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Babycakes12

Ptsd/depression/anxiety

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I have suffered form depression and anxiety my whole life. But rescently something new has popped up after a few very stressful and traumatic months. losing my life, home, animals and leaving my mother at the age of 17. i am now 18 and I think I may be suffering from PTSD. the more I research it, the more sense it makes. So I have an appointment tomorrow to see if I can get diagnosed. But last night something weird happened. Around 3;30am I went to get my husband off of the couch and fell back asleep in bed with him. around 5:30, I woke up bawling. I was having a dream where I was back where I was a few months ago. Everything was the same, it felt like nothing ever happened. i shoot up and start having a panic attack. My SO was freaked out and tried calming me down. but i don't even think i knew what was going on at the time. I cant even escape my anxiety with sleep. Its always there. i feel like i can walk into my old home and nothing will be changed. like my dog max will be barking as i walk up the driveway. Going into my bedroom. all my stuff will still be there, exactly as it used to be. all before we moved. My daughter was impacted by this almost as much as i was. and it makes it worse. I wish i could get over things and except realitly. but life is so sad that i cant. i want to hold on to the smallest bit of home i have. but obviously nothing is going back to the way it used to be. Living with my husband, i was hopoing i would get happier. at least happier than  i was under my abusive mothers roof. and i should be. i have everything i could ever want. there is just something wrong with my brain and it needs fixed. wish me luck. i need answers.

thanks for listening

~S.

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For a long time I was diagnosed with boarder line personality disorder.  The more I read, the more it made sense.  Last year I was diagnosed with PTSD after taking a test.  I had a hard time swallowing that one down.  I didn't want to believe that this awful thing held so much sway over me.  I remember the first time I started going to groups with people that had PTSD.  I had the realization that this wasn't just something that would go away.  I too, can not escape the realism of it actually still happening.  I have bad dreams about it.  You mention acceptance.  A very difficult, and needed, part of it.

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Babycakes,

 

I'm so sorry that you're going through such a rough spot. I left home and 19 and nothing was ever the same for me. It turned out for the better but it took some time and a lot of lesson-learning. I hope that you and your family are able to find a spot that you feel you can recreate with new memories and new laughs. Praying for you guys. 

 

-Thornwell

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