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Sex & Mental Health (So Confused)


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Bolt_On, very well summed up.

I can say that lack of communication and lack of emotional connection just **** it for me. And when you partner doesn't even comprehend this, it's nothing but problems all over.

i feel like that is probaly why I never had sex people don,t emotionally connect with me even if I try to with them I feel like im looking thru a one way mirror alot of the time,people just don,t see me.i have trying to go to therapy to help me,but its like no one can get thru to me and I can,t get thru to them.i just feel like a empty maniquin I have no idea how to fix it I try to be more warm because I have had people really dislike me in the past,this is the main issue I get depressed over and I don,t think any meds or therapy can ever take the pain away and disconnection I feel constantly I feel so frustrated.Maybe I don,t connect with other people either

 

Im sorry if im being narasstic by talking about myself I am just so embrassed off talking about it,its hard for me to bring it up with my therapist.,its nice to vent here I don,t think im a bad person and don,t think other people our either everyone just drifts away from me i don,t know what to do to hold peoples interest,I just feel like I don,t have the energy to do it,I just want to connect with people naturally like every other human being can,I felt like my date went so well the first time we talked for 4 hours in a coffe shop and then had lunch in olvie garden for another date.I made sure to say good morning to her and ask heeer about her day and she just stopped answering me Im used to it now so its like meh whatever.

 

I resent people so much that have these things come to them as easy as breathing im sorry again for making myself the focus of attention,I shouldn,t be on here but im so upset and feel so inferior to everyone else my age I don,t know who else to say it to because I will be shunned if I tell anyone in real life,even in outpatient when I told this stuff people looked at me like I had a tumor on my face,and I couldn,t relate to anyone there and I felt like none of my problems got solved that much.

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Scienceguy: don't worry about venting--it's what we are all doing here! And I think therapy really is a good start to make connection with people. I'm actually one of those people who have trouble getting close to someone too, and therapy helped me a lot. Therapists are human beings too, and they are usually easier to deal with than other people, because you don't have to worry about too many things. Start there, and when you feel more comfortable talking to your therapist, you may find it a little easier to connect with other people. It doesn't happen overnight. It doesn't happen if you practice magic for a week. But things do get better as long as you don't lose faith.

 

Teddy: I so agree with you! It is indeed like a gamble, and it's usually traumatizing...

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Scienceguy: don't worry about venting--it's what we are all doing here! And I think therapy really is a good start to make connection with people. I'm actually one of those people who have trouble getting close to someone too, and therapy helped me a lot. Therapists are human beings too, and they are usually easier to deal with than other people, because you don't have to worry about too many things. Start there, and when you feel more comfortable talking to your therapist, you may find it a little easier to connect with other people. It doesn't happen overnight. It doesn't happen if you practice magic for a week. But things do get better as long as you don't lose faith.

 

Teddy: I so agree with you! It is indeed like a gamble, and it's usually traumatizing...

its helping I feel comfortable talking to my therpist I have been in therapy for probaly about two years now I did group therapy to for 6 months four hours a day and felt pretty comfortable there to,im stressed out because I feel like I should not be emotionally dyfunctional still after getting so much therapy,I don,t even know myself still after all this thinking self help books and therapy.i do think  its very important to form a connection with others.im confused about whether im the one not connecting to people or there not connecting to me,I feel like I have connected with my therpist I have been seeing for about a year and a half.I brought this upp before but I feel like the chracter in the pink flyod album the wall,I don,t know if you ever heard that before,its a great piece of music though that tells the story of someone with extreme intimacy problems that eventually loses his mind from being so emotionally isolated from everyone around him.

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So what do you all think about this? Do you think that sexual wellbeing is essential to one's mental health? Can a person live a happy (or at least not so depressed) life with the mere help of good sex? But isn't it hard to find a relationship that's both emotionally and sexually wholesome? It's hard enough to find someone you can love and trust! It's really depressing to think that one's life is controlled by sex, and not having a good sex life makes one inferior.

 

I know I'm a bit late to the thread, but one of the things I've noticed in recent years is that more and more people seem to want to *give* sex to someone else.  One simple example is performing oral sex.  On sites like Craigslist there are far more people who seek to *give* oral than those who want to get it.  On its face this would seem to fly in the face of conventional wisdom which would suggest that people should want sexual gratification. But to me this atually makes some sense....

 

A person who performs a sexual act for someone else (IE, 'pleasuring' someone else orally or what have you) is doing it for the personal *mental* gratification.  Or in short, they want to be appreciated.  They want to be thanked.  They want to be told that they 'did good'.  Of course this all falls apart when you end up with more people seeking to GIVE than to receive.  Which is somewhat surprising in today's society.

 

With depression, this is something that I have seen many depressed people doing, since I think a depressed person would get more out of the mental stroking from 'giving' than the physical sensation of receiving.  Since physical pleasure tends to be 'dulled' in those who are depressed, it's no wonder some people would make this choice. 

 

I can't see a depressed person being controlled by sex, since I can't see a depressed person getting enough pleasure out of it to make it something they get 'addicted' to.  But I do think there are benefits to sex, less from the sex itself, and more from the intimate human contact. 

 

Or to put it simply, we all want to be held sometimes.

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