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Lindsay

The Post Anything Thread (2)

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The night is cold today.. The wind... The wind is eating my soul away.. To heat a tree is nothing, but to cut the ground is increasingly powerful to a tomorrow... Tomorrow that slays my sight into a million stars for the wolves to bleed in...

 

Yeah, I don't do poems.

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I went to ER the other night because of SI. I called a crisis line first, which really didn't help, & I was still in danger of harming myself so I had my boyfriend take me. This is all because of my stupid job which is making me beyond miserable.

Last night I searched for new jobs. I'm going to revise my resume and get going on this. Rearranging my priorities and plans. Enough is enough is enough. Mental health is far more important than trying to stick it out in some God awful job for the sake of longevity on my resume. 

At least I didn't harm myself, thank goodness.

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Hi RiverLight,

     I am so terribly sorry this happened to you.  We have spoken on chat sometimes about how terrible your job is.  Glad you are okay and didn't self harm.  You are such an inspiration to me and so many others here on the DF.  And you are one of the saints here in my opinion given your wonderful compassionate heart and help you offer to one and all.  Sure hope things improve for you job wise.  Its a privilege to know you.

Sincerely, Epictetus

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1 hour ago, Epictetus said:

Hi RiverLight,

     I am so terribly sorry this happened to you.  We have spoken on chat sometimes about how terrible your job is.  Glad you are okay and didn't self harm.  You are such an inspiration to me and so many others here on the DF.  And you are one of the saints here in my opinion given your wonderful compassionate heart and help you offer to one and all.  Sure hope things improve for you job wise.  Its a privilege to know you.

Sincerely, Epictetus

Thank you so much, Epictetus, that is one of the sweetest and kindest things anyone has ever said to me. Your support and kind words are so appreciated! It is a great privilege to know you as well. You have such a kind heart and soul. I am so glad to know you. Big cyber hugs, and hope to see you on chat again soon! :hugs:

:icon12:,

River

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On 2/21/2016 at 2:20 AM, TopekaK said:

I signed off, but still showed up as active.  What am I doing or not doing? 

I'm having the same issue.

I swear, if my neighbor continues to disrespect me and disturb my peace, I'm taking matters into my own hands. I'm sick right now and am not dealing with this crap.

 

~ KS

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First proactive step: I am hiring a professional resume writer and am taking three "sick" days off from work..

really more mental health days. I told my boss it is a medical issue. I called employment lawyers too. I can take legal action against her for discrimination against my mental health disability, but I may choose not to since I need her good reference in the future. It is good to at least know my legal rights.

My therapist and psych doctor suggested partial inpatient treatment, but I don't know if I can do it. 5-6 hours of intense therapy every day. Plus I am not covered insurance-wise for mental health leave.

I don't know if I can return to work on Friday and may need to resign. I know I am traumatized. My PTSD has been really triggered. Yesterday I was physically shaking over the thought that my boss may reprimand me again. It is good to take some time off.

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Can a boss fire you, if you say something back, like "Shut up, I'm doing the best I can"? I mean if it's actually allowed to fire someone for that reason. I've always wondered what employers are allowed to say... I guess much more than people think.

 

Also, what kind of coffee do you all drink? Instant coffee or ground beans put into water, then boiled?

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Good question! I know with an employment at will arrangement that an employer can fire you for literally anything and you have no legal rights. I would imagine if you told your boss to shut up that there would be some sort of reprimand or warning given since you're not supposed to talk back to or disrespect a boss. But I've learned that employees really have few rights when it comes to how they are being treated. At least in the U.S.

I never drink instant coffee. Dunkin' Donuts take home ground. =)
 

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People honestly believe that I come from a family of millionaires, that my wallet's full of cash, and that I suffer from some sort of mental disease they personally made up.

In reality my family is poor. I can't provide for myself. And I'm under the pressure where I can't afford failure because failure will mean continuing to be stuck in a bad environment. And a bad environment will mean more mental health problems that society can keep twisting up into more stupid assumptions. And though all of this, I need to look like I'm having a blast, just to receive consideration when I need anything at all.

No wonder there's so much depression.

Edited by The_Unwanted

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Latest update: I am filing for workers compensation benefits and am not working because of my bully of a boss. The stress has lessened, but my depression and anxiety are high. I could be facing a legal battle. I don't know what's ahead and I'm scared.

I can't accomplish much these days except post on DF and sit on chat with others here. It's nice to have some company and friends while I am going through this ridiculous mess.

((((((hugs)))) to everyone here.

 

Edited by RiverLight

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31 minutes ago, Waffles said:

I'm crazy. I'm weird. I'm anxious, I'm stupid. I'm misunderstood, I'm grumpy, I'm frustrated, I'm confused, I'm disappointed, I'm guilty, I'm stressed, I'm rejected, I'm AAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!! :bomb:

Awwwwww, ((((((((((((((((Waffles))))))))))))) sending massive hugs from afar!

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Today, I watched the sanitation trucks move my trash container in such a manner that the container was not where it was set before, and in such a manner as to make it impossible for their machines to grab it and lift it for trash-emptying.

Also, instead of having the recycling bin dumped by a human into the recycling truck, their machine dumped it.

What is going on? New crew? New policies? This is strange.

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"Life's pressure is equal to
your resistance.
Your grief has endless time. Your
sadness is bottomless, your worries
are relentless.  Your resentment is
unquenchable. Your fears are
unmovable.  Every dimension of your
suffering will instruct you, until you
have learned your essential lessons."
- .Bryant T. McGill

"Every dimension . . . "  I wonder if this is true.  If it is, life is a painful workshop.

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Survivalist

I will survive..
By sheer will and determination
I will pick myself back up again
And live the life I am meant to
Life can go on, life will go on
I have survived many crises,
Many heartaches, many losses,
Many catastrophes
And will continue to
I am strong
i am powerful, by sheer will
To continue on
Strength lies within
Always and forever
It is always there for me whenever needed
I just need to see it, grab it and hold on
This roller coaster will end
And I will be OK, as I always AM

I am the river of life
Life itself
I will flow over and around the jagged rocks
They cannot stop or ruin me
I will survive
By sheer will and determination
I will survive

~Poem by RiverLight


 

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43 minutes ago, womanofthelight said:

"Life's pressure is equal to
your resistance.
Your grief has endless time. Your
sadness is bottomless, your worries
are relentless.  Your resentment is
unquenchable. Your fears are
unmovable.  Every dimension of your
suffering will instruct you, until you
have learned your essential lessons."
- .Bryant T. McGill

"Every dimension . . . "  I wonder if this is true.  If it is, life is a painful workshop.

It is a painful workshop. I just wonder what the lesson is that we're supposed to learn.  Is perseverance in the face of pain and despair a virtue in itself?  Are we rewarded for it in the afterlife?  Nobody has the answer. 

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