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Babycakes12

Poor Body Image

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For as long as I can remember, I've hated my body. I have always thought i'm fat, ugly, and just undesirable. After I had my daughter, i was 235 pounds. For 2.5 years, I stayed that way. Then last summer, I lost 50 pounds. I was back to my pre-baby weight, FINALLY. I thought that is what i needed to love myself and to feel beautiful. I soon found out, that my feelings didn't change.

To this day, i am 180 pounds and I think I am disgusting. My body is in no way, shape or form in shape. I am flabby and stretched out. sometimes i cant even tell what is fat and what is extra skin. I feel like my face is thinner and that has boosted my confidence. But its still ugly.

I have to shave my face. well, my upper lip and the side of my cheeks. But still. i cant stand doing it but i cant stand seeing how nasty i look with hair. My boyfriend thinks im insane and he says i need to love myself. But he doesn't understand. Its not that simple. Hes 160 and 5,6. He used to have a big weight problem, before high school. So hes been there before. But hes never had to hate himself his whole life. He loves me and the way i look. im sure hed lick every part of my body. But because he is so attractive and thin, i have huge doubts that hes going to stay. We have been together for almost 3 years. I don't know why i would still have doubts. That's just the way my body effects my state of mind.

I almost feel bad for him. That sounds so, so crazy, but I can't help it. I look in the mirror and cry. Im revolting. I am hating this winter. I just want to get outdoors and try to get into shape. Ive been hiking in the snow i am so desperate for something. I just want to love myself and feel confident. I jut don't think that is ever going to happen.

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:console:

 

I hate my body too. My husband says I am beautiful but I just don't see it. I used to weigh 240, lost to 150 and now have regained part of it back. I am so unhappy in my own skin. I obsess over my weight. I am trying to workout everyday and cut back on my food intake but it is so difficult.

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You are ok. You are most certainly NOT disgusting. You said "pre-baby weight," which means you made a baby with your own body--THAT is amazing! Your body is capable of so many awesome things! 

 

This winter is difficult on me, too, for getting in shape (I'm in Ohio). Good for you for hiking in the snow! Being outdoors will not only help with your weight loss goals, but also help your mental state. I'm trying to be outside when I can, too, but it's difficult with the cold temps and SAD. 

 

I know it's really hard, but try not to compare yourself to your bf. Anyway, he can't make a baby with his body, right? :) I had difficulty trusting what my bf says, too, and I'm constantly worried he's going to leave me, so I can really relate. I'm trying to relax and take a "go with the flow" attitude, even though it is so, so hard. I hope you can do this, too, if even a little bit to give yourself a break. You deserve both his love and your own! Big hugs!

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