Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
Lindsay

The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" Thread (3)

Recommended Posts

I feel very sad.  My only close friend, my one-time soulmate, my spiritual twin, the only person I wanted to be with, is leaving for good.  She left me emotionally long ago, but now I'll never see her again.  I am alone.  There are no happy endings in this life.

There must be something better beyond this physical world, which I think sucks.  Actually I know there is; I've seen it.  I've been to the beautiful void when I temporarily left this world, but I couldn't stay.  I will spend the rest of my life seeking it.

Thanks to a friend I met on this forum, I now think I am not depressed.  I am in the dark night of the soul.  Dark it is indeed.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

All week long it's been stormy and so has my head--I've been down with headaches at least 2 of these stormy days.

Fortunately today is sunny, barometric pressure is up. My scalp still hurts a bit, but I no longer have severe head pain and the subsequent nausea and homeostasis imbalance.

@Nisemono I love the idea of the Meowtrix. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 minutes ago, RiverLight said:

Terrible day. I feel very anxious, lonely depressed and sad. Rough rough rough day. I've been on the couch all day long & will remain here all night long too. :/

Sorry you are having a bad day RL.  I haven't had the best day myself.  (((((Hugs))))

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, One More Red Nightmare said:

I feel very sad.  My only close friend, my one-time soulmate, my spiritual twin, the only person I wanted to be with, is leaving for good.  She left me emotionally long ago, but now I'll never see her again.  I am alone.  There are no happy endings in this life.

There must be something better beyond this physical world, which I think sucks.  Actually I know there is; I've seen it.  I've been to the beautiful void when I temporarily left this world, but I couldn't stay.  I will spend the rest of my life seeking it.

Thanks to a friend I met on this forum, I now think I am not depressed.  I am in the dark night of the soul.  Dark it is indeed.

 

I'm sorry you lost your friend.  I know that is tough.  Relationships have always been my downfall.  Hope you feel better soon.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 2/25/2016 at 7:21 AM, RiverLight said:

I woke up utterly depressed. Things don't hit me until much later.

Can't believe I am going through another worker's compensation case. I went through one in 2008 and had to battle the insurance company for a year and a half over my wrist injury.

Now I am facing a potential denial by the insurance company and am in the process all over again. They could deny my claim, in which case I am out of work with no income. I am already stressed.

The prolonged abuse from my boss is sinking in more and I am truly sick and traumatized. I did not know how to stand up to an abusive boss.

Talking to two lawyers today, one in person the other over the phone. I'm not going to take a shower for this meeting. I don't feel like it.

I am seeing my bf tonight and hope I can gather some strength to at least be some amount of fun. I am worried I cannot put on a fake happy face this weekend.

My spirit is crushed. I want to cry but can't. Watched Good Will Hunting and felt like Will when he broke down and wept in the therapist's arms, who was telling him it wasn't his fault. I want someone to tell me the same.. that the abuse is not my fault.

What did I do to bring this on?

Edited to say: CRAP. I just tried to login to an account I use at work, and it seems I have been removed from the account! I need that access to perform my job. I wrote to HR asking if I have indeed been removed, and if I'm getting fired. CRAP OH CRAP OH CRAP. Now I'm panicking....

If I do get fired, I think I have cause for legal action. CRAP.

 

Oh no River, I am so sorry you are so depressed. I have actually felt my depression and anxiety go through the roof the last week or so and it has left me feeling tired, empty, and making me have suicidal dreams, even. So I know how you feel. Sometimes your soul/spirit gets crushed and you just need someone to help you pick it back up and put it back together again, It may not be the same spirit as it was before, but it will slowly repair with time and support. Also, there is absolutely NO reason that you should be dealing with abuse from ANYONE whether it be your boss, your family members, "friends"..anyone. In abusive situations such as that, you definitely need to find a place where you feel safe to meditate and just free your mind for a bit, and try to get away from the situation all together. I hope things get better for you, I see you as a friend and I truly care about your well being. ((Hugs))

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Feeling extremely stressed today and prayers are appreciated, I think one of my best friends and family members is having a depressive breakdown because of one of my other family members that you guys know about. It has been a very bad night/morning. Want to cry and hide. Getting in to see a therapist soon so I hope that atleast helps.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
23 minutes ago, RiverLight said:

Terrible day. I feel very anxious, lonely depressed and sad. Rough rough rough day. I've been on the couch all day long & will remain here all night long too. :/

Hey River, I am feeling the exact same way today, I am sorry you are going through it aswell, how have you been doing? I haven't been on the site lately because I was afraid it would make me more depressed and suicidal instead of less. Sometimes when I see everyone else going through the ringer it stirs up feelings for me too. But I am really in need of support so I decided to pick it back up again.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Just trying to hold on today. I've been very anxious. It might be related to blood sugar...I stayed in bed til 1:27 today! Didn't mean to...last I checked it was 8:19, then I decided to rest. I'm slightly alarmed that it felt like it was only 10-11 at the latest when I got up. Did I fall back asleep and somehow blank on it? How the hell did 5+ hours slip away from me? I wasn't even that hungry when I finally got up.

Feel weird. Numb-like, but not really...hard to explain.

It's awful outside today. I might not even go to Mass. Now that I don't have a car anymore, I need to walk almost everywhere in this tiny little town. It's not far, but it's cold and miserable, and the free bus system doesn't go very near the church. I'd still have to walk at least 1/2 mile in the rain...I don't know. I am still getting over an illness, but I really feel like I need Communion - was doing better with it the last 2 days. My allergies have been going crazy here, too...at least my throat is better today.

Eating & drinking all kinds of things I know are bad for me. I wish I could fast-forward the next four months. Or to my death. Do I break another lease, and risk a confrontation with the creepy guy who's always home, or do I stick it out in this filthy, cold, creepy place for almost four more months?

*sighs and takes another sip*

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
5 minutes ago, RiverLight said:

Thanks Steve, much appreciated! :hugs:

((((((((Icy_Rose))))))) So sorry things are tough for you still. Sending you prayers!!!!!! I pray that things get better for you and those that you love dearly!

Thank you River, it is just exhausting, annoying, and hard and sad for me to have to deal with and it is magnified by 100 today, it's like i can't escape it. I am trying to keep my cool but I just want to fight honestly. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hugs to all of you hurting today.  Seem to be too many to single out - must be the weather or something Hmmm?  I am thinking good thoughts for you all!

As for me, just meh, today.  Not horrible.  Dark, cold and windy here.  I shouldn't let the weather bother me but sometimes I can't help it.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Trying to figure out whether to go to Mass. It's anywhere between 53-56 degrees out, depending on which weather report I trust, and still raining... Just when I've been starting to feel better, too...though my nose won't stop running.

At least the rain is pushing the pollen to the ground. And I know if I try to avoid the rain here, I'll just be inside most of the time. I haven't been doing as well today, compared to yesterday...I probably do need Communion.

Ugh. I guess I'm going out in that. Now I need to find out about bus schedules, so I can skip at least part of the walk. I feel brain-dead. Probably the harmful substances I've taken though I knew I shouldn't. On the advice of basically everyone, I have been looking for new places, too, but I'm still really scared of breaking another lease, and especially, of physically leaving and encountering...objections, confrontations, the guy trying to keep my stuff as, I don't know, collateral or whatever. I don't know about the legality, and have to wait til Monday to find out from the school's legal services.

Wish I'd stayed in my old horrible living situation. At least there, I had a car, it was sunny and DRY, rent was cheaper, I hadn't chucked so much of my stuff in the move, and I knew what to expect. I can't believe I did this. I tend to run, and to act rashly, in desperation. But I've been desperate for so many years. How can I get out of desperation without getting out of what's making me desperate? But if acting from desperation always leads to this...am I just doomed?

Trying not to think of suicide again. I should go to Mass.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Work itself was a pretty good day except for being alone with my thoughts. Came home, ate then tried to take a nap which only turned into crying and letting my thoughts get to me. Mostly family issues based solely on how I'm always the last one on everyones list of friends. I'm a social reject, simple as that but it still gets to me. Everything my cousins have seems to be what I simply will never have for myself. Friends... An actual relationship... And being seen in a good light by the majority of people I'm around.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

im getting a bit worried about making enough money to live bymyself I could make more money then I did before my degree but I don,t know if i can get a job where I start out making over 40,000 in the current economy and thats how much I will need to live the lifestyle I want. i might have to ask my friend to be my roommate or see if my sister would move in whenever she decides to start  working. Im worried about her she is almost 19 and all she does is play league of legends when i go to my parents for the whole day everyday.i mean she is happy doing it but I think she should go to college. She said she wants to be a concept art desingerfor games but said she doesn,t feels like she won,t like it because she will have to draw 8 hours a day. I said why don,t you try out communiy college to see what you like. Both my parents didn,t go to college so they don,t understand how important is to get your foot in the door with companies by getting a degree,or if you want to any job thats not blue collar or real estate. which it doesn,t sound like she wants to do.

My brother is doing good though and is getting good grades I told him if he gets enough grades.He can get a scholar ship and go to a good university. My sister told me she won,t work anything close to minium wage not even a retail job or anything. she is very very spoiled by my parents. They did that to me to when I was younger and I started out life with a bad work ethic. i still feel like i need to be more driven I don,t like that my parents are helping me out with my bills im going to pay them back of course,but it makes me feel like a child.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I went to a funeral this PM. Did not really know the man, but I had met him. I was singing as a part of a group so there I was. I hate funerals, for a very selfish reason. This was a very beloved, nice and accomplished man so the service was packed, the homily moving, funny and loving and I do say the music was spectacular. Why the hate? I am sure mine will be 5 people (maybe) hired off the street to make it look good. I have done nothing to be all that proud of. People from my past will laugh when they say I was good. So I am really down tonight. The anxiety I have been having does not help.

Thanks for listening.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
31 minutes ago, LaurynJcat said:

The thing is, it doesn't matter how many people attend your funeral as you won't care.  If you know you're a good person, you're the one who knows yourself best so that's the only opinion that matters.

Thanks Lauryn.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Mass actually helped, feel a little better. Had some "dinner" which consisted of a can of refried beans without any add-ons...really must go to a food bank this week.

Hoping to unwind with a movie if I can find anything good on Hulu.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I`m feeling incredibly down tonight.My mind is filled with worries.I just want to go to bed now.I`m very grateful for my Mother though.She took me to movies to make me feel better.I`m so so tired of never having any peace in my life.I just want some peace in my life.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, Skylark1 said:

Trying to figure out whether to go to Mass. It's anywhere between 53-56 degrees out, depending on which weather report I trust, and still raining... Just when I've been starting to feel better, too...though my nose won't stop running.

At least the rain is pushing the pollen to the ground. And I know if I try to avoid the rain here, I'll just be inside most of the time. I haven't been doing as well today, compared to yesterday...I probably do need Communion.

Ugh. I guess I'm going out in that. Now I need to find out about bus schedules, so I can skip at least part of the walk. I feel brain-dead. Probably the harmful substances I've taken though I knew I shouldn't. On the advice of basically everyone, I have been looking for new places, too, but I'm still really scared of breaking another lease, and especially, of physically leaving and encountering...objections, confrontations, the guy trying to keep my stuff as, I don't know, collateral or whatever. I don't know about the legality, and have to wait til Monday to find out from the school's legal services.

Wish I'd stayed in my old horrible living situation. At least there, I had a car, it was sunny and DRY, rent was cheaper, I hadn't chucked so much of my stuff in the move, and I knew what to expect. I can't believe I did this. I tend to run, and to act rashly, in desperation. But I've been desperate for so many years. How can I get out of desperation without getting out of what's making me desperate? But if acting from desperation always leads to this...am I just doomed?

Trying not to think of suicide again. I should go to Mass.

Gigantic hugs to you Sky!!! (((Skylark1)))

Please do what you need to do and do what is best for you.  You deserve it!!!!

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, Donaldopato said:

I went to a funeral this PM. Did not really know the man, but I had met him. I was singing as a part of a group so there I was. I hate funerals, for a very selfish reason. This was a very beloved, nice and accomplished man so the service was packed, the homily moving, funny and loving and I do say the music was spectacular. Why the hate? I am sure mine will be 5 people (maybe) hired off the street to make it look good. I have done nothing to be all that proud of. People from my past will laugh when they say I was good. So I am really down tonight. The anxiety I have been having does not help.

Thanks for listening.

Hugs bud!!!  We value you here, my friend.  Your singing and your kindness say it all about you!!!!  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...