Lindsay Posted February 18, 2016 Share Posted February 18, 2016 Hi Members! It's time for a new "How Do You Feel Right Now?" Topic. Let's hear it! ~Lindsay 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lindsay Posted February 18, 2016 Author Share Posted February 18, 2016 A few Posts from the last thread!!! Feeling better. ~Lindsay 42 minutes ago, JD4010 said: "Our vanity gets in the way of our sanity". I just made that up. Feel free to print it on bumper stickers and get filthy rich from it. Happy Birthday, Anxietygirl7! I'm not feeling great, but I'm not crawling through the ditch, either. I'd call that a win. 28 minutes ago, althor said: Scared of another exam tomorrow. I really shouldn't worry about it so much. 1 hour ago, LonelyHiker said: Thank you RL, a "crying buddy" would be nice! Hugs back atcha... T 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RiverLight Posted February 18, 2016 Share Posted February 18, 2016 A new start to this awesome thread! Woohoo! LH, you've got it--- I'm right there with you. I think I could be a running faucet right now. Althor, wishing you all the best with your exam tomorrow! 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
salparadise6132 Posted February 18, 2016 Share Posted February 18, 2016 Knock Knock. Am I here? JD - glad to see it worked out for ya man! 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RiverLight Posted February 18, 2016 Share Posted February 18, 2016 (edited) Thanks, Lauryn! I can relate to your guilt --- I am falling behind in my coursework because of my twisted evil boss. I have not done any studying this week because of it and need to catch up. I do hope you feel better soon and can get some writing done! So it's official. I think I am going crazy. I am also making myself sick to my stomach. I am reading about NPD abuse & this is what I have suffered under my boss's tyrannical reign. Disagree with a narcissist and you get their rage. Threaten their ego/sense of security in any way, you get their rage. This is what has been happening. She has been raging against me, and I think I have finally and officially lost it. I have no strength left. She wins. I have officially been crushed. My whole spirit is crushed. If only I could sue her; if only I could take paid disability time. I want to take action against her. My own anger and rage is growing over the injustice. There is no one above her to go to; there is no HR dept. I have no rights here. I can't submit a complaint against her. I want to call the dept of labor. I am isolated and all alone with this. I am truly sickened. If I checked myself into a hospital perhaps then I could sue. I feel like the walking dead. Lifeless. My pulse is there but I am barely alive. Maybe I do belong in the hospital. I don't know. I need to be taken care of right now. I can't do this anymore. Wonder if I should check myself in. Edited February 18, 2016 by RiverLight 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mywarmblood Posted February 18, 2016 Share Posted February 18, 2016 I'm doing a lot better. Feeling relieved. I've managed to lose 35 pounds in two months. Finally got the motivation to start exercising this week out of nowhere after getting tired of just dieting and left the apartment to go on a walk for the 1st time in 4 years. Exercised and walked everyday this whole week since then and lost 13 pounds in a single week. I reached my first big goal of losing all of the weight I had gained in the past 4 years. Still got around 200 lbs left to lose in total but I'm feeling confident now. I've never managed to hold this mentality for so long before. All without planning or scheduling. It might just stick. I'm still extremely depressed and don't see the point in anything but I'm not turning to food anymore and I'm doing this without needing a reason ultimately. Time passes so much faster now. 11 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roadking02 Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 Just got back from the Deadpool movie. Went by myself which kinda bugged me because of seeing so many couples... I did enjoy the movie though. Work weekend is probably gonna suck. Friday, Saturday and Sunday... I love the 4 days off though I don't do much. 11 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donaldopato Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 I have been losing weight too mywarmblood. SI am under 200lbs for the first time in ages. Started out at 275 about 5 years ago, now am 193. I want to be at 185 by Easter. Then I will pig out. Feels good to be rid of it. Keep up the good work. 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
My empire of dirt Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 8 hours ago, Lindsay said: Hi Members! It's time for a new "How Do You Feel Right Now?" Topic. Let's hear it! ~Lindsay empty as always. 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Unwanted Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 I feel like I'm a doormat everybody steps on. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
highanxiety Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 (edited) 7 hours ago, RiverLight said: Thanks, Lauryn! I can relate to your guilt --- I am falling behind in my coursework because of my twisted evil boss. I have not done any studying this week because of it and need to catch up. I do hope you feel better soon and can get some writing done! So it's official. I think I am going crazy. I am also making myself sick to my stomach. I am reading about NPD abuse & this is what I have suffered under my boss's tyrannical reign. Disagree with a narcissist and you get their rage. Threaten their ego/sense of security in any way, you get their rage. This is what has been happening. She has been raging against me, and I think I have finally and officially lost it. I have no strength left. She wins. I have officially been crushed. My whole spirit is crushed. If only I could sue her; if only I could take paid disability time. I want to take action against her. My own anger and rage is growing over the injustice. There is no one above her to go to; there is no HR dept. I have no rights here. I can't submit a complaint against her. I want to call the dept of labor. I am isolated and all alone with this. I am truly sickened. If I checked myself into a hospital perhaps then I could sue. I feel like the walking dead. Lifeless. My pulse is there but I am barely alive. Maybe I do belong in the hospital. I don't know. I need to be taken care of right now. I can't do this anymore. Wonder if I should check myself in. HI RiverLight: I think I may have commented about your concerns with your boss before. I sympathize with you because many of my bosses were narcissists. Those that were made my life pretty miserable, and the employees I was supervising. I don't think any employee should be submitted to this. When I knew the situation with my employer or supervisor was never going to change, I knew I had to do something because I was getting physically sick from the stress. In two cases I quit taking other jobs I had been recruited for. In another, I had another job pending but decided to talk with The Director of Stores who was making my life so miserable in person to tell him why I wanted to leave the company. His demeanor changed from attacking to sympathetic, gave me a new position with another store manager, and I ended up working 13 years with the company and liking my job. My take on it no one should have to deal with a consistently rude boss who bullies employees. If you see your supervisor not being replaced in the near future, or you have the ability to switch into another area not under her supervision, perhaps sticking with it would be worth it. But I get the sense this is not an option. I would suggest interviewing with other companies and see if you get a firm offer or offers when you have time off to do so. You really have nothing to lose and everything to gain. If you choose to confront or talk with the supervisor or their supervisor about your current working situation being intolerable, having a firm back up job offer is extremely important based on their response. You have ammunition, and they may give you the benefit of the doubt knowing you have other job offers. Most of us know the golden rule, never quit a job unless you have another job offer or back up. It is much harder getting hired without a job. Just a few suggestions. Ultimately you need to make the decision for yourself. But honestly if this job and supervisor is making you physically sick and more depressed, I think a change is necessary. It is just not worth the pain and torment. I wish you the best of luck on this. I feel you will find the right solution. Edited February 19, 2016 by highanxiety 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
My empire of dirt Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 (edited) 8 minutes ago, The_Unwanted said: meI feel like I'm a doormat everybody steps on. Same here!, if I had the guts I would blow my damn head off rightnow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This damn life isn't worth it, when theres no life to live, why the hell should I be alone when others have love and joy in their lives that they didn't deserve. Some of the most awful assclowds you will ever run into have that happiness and I and others like have nothing, how the hell is that fair?????????? Edited February 19, 2016 by My empire of dirt 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freckledface Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 ((The_Unwanted)) I'm sorry you feel that way. I have felt that way in my life before and it's no fun at all. ((My empire of dirt)) I'm so sorry to hear this. Hi everyone. Just stopping by to say Hi. I'm feeling Blah. Dr did a med increase and I've been sick lately with a sinus infection. Other than that, everything's pretty much the same (crap). Sending good thoughts to you all. ((((Hugs))) 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mulberrypie Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 Yes, like freckledface said, same here; sorry you guys are feeling so bad. You too, freckledface - Here are more ((((hugs)))) and good thoughts + best wishes to everyone - 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
highanxiety Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 Feel I'm having some sort of interaction between the medicines I take. I take quite a few for a number of different physical problems, not counting those for anxiety and depression. My doctor wants me to go off Wellbutrin 300mg and go on a newer antidepressant called Brintellix 10 mg. I read the side effects the first couple of weeks are pretty brutal but usually calm down. Kind of nervous about the switch, but he seems to feel my current regimen is not doing the trick. My insurance does not cover it, and I have to jump through several hoops getting a PA, and paying a lot out of pocket. My pharmacist suggested talking to my doctor about upping my Wellbutrin XL taking another 150 mg daily. Think I will see if I can try that first. Kind of been in a haze. I have so much to accomplish but no energy or even want to tackle it. Tomorrow is another day. Hopefully better. Trying to just live day by day instead of worrying about the past or the future. But live for the present. Won't be an easy task for me! Best wishes to all. 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
One More Red Nightmare Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 Not happy this thread was moved from main forum. Think that's a mistake. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
duck Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 I am feeling lonely. I will never be happy but then that's negative thinking or is it the truth? I cannot see my life improving in any meaningful way. Death is the only solution. All my enemies will be happy when I die. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
My empire of dirt Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 1 minute ago, duck said: I am feeling lonely. I will never be happy but then that's negative thinking or is it the truth? I cannot see my life improving in any meaningful way. Death is the only solution. All my enemies will be happy when I die. Almost 6 am and i'm wide awake with splitting headache. btw its negative thinking but what else is there to think about when your down? 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RiverLight Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 8 hours ago, highanxiety said: HI RiverLight: I think I may have commented about your concerns with your boss before. I sympathize with you because many of my bosses were narcissists. Those that were made my life pretty miserable, and the employees I was supervising. I don't think any employee should be submitted to this. When I knew the situation with my employer or supervisor was never going to change, I knew I had to do something because I was getting physically sick from the stress. In two cases I quit taking other jobs I had been recruited for. In another, I had another job pending but decided to talk with The Director of Stores who was making my life so miserable in person to tell him why I wanted to leave the company. His demeanor changed from attacking to sympathetic, gave me a new position with another store manager, and I ended up working 13 years with the company and liking my job. My take on it no one should have to deal with a consistently rude boss who bullies employees. If you see your supervisor not being replaced in the near future, or you have the ability to switch into another area not under her supervision, perhaps sticking with it would be worth it. But I get the sense this is not an option. I would suggest interviewing with other companies and see if you get a firm offer or offers when you have time off to do so. You really have nothing to lose and everything to gain. If you choose to confront or talk with the supervisor or their supervisor about your current working situation being intolerable, having a firm back up job offer is extremely important based on their response. You have ammunition, and they may give you the benefit of the doubt knowing you have other job offers. Most of us know the golden rule, never quit a job unless you have another job offer or back up. It is much harder getting hired without a job. Just a few suggestions. Ultimately you need to make the decision for yourself. But honestly if this job and supervisor is making you physically sick and more depressed, I think a change is necessary. It is just not worth the pain and torment. I wish you the best of luck on this. I feel you will find the right solution. Hey Highanxiety, Thanks sooooo very much for such a thoughtful and sympathetic reply! So greatly appreciated!!!!! Unfortunately, she is the company owner, it's a very small company with few employees and there's no other area for me to move into. There's not even an HR dept! Or anyone else who supervises me -- just her. My only option is to leave. And as you said, it's much harder to find a job when you don't have one, which I've gone through before and it sure is the truth! I regrouped myself last night and came up with a new plan. I've rearranged my original plan to now find another job ASAP and place that as my top priority. It will need to be another work from home job, which I think will be easier to obtain. At least I hope so. I won't have to take off time from work to interview and it widens my options. The conversations I had with my boss this week sent me over the edge. The fact that I went to ER as a result just says it all to me in big, bright flashing neon letters --- LEAVE THE JOB. Narcissism I think is one of the most difficult personality disorders to deal with. Tear your hair out impossible is really the descriptor. And like you said, these types of bosses make everyone miserable. I have been wondering why I am her target though, seemingly above everyone else. I've disagreed with her and offered different ways of doing things, so I think I've stepped on her enormous ego. I've also read that empathetic people are easy targets. I am praying to the high heavens that a suitable job lands on my plate, despite not being quite ready and not having finished my coursework in the specialization I want to move into. If anyone believes in prayer, please send one my way for a better job.... I'd so appreciate it. My sanity and mental health are at stake with this crazy woman. I cannot face her wrath another time. Thank you so very very much again!!! HUGS!!!! 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buttermybiscuit Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 Had a panic attack or anxiety attack this morning, don't know the difference. So I kinda finally told my mom what's going on, but I don't know what to do from here. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mulberrypie Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 (edited) 9 hours ago, duck said: I am feeling lonely. I will never be happy but then that's negative thinking or is it the truth? I cannot see my life improving in any meaningful way. Death is the only solution. All my enemies will be happy when I die. (((((((duck))))))) besides you being a so much better quality person than your enemies, they would still be miserable, because they sure sound like miserable people. Besides, you don't want to make them happy anyhow. And you would be very, very missed by your friends, who would be shocked and devastated if something happened to you!! Edited February 19, 2016 by mulberrypie adding to post 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RiverLight Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 1 hour ago, LaurynJcat said: (((((((RiverLight)))))) I don't know what to tell you regarding checking yourself in. Do it if you feel it will help. I would also recommend recording your future conversations with her if you haven't done so already, in case you need to sue her later. It's such a shame she has put you in this state. I don't know what the situation where you live is with unemployment, but here you can only collect it if you're laid off, not if you're fired or if you quit. However, there are exceptions made for abusive workplaces. You might want to look into that. I hope you can get out of the situation with her soon. Has your therapist given you any tools for dealing with her? I expect you may have problems in the future even after you're out of the situation, because she has traumatized you. I had a few bad bosses who left me with lingering anxiety about authority figures. (((((((hugs))))))) edited to say I just read your new plan and it sounds good. Wishing you well Thanks so much Lauryn. I've backed down from the ledge and don't need to go to inpatient, thankfully. I don't think you can get unemployment here if you're fired either, unless you can prove it was a hostile work environment (which I can prove in writing). I'm not going to sue --- that will ruin the chance of a reference from her, if I still even get a positive one at this point. Though I would love to see her face some repercussions. There is no justice or repercussion in this case. I'm seeing my therapist Tue who can probably help me cope. I do feel traumatized. Her poisonous venom-filled words are still reverberating and haunting me, but I am trying to be thicker skinned by understanding she is the one with the problem, not me. I am searching for jobs right now, during work hours. Screw it. I have stopped caring. I'm glad you had a good writers' group and received helpful feedback on your novel. Know that you are a beautiful person... all those surface level beautiful people out there may not even be half as beautiful as you are on the inside! Inner beauty is the most wealthy you can be, in my opinion. HUGS!!! 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marie241 Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 I feel like I'm trying to sabotage myself. I'm on my computer when I know I've been on too long already. Mindfulness meditation really helps, yet I've not been doing it. At least I managed to eat at a reasonable time today. I just want to be well, particularly physically. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
salparadise6132 Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 I am so anxious, all of a sudden. After a couple of good days. I just don't know why. I think is because I have gone dark on the dating sites because I realize that I am in no position to have a girlfriend financially. I am projecting loneliness forward until the end of my life. I know it's probably not going to happen that way, but it feels like it will. Plus, I had a social interaction fail today at work LOL I started to tell a joke in front of someone I never talk to and forgot what I was going to say. The people in the circle looked at me like I was from outer space. It's a minor thing, but sometimes I have trouble shaking stuff like that off. On the plus side, my writing is going well and I finished a report I have been working on at work. I am going to do a little meditation and a workout before I go get my kids. Cheers, all Brian 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
One More Red Nightmare Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 Move this thread back to the main forum, please! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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