I'm new, but have been lurking for a few weeks

[PenguinKnight]

Hello everyone,

I'm new to this forum and depression. I was always told I was a happy child growing up, but underneath it all I had insecurity always lurking behind me. I have come from strict parents and a very religious background. All that led to a slew of low self-esteem, performance anxiety, self-doubt, and panic attacks. Also, being a female in my household meant to be quiet. I always thought of those as being humble, but not anymore.

I'm 29 years old now and trying to finish schoolwork to start on my career. In my last two years, I've been a nervous wreck. I didn't know what a panic attack was. I didn't know my extreme anxiety made it difficult for me to study and hold information in my head. It wasn't until recently that everything made sense to me. Lightheadedness. Dizziness. Heart pounding. Throat tight. Difficulty breathing. 

So, it became a trainwreck. I was a trainwreck. I spiraled. I was told I had depression. I was told to take meds. My life is currently just inches away from being flushed into a dark, smelly abyss called the "Toilet of Life".

Well, I'm medicated, now. I've only been on Zoloft for 12 days and I can't believe how easy it is for me to type this up. I am leaving a lot of details out (crying/despair/loneliness/helplessness/hoplessness), but my mind can't remember a lot of it (selective amnesia?). Also, I wouldn't have registered to this forum without this med mellowing me out. I'm still in the nasty side-effects phase, so, please bear with me in the future if I do talk about feeling crappy while on this med.

Like a lot of others on this med, I do feel like my soul was sucked out by Hades, but at least I'm not overcome by dread of the next day. ...For now.

Nice to meet you all. 

Edited February 15, 2016 by PenguinKnight

[20YearsandCounting]

Welcome to DF, penguinknight.  ((hugs))  I'm sorry you've had such a tough time, but I'm glad that you've found meds that seem to work for you, and I'm glad that you found your way here. Please be free to share what you are feeling, that's what we're here for! 

[PenguinKnight]

1 hour ago, 20YearsandCounting said:

Welcome to DF, penguinknight.  ((hugs))  I'm sorry you've had such a tough time, but I'm glad that you've found meds that seem to work for you, and I'm glad that you found your way here. Please be free to share what you are feeling, that's what we're here for! 

*hugs back* Thank you :) I certainly hope that I can also help give words of encouragement to those who need it :)

[KnotHear]

Yes. Zoloft is a wonderful drug for myself. I was on it for years, but switched to Celexa to just to help reduce the weight gain. Helped some with the weight, but affected my sex drive on the 40 mg, while Zoloft never did. Went on 20 mg of Celexa, wasn't depressed and still controlled my anxiety well, but it didn't make me feel as happy as Zoloft did. I have scheduled an appointment and will be going back on Zoloft.

Edited February 16, 2016 by KnotHear

[PenguinKnight]

6 hours ago, KnotHear said:

Yes. Zoloft is a wonderful drug for myself. I was on it for years, but switched to Celexa to just to help reduce the weight gain. Helped some with the weight, but affected my sex drive on the 40 mg, while Zoloft never did. Went on 20 mg of Celexa, wasn't depressed and still controlled my anxiety well, but it didn't make me feel as happy as Zoloft did. I have scheduled an appointment and will be going back on Zoloft.

Nice to hear more feedback about zoloft. I was debating about switching to another AD but I'll stick with it for a bit longer. I just started taking it at 7pm and I feel that it helps so much with the fatigue. 

Stay strong and hope you have better days with zoloft :)