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Broken


lp44

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Its ok to get help from others when you feel you cant help yourself ip. Others like callie :) It doesnt mean you are broken even if you feel that way, You are just in crises and need help.

But it's pretty hard to do when you can't even articulate your needs because you aren't quite sure what they even are.
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Its ok to get help from others when you feel you cant help yourself ip. Others like callie :) It doesnt mean you are broken even if you feel that way, You are just in crises and need help.

But it's pretty hard to do when you can't even articulate your needs because you aren't quite sure what they even are.

 

This sounds like what I am going through right now. And then try to explain it to someone who is getting confused because of how you are. I also feel broken and I am not exactly sure why.

 

I told my husband that it's probably because of years of ignoring my own needs and wants, trying to help everyone else, putting yourself aside. And his response... "So you have been lying to me all these years?" What can I reply? No? Yes? I don't know? And then I am just more confused, more broken..

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Its ok to get help from others when you feel you cant help yourself ip. Others like callie :) It doesnt mean you are broken even if you feel that way, You are just in crises and need help.

But it's pretty hard to do when you can't even articulate your needs because you aren't quite sure what they even are.

This sounds like what I am going through right now. And then try to explain it to someone who is getting confused because of how you are. I also feel broken and I am not exactly sure why.

I told my husband that it's probably because of years of ignoring my own needs and wants, trying to help everyone else, putting yourself aside. And his response... "So you have been lying to me all these years?" What can I reply? No? Yes? I don't know? And then I am just more confused, more broken..

Feeling lost,

I hope you clearly understand that really wasn't an ok response. Grant it... Perhaps a response out of fear, yes. However, not a supportive statement at all.

Sorry you know this feeling.

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I heard a quote by Earnest Hemingway once,

 

The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places. But those that will not break it k*lls. It k*lls the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially. If you are none of these you can be sure it will k*ll you too but there will be no special hurry.

 

What it means is that we can't fix ourselves until we know we are broken.  It is the broken who have a chance to heal.  Those who do not know or refuse to break will suffer a worse fate.  I was feeling broken myself yesterday and not feeling very strong in my broken spots but I know that I can patch them up.  You know you are broken, that is the first step.  It might now be time to try and investigate and see why.  Mindfulness has helped me learn to hear my inner dialogue which has given me clues to my self image issues which lead to self rejection.  What are your daily thoughts telling you? How are your daily thoughts defining you and your world?  Feeling broken is a horrible place to find yourself but knowing that you are is the first step towards recovery.  Now just start asking yourself why, where is the hurt and see if you can reveal the lies that have led you to this painful state so that you can turn them around.  Stay strong.  You can get better.  Hugs.

Edited by Michelle38
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IP. thats jolly hard and I know the feeling. I guess we just have to find the words as we can and practice discovering how we feel. I think its one of the most destructive things about certain types of parenting or lack of it. And as  a side issue a major cause of eds. 

 

There is a quite technical ed book I read a long time ago that put some of it into words that I appreciated. Called Lost For Words. 

 

Michelle that touched me. 

Edited by Fizzle
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I heard a quote by Earnest Hemingway once,

The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places. But those that will not break it k*lls. It k*lls the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially. If you are none of these you can be sure it will k*ll you too but there will be no special hurry.

What it means is that we can't fix ourselves until we know we are broken. It is the broken who have a chance to heal. Those who do not know or refuse to break will suffer a worse fate. I was feeling broken myself yesterday and not feeling very strong in my broken spots but I know that I can patch them up. You know you are broken, that is the first step. It might now be time to try and investigate and see why. Mindfulness has helped me learn to hear my inner dialogue which has given me clues to my self image issues which lead to self rejection. What are your daily thoughts telling you? How are your daily thoughts defining you and your world? Feeling broken is a horrible place to find yourself but knowing that you are is the first step towards recovery. Now just start asking yourself why, where is the hurt and see if you can reveal the lies that have led you to this painful state so that you can turn them around. Stay strong. You can get better. Hugs.

This was indeed beautiful. I can tell you really get it Michelle. My inner dialogue hates me, is confused, and mostly sees no way out. I'm not a quitter. I have resolve and fight. I just don't know how much longer I can feel this intense, ya know?

Thank you :)

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IP. thats jolly hard and I know the feeling. I guess we just have to find the words as we can and practice discovering how we feel. I think its one of the most destructive things about certain types of parenting or lack of it. And as a side issue a major cause of eds.

There is a quite technical ed book I read a long time ago that put some of it into words that I appreciated. Called Lost For Words.

Michelle that touched me.

Thank you Fizzle. I'll keep the book in mind. My T recommend one during the last session. I really can hardly handle it. I can only do very small doses. It's very triggering and makes me almost not rational.

I just don't know that I can do this. It's so hard and so hopeless feeling too much of the time.

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I heard a quote by Earnest Hemingway once,

The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places. But those that will not break it k*lls. It k*lls the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially. If you are none of these you can be sure it will k*ll you too but there will be no special hurry.

What it means is that we can't fix ourselves until we know we are broken. It is the broken who have a chance to heal. Those who do not know or refuse to break will suffer a worse fate. I was feeling broken myself yesterday and not feeling very strong in my broken spots but I know that I can patch them up. You know you are broken, that is the first step. It might now be time to try and investigate and see why. Mindfulness has helped me learn to hear my inner dialogue which has given me clues to my self image issues which lead to self rejection. What are your daily thoughts telling you? How are your daily thoughts defining you and your world? Feeling broken is a horrible place to find yourself but knowing that you are is the first step towards recovery. Now just start asking yourself why, where is the hurt and see if you can reveal the lies that have led you to this painful state so that you can turn them around. Stay strong. You can get better. Hugs.

This was indeed beautiful. I can tell you really get it Michelle. My inner dialogue hates me, is confused, and mostly sees no way out. I'm not a quitter. I have resolve and fight. I just don't know how much longer I can feel this intense, ya know?

Thank you :)

 

You do realize it is all lies you know.  These ideas you have in your head about yourself, your worth and/or your badness are all lies that have developed from your experiences along the way.  But they have no bearing on who you are as a person or even deeper your soul.  Being human is hard.  We slip up and fail sometimes, sometimes a lot of times, but none of that defines our true nature as pure beings just having a human experience.  It's important to stop identifying with those parts of you that you don't like and put more focus on those parts of you that you can feel proud of.  The fighter in you who refuses to quit is a good example of your strength.  The ability to withstand the horrible pain of self rejection is another testament to your strength and bravery.  For me it is like someone is stabbing me in the heart and all I want to do is run from it but only stopping and confronting it has helped me see the dark spot that was haunting me my whole life that I tried to run like mad from as my own self rejection being reflected back to me when life treated me as though I didn't count.  What is important now is for you to try and make the decision to refuse to see yourself that way.  To refuse to tear yourself apart when something goes wrong or life is discounting you.  Simply tell your brain to shut the heck up and it will help the pain ease up a bit.  The really painful down times may not last as long and then you may be able to start to rebuild your self image and start to, in the minimum, treat yourself with kindness and compassion.  There is a mantra I am using now that is helping me and may help you.  I say this to myself often,  There is never a good reason to tear myself down.    No one on this planet wants you to hate yourself.  If they do then they have bigger issues of their own.  Try to find your way to being more of a friend to yourself than an enemy and things will lighten up a bit.   I know I don't deserve the horrible condemnation I have put upon myself and I know you don't either.  It can be hard to turn around and it may be quite some time before we shout our praises on the rooftop but a big first step to feeling better is refusing to let the enemy side have the louder voice.  It's had it's say and done its damage but enough is enough.  Sending you extra (((Hugs))). 

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I heard a quote by Earnest Hemingway once,

The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places. But those that will not break it k*lls. It k*lls the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially. If you are none of these you can be sure it will k*ll you too but there will be no special hurry.

What it means is that we can't fix ourselves until we know we are broken. It is the broken who have a chance to heal. Those who do not know or refuse to break will suffer a worse fate. I was feeling broken myself yesterday and not feeling very strong in my broken spots but I know that I can patch them up. You know you are broken, that is the first step. It might now be time to try and investigate and see why. Mindfulness has helped me learn to hear my inner dialogue which has given me clues to my self image issues which lead to self rejection. What are your daily thoughts telling you? How are your daily thoughts defining you and your world? Feeling broken is a horrible place to find yourself but knowing that you are is the first step towards recovery. Now just start asking yourself why, where is the hurt and see if you can reveal the lies that have led you to this painful state so that you can turn them around. Stay strong. You can get better. Hugs.

This was indeed beautiful. I can tell you really get it Michelle. My inner dialogue hates me, is confused, and mostly sees no way out. I'm not a quitter. I have resolve and fight. I just don't know how much longer I can feel this intense, ya know?

Thank you :)

You do realize it is all lies you know. These ideas you have in your head about yourself, your worth and/or your badness are all lies that have developed from your experiences along the way. But they have no bearing on who you are as a person or even deeper your soul. Being human is hard. We slip up and fail sometimes, sometimes a lot of times, but none of that defines our true nature as pure beings just having a human experience. It's important to stop identifying with those parts of you that you don't like and put more focus on those parts of you that you can feel proud of. The fighter in you who refuses to quit is a good example of your strength. The ability to withstand the horrible pain of self rejection is another testament to your strength and bravery. For me it is like someone is stabbing me in the heart and all I want to do is run from it but only stopping and confronting it has helped me see the dark spot that was haunting me my whole life that I tried to run like mad from as my own self rejection being reflected back to me when life treated me as though I didn't count. What is important now is for you to try and make the decision to refuse to see yourself that way. To refuse to tear yourself apart when something goes wrong or life is discounting you. Simply tell your brain to shut the heck up and it will help the pain ease up a bit. The really painful down times may not last as long and then you may be able to start to rebuild your self image and start to, in the minimum, treat yourself with kindness and compassion. There is a mantra I am using now that is helping me and may help you. I say this to myself often, There is never a good reason to tear myself down. No one on this planet wants you to hate yourself. If they do then they have bigger issues of their own. Try to find your way to being more of a friend to yourself than an enemy and things will lighten up a bit. I know I don't deserve the horrible condemnation I have put upon myself and I know you don't either. It can be hard to turn around and it may be quite some time before we shout our praises on the rooftop but a big first step to feeling better is refusing to let the enemy side have the louder voice. It's had it's say and done its damage but enough is enough. Sending you extra (((Hugs))).

Michelle... My goodness what a post. Thank you. Academically, logically ? Honestly I'm pretty sure I could be a therapist with a decent success rate. A therapist with excellent validation and compassion skills. I feel like sometimes I have too much academic knowledge.

I wall myself off from my knowledge most of the time, thinking I absolutely must pay penance for very existence or something.

I'm in therapy. My therapist is excellent.

Perhaps in time.

Thank you again.

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Gosh sorry to hear the book is triggering. That is very unhelpful. Do you want to share which one it is? I think personal accounts ed wise cam be horrribly bad in that regard sometimes. I am lucky now as am rid of about 95 % of mine but some still remain. I still wouldnt go near many. The book I mentioned may not be the right read at the moment for you when you have so much going on. Its also neither practical nor personal. Rather a little dry and academic which Im afraid is a tendency I have to help me feel distanced and safe while I gather info, 

 

If you can then try to remind yourself that feelings wont **** you and that they are normal response to horrible situations. Its ok to feel pain if that makes sense. As truly intolerable as that is. I think its part of what keeps us stuck. We develop ways of managing overwhelm that were the best we could do and it takes some practice getting used to different ways of doing things. And it can be a little like taking the lid off of a pressure cooker. Hang in there if you can, 

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IP. I can relate, as can many others by the looks! I'm new to posting on this forum (finally signed up today) but over the years I have taken much comfort from these posts. Just knowing that there are others out there going through something similar has comforted me during some pretty s### times. The empathy and support on this forum is something special. 

 

You know, I think it's really brave to share that you're feeling broken. And I also think it's ok to feel that way. I've been going through a flabbergastingly awful (for want of a more satisfying f word) time of late due in part to medication changes. I'm feeling utterly defeated, overwhelmed, exhausted, angry, useless, terrified, depressed to my very bone marrow and yep, pretty ****** broken. 

 

I feel like my depression and anxiety is slowly yet relentlessly stripping me of my identity/existence. From small constant reminders like having to avoid alcohol, caffeine and sugar, to the larger more disruptive consequences like pulling out of work and social commitments at the last minute. It does whittle you down and your comment "One just wonders sometimes how much more they really do have inside them to fight" remark really resonates with me and also scares the cr**p out of me.

 

I wish I could say something to take away your pain, but if I had the answers I guess I wouldn't be feeling this way myself! I hope you can do something really nice for yourself today, even if it's putting on a nice fresh set of bed sheets before diving under the covers! 

 

xxx

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