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Lindsay

The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" Thread (3)

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In good news, my program director did agree to let me enroll for summer term! I didn't tell him all of my motivations, just the employment and housing pieces. I said it would give me access to more resources, since I can't get a student job or campus housing without being enrolled. And thank God, OSU's academic year begins in the summer, so financial aid limits won't be an issue, since I used all of last year's for my BA.

They don't have any funding for the summer, and I'll have to rely solely on federal aid, too. Praying that's enough, at the very least for tuition and housing.

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sad lonely and bitter, I feel like I will die alone because of my crappy personailty I have been thinking about I ended up single all thru out four years of college and can,t attract anyone, at work to, and volunteering sending hundreds of messages on dating websites it hurts reflecting on that i have felt distant from almost everyone besides my therpist since I was a teenager never felt anyone outside the internet was my friend. Talking to people and just feeling a sense of emptiness between me and them. It feels weird im so independent its not how I wanted my life to end up. In my future all I see emptiness,i,ll end up turning into scrooge mad bitter and focused on working and money because I have nothing else to my life. I wanted to go to another therpist so I can pretend like there my friend, I pretty much just go because im lonely I even tell them that I guess i,ll go again I feel like im going to run around in circles for a few more years till I run out of insurance. then I will look back and laugh at myself for ruining my life while pointing it out to myself and others, trying to change and failing over and over with little progress.

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5 hours ago, Natasha1 said:

Fee like crap due to some circumstances but I'm strong and will kick the cats ass on this subject.

Sorry you are feeling like crap, but I love your outlook, and  Yes U will, Natasha!!!!

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5 hours ago, Abandonedalways said:

Spent the morning at the park with my daughter, so I'm feeling groovy.

La la la la la la la la, Feeling Groovy...  Is anyone else he old enough to remember the melody to that, or is is it just me, LOL!!!

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2 hours ago, Lonelystreet said:

Had a great counselling session, probably because i did my own independent research and brought a lot of it forward. I feel like i'm finally uncovering the reasons as to why i'm so trapped. 

Small steps as they say. Night-time is always a better time for me so i'm just enjoying some good feelings for a while.

Hope everyone else is doing okay.

It is all small steps, LS.  And good for you for taking them!!!  You can do it, my friend, I know it!!!!!

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1 hour ago, Skylark1 said:

Thank you! You're a genius - it worked! lol

That's one worry solved. And I certainly don't need any more right now.

When in doubt, reboot LOL!!!  It is amazing how often that works :)

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I'm not sure how I feel. Trying to slow down and rest after the day I've had. Hunger wouldn't abate for a long time. And now, I've still got that application to finish...but I'm just kind of sitting here, blank.

Things are looking up after all this scurrying around...and I've been handling things so much better, with social interactions, my emotions. No longer hopeless. Don't feel much at all. Hope my brain's OK. Hope, hope...I need to do something I enjoy. Maybe I'm too tired?

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Doing some writing. I feel fairly even keel right now. Only a matter of time until I get sucked back into the oblivion that I call my consciousness. Alas, salvation is always around the corner. Hoping everyone gets a good nights sleep (I know that's unlikely for most people, but a guy can dream).

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I woke up sweating with nightmares from my childhood. I dreamt I was in school with my abusive teachers.  I am sick of these nightmares.  

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On 19/05/2016 at 4:24 PM, LaurynJcat said:

I am feeling anxious.  Having a minor medical procedure (cosmetic) done today and hoping it will go well.  Send me your best wishes.

Hope you are doing good Lauryn. Hugs

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i am feeling -Lethargic. Languid. 

i'm always sleeping late. like 3-4 in the morning. reading or just lying in bed trying not to think of anything. 

feeling a bit Anxious because i have to go to a family party. i know i'm going to isolate myself plus wear a hat and not make eye contact with anyone. and i'll bring books and gadgets to distract me from the horror of being around other humans who aren't behind a tv screen. but i still get super nervous so i'll sweat a lot and end up being uncomfortable. it'll just be overstimulating. since being outside makes me go high alert. the only thing i'm looking forward to is free food i can bring home and taking a nice shower and scrubbing the sweat, bad feelings, and just the Outside in general. 

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I feel sorry for every woman at work who has to put up with the creep that i am.

I've been lied to and treated like garbage repeatedly on so many occasions, I had to work sick or stay home multiple times. 

My job is making me sick and everything I do to improve leads to nothing. Because of how they're taking advantage of us, even enjoying doing part of my job doesn't help. If enjoying my job doesn't help, I don't know what will.

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Woken up by a collection agency this morning. Ugh. I can't even think about my debt until I get the current crises taken care of and get stable.

I have been feeling emotionally more stable, but that took a hit this morning. Got some bad news about a friend, and have been feeling down. :(

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On ‎5‎/‎20‎/‎2016 at 2:34 PM, RiverLight said:

Thanks Skylark. :hugs:The reality of the issues is sinking in further.... there are many. The fact that my therapist tells me what he does borders on abuse, well, it's got me severely depressed today at this stark reality. He also becomes very controlling, and is now freaking out about me traveling.

There's just too much to deal with. :/  I feel so depressed about the fact that i may need to break up with him. I don't know if he can change or if therapy will help. I will try, but I have serious doubts right now. The issues I feel are mainly on his end & for him to work on. I am not innocent, but his are very problematic for me.

I just wrote a blog post (and a few others) on the topic... the last being about what he does to me verbally, if you feel like reading it: http://www.depressionforums.org/forums/blogs/entry/26330-harsh-reality/

 

Thanks for sharing in your blog; I'm so sorry you're struggling with all this!

:hugs:(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((RiverLight)))))))))))))))))))))))))):hugs:!!!!

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I am feeling the best I've felt (relatively speaking) since Katie told me she was engaged. I know it will be up and down for a while, but I am slowly coming to peaceful terms with it. She thanked me for the card and told me she thought it was a very nice thing to do. I feel like it was just the RIGHT thing to do. I even offered to help Travis (her fiance') move into her house when the time comes. I just want this to be a drama-free transition, and to get things off on the right foot. For my son's sake more than anything.

Had a pretty good day at work, and now getting ready to meet a dear lady-friend for dinner (strictly platonic, tho I am bringing flowers - she has been dealing with quite a big steaming plate of sh!t in recent months).

I hope everyone is having a good weekend...you are all a family of sorts to me, thank you for being here :-)

 

Peace, t

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19 hours ago, Skylark1 said:

In good news, my program director did agree to let me enroll for summer term! I didn't tell him all of my motivations, just the employment and housing pieces. I said it would give me access to more resources, since I can't get a student job or campus housing without being enrolled. And thank God, OSU's academic year begins in the summer, so financial aid limits won't be an issue, since I used all of last year's for my BA.

They don't have any funding for the summer, and I'll have to rely solely on federal aid, too. Praying that's enough, at the very least for tuition and housing.

Hope it works out for you.

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1 hour ago, LonelyHiker said:

I am feeling the best I've felt (relatively speaking) since Katie told me she was engaged. I know it will be up and down for a while, but I am slowly coming to peaceful terms with it. She thanked me for the card and told me she thought it was a very nice thing to do. I feel like it was just the RIGHT thing to do. I even offered to help Travis (her fiance') move into her house when the time comes. I just want this to be a drama-free transition, and to get things off on the right foot. For my son's sake more than anything.

Had a pretty good day at work, and now getting ready to meet a dear lady-friend for dinner (strictly platonic, tho I am bringing flowers - she has been dealing with quite a big steaming plate of sh!t in recent months).

I hope everyone is having a good weekend...you are all a family of sorts to me, thank you for being here :-)

 

Peace, t

Glad things are going pretty good for you. LH

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They keep this place so cold, even during the day. I was cooking, enjoying the heat, but suddenly there was smoke billowing from the stove. The landlord came out, very annoyed with me for not remembering about the fans and how to turn off the smoke alarm (way above my head, to which I didn't even have time to drag a chair before he showed up), which went off. Like I've been in any state to remember about stuff like that. Sorry, but I never cook. I hardly spend more time in kitchens than it takes to load and unload the microwave, having been in school more or less full time the last 6 years, plus being having so many physical and mental health issues... So I don't know.

I'm getting really sick of how uncomfortable the atmosphere is around here. The fact that he was peeved at me, but gets so touchy when I show the least upset about any of the lunacy around here...I know it's partly my PTSD making me walk on eggshells - the fear is greater than the present situation calls for. But still, he acts like a baby. And I'm fed up.

I do have an appt to see another place Tuesday. *Praying*

And for all of you! Best wishes for the day. It's a gloomy one where I am. :(

Edited by Skylark1

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18 minutes ago, Lonelystreet said:

Met friends for brunch, got into the swing of things, went for drinks, escalated - feeling so strange now.. bit worried about myself, this feels like a new level. Oh..

Escalated? I do hope you're all right...

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