through the legal stuff later. I am worried about that, but I'm trying to let it go. She talked me down from a frightful height on a sort of Jenga tower of worries. This woman is great! She's been such a tremendous help, a godsend. I'll be praying for her the rest of my life, lol.

So now my primary objective is to find a campus job ASAP while she works things out for me to start one in her office as well. And then - counseling!

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2 minutes ago, Skylark1 said:

Feeling better - the woman in human services had fantastic news for me this morning! There's a way to get campus housing for only a $50 deposit! I'll be billed at the end of the month - which would be mid-July - for the rent. And so on for subsequent months. This is all if I have a student job, but she can get me one in her office!!! I can get other student jobs to supplement this, since it wouldn't be much, but it's enough to get me into campus housing - and out of this awful living situation. So it looks like, with my savings, I'll be OK till at least mid-August, by which time I should've earned plenty enough to see me through until the academic year starts and my fellowship and financial aid come in.

Just left feeling so much better.

Now I just have to deal with the scary issue of physically leaving in 3 weeks. My PTSD is totally inflamed over this situation, and the thought of any confrontation...even over email, because they might receive it in a way that creates a hostile environment. I told her about this, and she said technically I don't even have to email them. I can just leave, and go through the legal stuff later. I am worried about that, but I'm trying to let it go. She talked me down from a frightful height on a sort of Jenga tower of worries. This woman is great! She's been such a tremendous help, a godsend. I'll be praying for her the rest of my life, lol.

So now my primary objective is to find a campus job ASAP while she works things out for me to start one in her office as well. And then - counseling!

HOORAY!!!!! That is such great news, Skylark! I am so very happy for you! Not sure how to advise on the landlord situation though, but hoping you can get out of the lease without any problems. Chalk it up to the allergies perhaps and an unlivable situation?

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I am not feeling comfortable at all with things right now with my boyfriend. His therapist confirmed that I can join his session on Wed, but I am very worried atm and am afraid of getting hurt.

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41 minutes ago, LaurynJcat said:

I agree with RiverLight that you should look for some part-time job for 5 -10 hours a week to get your foot back in the door.  You could really enjoy it.

I have to wait 4 weeks to see if the excessive sleeping will go away, and  then we can add a stimulant so I can get myself out of the house because right now Pristiq makes me sleep all day long!  I don't even know why I bother honestly guys, I am so tired of feeling this way. This is not how life should be lived.

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41 minutes ago, ladysmurf said:

I don't even know why I bother honestly guys, I am so tired of feeling this way. This is not how life should be lived.

Agreed, but it seems like the "cure" for one obstacle just creates another, making things ultimately worse rather than better. Are there other things you could do to manage your anxiety that would allow you to work? Because at this point, it just seems like you'll get worse overall in 4 weeks of this. Or however long it ends up taking if you wait to test out the effects of adding another drug into the mix. Have you tried CBT or anything like that?

Praying for you.

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I had a fun and strange night with a female friend of mine last night - I thought she was coming on to me.  If asking me to rub her behind and kissing me on the lips can be considered coming on LOL.  I don't know anymore.  We had been drinking and I did not reciprocate. Gentlemanly all the way.  I don't want to take advantage of a friend when she's impaired (it was only a slight impairment, but, could have been the alcohol glasses effect).  While I am attracted to her very much and love her and her company, I love it in short spurts.  She talks and talks and, while I like talking a lot, I find it tires me out and that, therefore, we would not be a good match.  Also, I am unsure I want anyone right now.  Add it all up and I am happy I behaved as I did.  I just hope she doesn't feel rejected.

Hugs to all struggling!!! 

Edited by salparadise6132

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EXTREMELY p***** off.  I have been waiting for TWO MONTHS for an MRI because my spine doctor's staff is inadequate.  I'm sick of going in there, having nice chats and thorough explanations of a plan of treatment with a doctor I respect(ed), who seems surprised that an order for an MRI has not been sent to the insurance company--by someone in her office--because her staff is impermanent, part-time, and in disorder.  Sick of the "stop gap" measure of pain meds that have little to no effect (I've stopped taking the hydrocodone because it DEPRESSES and DISORIENTS me--so I'm sucking down ibuprofen and gabapentin like candy). The pain meds are supposed to be temporary, as I wait for the series of injections that might be really meaningful for me pain-wise. 

So I called my insurance company to see if they would authorize the MRI for me, but was told the MRI had to be "pre-authorized" by my doctor, who NEVER GETS MY MESSAGES WHEN I CALL.  Now, I have to go back to the insurance company (tennis, anyone?) and file a complaint against the doctor's office in order to get some meaningful action and/or SHOW UP AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE and DEMAND to speak to the person handling these "preauthorizations."  Meanwhile my pain is EXHAUSTING and I just want to be UNCONSCIOUS.

Edited by womanofthelight

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So relieved. The landlord has decidedly to try to handle things maturely, and is offering constructive suggestions. I feel things have been defused, so I now feel comfortable going out there and handling things that I've been putting off - like the laundry! (tomorrow) and dishes (today).

Plus, I told him the ad isn't "visible" on Craigslist (I just said it was probably getting buried because so many people have been posting recently), so he said he'll re-post it today. YAY!!!

*big sigh of relief* I also told him I found a place and am just trying to get the dates squared away, so hopefully he'll move on it now, since I'm definitely moving out.

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Quite dejected right now. My friend seems to be...less than pleasant? Though that might just be me being paranoid and projecting my negative feelings onto him. Nevertheless, it's making me trickle down towards sadness. I don't know. I feel like a bother, which is not anything new.

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1 hour ago, Skylark1 said:

So relieved. The landlord has decidedly to try to handle things maturely, and is offering constructive suggestions. I feel things have been defused, so I now feel comfortable going out there and handling things that I've been putting off - like the laundry! (tomorrow) and dishes (today).

Plus, I told him the ad isn't "visible" on Craigslist (I just said it was probably getting buried because so many people have been posting recently), so he said he'll re-post it today. YAY!!!

*big sigh of relief* I also told him I found a place and am just trying to get the dates squared away, so hopefully he'll move on it now, since I'm definitely moving out.

Glad things are working out for you Skylark

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2 hours ago, womanofthelight said:

EXTREMELY p***** off.  I have been waiting for TWO MONTHS for an MRI because my spine doctor's staff is inadequate.  I'm sick of going in there, having nice chats and thorough explanations of a plan of treatment with a doctor I respect(ed), who seems surprised that an order for an MRI has not been sent to the insurance company--by someone in her office--because her staff is impermanent, part-time, and in disorder.  Sick of the "stop gap" measure of pain meds that have little to no effect (I've stopped taking the hydrocodone because it DEPRESSES and DISORIENTS me--so I'm sucking down ibuprofen and gabapentin like candy). The pain meds are supposed to be temporary, as I wait for the series of injections that might be really meaningful for me pain-wise. 

So I called my insurance company to see if they would authorize the MRI for me, but was told the MRI had to be "pre-authorized" by my doctor, who NEVER GETS MY MESSAGES WHEN I CALL.  Now, I have to go back to the insurance company (tennis, anyone?) and file a complaint against the doctor's office in order to get some meaningful action and/or SHOW UP AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE and DEMAND to speak to the person handling these "preauthorizations."  Meanwhile my pain is EXHAUSTING and I just want to be UNCONSCIOUS.

Hugs WOTL!!!!   It is like tennis, isn't it?  I hope you get it figured out and get that MRI.  And, how about a new doctor??

 

1 hour ago, NRG said:

Quite dejected right now. My friend seems to be...less than pleasant? Though that might just be me being paranoid and projecting my negative feelings onto him. Nevertheless, it's making me trickle down towards sadness. I don't know. I feel like a bother, which is not anything new.

Welcome, NRG.  Nice to have you here with us, though I wish you didn't have to be.  Is there any chance (I obviously don't know) that your friend is just having an off day? Best to you!!!

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9 minutes ago, salparadise6132 said:

Welcome, NRG.  Nice to have you here with us, though I wish you didn't have to be.  Is there any chance (I obviously don't know) that your friend is just having an off day? Best to you!!!

Thanks for the welcome! I'm guessing he is? There's a long story behind this...."friendship" that makes it hard to determine his mood. Nevertheless, I'm gonna assume he is in a bad mood and try to lighten my mood the remainder of the night. Thanks again~

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11 minutes ago, NRG said:

Thanks for the welcome! I'm guessing he is? There's a long story behind this...."friendship" that makes it hard to determine his mood. Nevertheless, I'm gonna assume he is in a bad mood and try to lighten my mood the remainder of the night. Thanks again~

:)

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I am.posting from my smartphone and it is not as easy as posting from my computer.  

I am feeling really depressed.  I am having the same nightmare three nights in a row. I keep dreaming I am in school and my school teachers are abusive and violent.  I keep remembering how my childhood was painful.  My life is cursed.   I think I am having these nightmares because I will be attending a six week program at my local hospital.  I feel like I am being subjected to punishment and my abusers are enjoying life.  Life is pure nonsense.  I have suffered too much at the hands of the human race.  

Edited by duck

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Oh dear. :/ Work just wrote me asking for my status on a return to work or what I am planning to do.

What do I do now? Do I tell them I am still not ready to come back but I do plan on coming back? I want to drag this out as long as I can without getting fired. Hope they won't require another doctor's note!

Thankfully I have therapy this morning and can address it then too.

Edited by RiverLight

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