Jump to content

The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" Thread (3)


Lindsay

Recommended Posts

1 hour ago, Lady Mozzer said:

I`m feeling incredibly down tonight.My mind is filled with worries.I just want to go to bed now.I`m very grateful for my Mother though.She took me to movies to make me feel better.I`m so so tired of never having any peace in my life.I just want some peace in my life.

I'm sorry. do you feel like sometimes when you go out you feel down after bc you're reminded that you're out of place and going through stuff? I feel it too. I spent time with a friend of mine. got home and felt lonelier than ever ..on a Saturday night. smh. 

:console::console:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Watched A Doll's House from '73 with Anthony Hopkins. Loved it.

Seriously thinking about leaving this place, breaking my lease. I still haven't received a copy! I'm going to take it to the school's legal services and student advocacy, and see how they can help me. Still seriously concerned, especially about physically leaving, and the guy trying to stop me or hold on to my stuff.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

7 hours ago, mulberrypie said:

So many here going through so many terrible struggles!! I'm so sorry! Sending love and healing to you all!!!!

:hugs:((((((((((((((((((((everyone))))))))))))))))))):hugs:!!

Thank you Mulberry. Still REALLY struggling tonight. One of the worst days of my entire life, or at least one of the worst I've had in awhile. All the love and prayers(if you guys pray) you can send are very appreciated and necessary. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Still waiting for all of this to resolve itself into reality. To become real. To feel real. It just won't sink in. It feels like a dream.

I can't believe I really left Arizona like this. I can't believe I really behaved so recklessly, irresponsibly, childishly. Desperately. I can't believe I was in such a panic - a superstitious panic about "never being able to get out."

Now I'm out - in this. ***?

I just can't believe any of it. I keep waiting for it to feel real. I feel like I've been waiting for my real life to begin for...my whole life? Like I'm waiting to wake up. I don't know, but the time since arriving in this surreally horrific house just does not feel real, even compared to the time before - even the drive up, which was awful in itself.

I just keep wishing and hoping for a time when I can be in a safe, comfortable, clean place again. I know that escapist desire is selling myself short, though. I know God wants more for me than I want for myself. I need to start living into his plan, aiming high, rather than selling myself short. I got into a fully funded MA program! I won a fellowship, for crying out loud. It all starts in 4 months. Just 4 more months. I've earned my BA with a 4.0.

I wish I'd gone to my graduation. Maybe then that would feel real to me, and I'd have some sense of the milestones and achievements I've already earned. I just wish good things and hope felt real. Tangible. Reachable. Instead of horror, always looming. It's hard to hold on. I really, really need some kind of support network here, some connections to keep me grounded. There's so much darkness in my head, my memories, that without outside social support, it can easily sweep me away into oblivion.

I probably need to tell someone that.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sad, hurt, very tired. I am very tired of being abandoned, every time it happens I get really sad. It makes me not want to continue on. But this it hurts more then normal. This time its was done by someone who kept saying they care and always will. That they will and would never leave me, but they still did. This is why I have given up on relationships of every kind, because if I let them in and I truly get hurt again idk what I am going to do.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I made it to the drugstore tonight then I met my friends for coffee.  We went to Starbucks and a bar then Wendy's.

I met a friend from my EFT group Keshia.  She has been worried about me because she did not see me on Friday at the EFT group.   I told her I am not feeling well.  She does not believe me because I am always smiling.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am feeling sad and empty.  I do not think I will ever have a normal life.  I am forty nine and I am losing hope. I am better off dead.  Nothing will improve.  It's too late now. Crying.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

15 minutes ago, duck said:

I am feeling sad and empty.  I do not think I will ever have a normal life.  I am forty nine and I am losing hope. I am better off dead.  Nothing will improve.  It's too late now. Crying.

Hugs duck man. Please know that it's never too late. Beaks my heart to see you this way. 

Thinking of you

Link to comment
Share on other sites

45 minutes ago, duck said:

Forty nine years of living in hell.    Nothing will improve.

Sorry to hear that Duck. Life has a way of keeping us from living it sometimes, but please, please know that even if it does not seem that way, or has for a very long time, things can always improve. These feelings do not last forever, no matter how much we convince ourselves that they do.
You are a good person and i hope you can find some comfort again. Small steps my friend :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've been feeling a bit despondent in the past few days. I went to therapy last Friday and we talked about how well i'm doing and the things that i have achieved. I'm not sure if this was a trigger but the past few days i've been fighting the old demons who have raised their ugly heads again. 
I went out last night for a friends bday, against my own anxieties and i ended up having fun. But as soon as i woke up today, the old feelings come back again. Finding it hard to do things alone, but also trying not to rely on people i know won't be here forever, is even harder.

Edited by Lonelystreet
Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, Lonelystreet said:

Sorry to hear that Duck. Life has a way of keeping us from living it sometimes, but please, please know that even if it does not seem that way, or has for a very long time, things can always improve. These feelings do not last forever, no matter how much we convince ourselves that they do.
You are a good person and i hope you can find some comfort again. Small steps my friend :)

Thanks for your support.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I feel very conflicted and confused. I don't know if my boyfriend and I can work out our issues. We broke up the other night and had a huge fight. I don't like the way he treats me when he's upset. He condemns, attacks and accuses me, then becomes very controlling. I have told him this is an issue for me and is unacceptable behavior. It feels abusive. When things are good, they're great. But this concerns me a great deal. And it's only when he's upset or overly anxious that this happens.

He really lit into me because I wasn't totally forthcoming about something I did. I felt completely beaten up afterwards as a result. And rather than looking at the positive end of things, ie, that I did tell him the truth when asked, he condemns me for not being open about it right away. And because he was so upset, he didn't even congratulate me on doing well in my interview, most importantly to me.

And the fact of the matter is, is that because of how poorly he reacts when is he is upset, I am afraid of upsetting him, so I hold back.... that is why I wasn't immediately open about what I did. If he was more reasonable then maybe I would be more open.

And all I did was go to a bar by myself after the interview. We have an agreement whereby we don't go to bars by ourselves, but I broke that agreement because I wanted a drink after my interview and while waiting for the train home. So sue me. And yet, he condemns me for this. He had to ask me if I was at a bar, rather than me telling him outright. I was also scrambled in my brain after my interview and not so together....... but. at least I told him the truth. I could have lied and said no. But he doesn't see it this way. And now he doesn't trust me as a result and we already have deep trust issues on both our ends.

So I made a mistake. What can I do except tell him that I will be more open next time. When I wrote to a friend about what happened, it felt so ridiculous to even explain. To say that he got mad because I went to a bar by myself.... it's not like I was talking to guys or trying to pick someone up. Not at all. I wanted a drink. Period. And I can't really drink openly at home, yet of course my boyfriend doesn't seem to clue into this or even try to understand. He just thinks I am trying to pick someone up possibly.

I don't know if we can work this out. I think we need couples counseling. :/ I am still very upset about feeling beaten up by him. I almost don't even want to talk to him....... it is sinking in further what this truly means.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

anyone have any feedback or advice about my boyfriend? I am kind of freaking out about this right now..... I don't want to break up, but I can't deal with how he treats me when he's upset. He knows this and has brought it to therapy, but I don't see any changes in his behavior.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

18 hours ago, Icy_rose88 said:

Thank you River, it is just exhausting, annoying, and hard and sad for me to have to deal with and it is magnified by 100 today, it's like i can't escape it. I am trying to keep my cool but I just want to fight honestly. 

(((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))) So very sorry for what you're going through! I pray that things get better for you soon and you find some relief..... you gave me some advice before about meditation, which I do from time to time. I find guided meditations on YouTube to be very helpful for stress and relaxation. Maybe try a few? If anything, they can at least provide some amount of short-term relief....  sending massive hugs and well wishes!!!!!  :hugs:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

5 minutes ago, RiverLight said:

anyone have any feedback or advice about my boyfriend? I am kind of freaking out about this right now..... I don't want to break up, but I can't deal with how he treats me when he's upset. He knows this and has brought it to therapy, but I don't see any changes in his behavior.

I'm experiencing something similar. I know how I feel about my situation but not sure if my advice would help or hinder.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

38 minutes ago, Wisteria said:

So unusual to be suddenly so busy every weekend in this month, normally just chilling at home. A nice change of phase, I think...

Still exhausted and depressed, though. :(

I want to give up in absolutely everything...

don't give up, Wisteria! maybe give yourself a little vacation.... take a soothing bath, listen to some relaxing music, take a walk, or get together with a friend for coffee. You deserve a break!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, RiverLight said:

don't give up, Wisteria! maybe give yourself a little vacation.... take a soothing bath, listen to some relaxing music, take a walk, or get together with a friend for coffee. You deserve a break!

Aww, thank you RiverLight! I feel like there's always so much to do, lol. ><'' You're right... It's just healthy to take a break sometimes, to stop for awhile and breathe deeply... Giving up is the easiest option but not the best one, even though I really feel like it. :(

Also... I hope things will improve for you about the job thing + boyfriend!! :hugs: 

Edited by Wisteria
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...