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Intrusive Thoughts W/anxiety And Depression


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I've been down this road before and I'm trying to convince myself that I can't go back. Intrusive thoughts that keep playing in my head..and it seriously makes you question your sanity. Especially being that this is the second time. Everything started a couple of years ago, the thoughts came like a flood..things I know I wouldn't do but the simple fact that I had the thoughts led to extreme anxiety, and depression. Everything I once loved to do I had no desire to do. It was like I was in this deep dark hole that was so hard to come out of. Luckily through prayer, medication, therapy and family support I came out of it. Fast forward to two years later..I'm about to graduate college in a few months, in a relationship with the most amazing man.. Beautiful loving daughter, amazing family and friends like everything should be good right? But the thoughts just hit me one day like a slap in the face. I remember looking at someone's social media and saw them talking about the illuminati and I freaked out..then the thoughts came. Most of them are about violent things and it freaks me out to even write about this. But that's what it is. Things happening to those I love the most and caused by me. Everytime they come it's like I obsess over them and they replay over and over..like my mind won't shut off. Sometimes I feel like my mind is so foggy and bombarded.i also get really anxious, nervous, and scared questioning my sanity. The last time I had this issue I remember not being able to function. Literally taking off weeks from work..not engaging in any activities that I once loved, just sitting and being depressed. Often times I feel like my anxiety is HIGH. I won't have any thoughts but I feel like I'm having an anxiety attack..then the thoughts will come. One thing I'm doing differently now is not allowing myself to sit around and soak in it. I've still been trying to engage in things, going to work, etc..but it's like my mind won't stop and it's causing me to be trapped in this foggy space. I also googled different mental illnesses and that freaked me out as well..once again questioning my sanity. So tired of going through this. It's like I should be happy..but I'm not. I just want my old life back..the old me. Has anyone else experienced this?? Multiple times? Especially mothers? I have a child in grade school and I have to get over this for her as well as myself! I made an app with a doctor but it's a month away. I'm thinking about getting back on meds..but I honestly hate the side effects. I was so tired and out of it. Let me know please!

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Yes, I've experienced this, over and over and over again for days, weeks, and months at a time.  It's so destructive.  The stuff our minds can do to us. I'm so sorry that you are going through this!  I know that it is torturous, and that it feels like you can never get over or through it.

 

Have you ever tried to work with mindfulness in therapy?  Or with a mindfulness stress reduction course?  Or just a mindfulness tape?  It is the *only* thing that worked for me, after a great many years of the kind of thoughts you describe. I still get them sometimes, but they are much easier to just notice and let go now. I cannot begin to tell you the HUGE difference this made in my life.

 

If you're new to this, you can google Jon Kabat-Zinn and Mark Williams and find some good books and CDs.  Also, I'm not sure where you live, but there might be some resources in your community.  I highly recommend the 8 week MBSR course.  It's really worth it!

 

rhyl

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I went through a very similar phase as did many here, I believe. I had a deep fear of being locked up in a dungeon somewhere and tortured, possibly with my parents as well. I had this belief that my thoughts would eventually lead to my most dreadedful outcome. A lot of things became triggers and this didn't stop for at least a couple of months.

 

I'm still living with OCD, but never sought treatment. It's manageable now, but whenever my lifestyle goes off the rails so does my sanity, it seems. Lately I've been confined to living in a family friend's place out of the country, and that lack of control definitely contributed to the increased intensity in my symptoms. That fear of torture came back again with a bang. It wasn't so bad as last time. Rather it's always been there. It just resurfaced and forced me to rekindle our romance again (I hate to say it, but it's creepily appropriate). 

 

I know people have been successful in their combat against OCD. I've heard good things about mindfulness. I wouldn't totally rely on medication, as their side effects alone turn me away. Look into ERP as well, along with your healthcare professional. I am looking to book an appointment as well when I go back, and hopefully I'll be able to get a referal to a psychiatrist/psychologist. I''ll keep you updated! 

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  • 4 weeks later...

Going through the same thing now and actually trying to quit my meds because they are making me 'angry' (the notorious Luvox/Faverin).

I experience something similar and am in a fog these days, except when I have something interesting to do like Log in to the forums here which has in recent months made me suspect Adhd as another suspect (or comorbid) - which sucks, because I need to go to work too but can't as I have depression to deal with.

It's on and off, but seeing the doctor soon to maybe get Wellbutrin.

I'm also using some Adhd meds, which affect sleep at times so it's a bummer and i don't use it everyday.

 

Thank you for sharing though - I have ruminations (i dont know if they are called intrusive thoughts) and i just call it Pure-O ocd.

As you see i mentioned Adhd, so it seems complicated too. motivation is such a challenge to acquire no matter how much I try to work out or exercise.

 

That's why i quit a lot of Social Media, I never used facebook except downloading it last year in 2015 so i could log in to Tinder but that's about it.

I find them a distraction. I eat healthy; Oats in the morning, fruits, and the occasional treat of french fries, burgers. Lots of water.

 

Also, in my heart praying - although going through all this has made me disassociate with religion stuff. Just talking to the Universe, and you guys

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Good Morning Subliminal! Yes, I hate we go through this. It's like as soon as I feel like I can get my head above water..it comes back. My anxiety was through the roof yesterday. It's just so draining. I don't want to sink back into that space I was in 3 years ago to where I couldn't even function or enjoy the things I normally do. So I've been forcing myself to continue doing things..but this makes me wonder since I'm not sitting and soaking in this, does that make me crazy? I am currently studying mental health in my class right now and of course that triggers everything. I also pray ALOT, but sometimes I find it difficult to as well..but I still do..and reassure myself that everything will be fine. I was currently on Zoloft and Xantax, however I found that it not only made me very drowsy and in a constant fog but it also made my anxiety a bit worse. Currently about to go back on a higher dose of Zoloft and no Xantax. Stay strong and take everything day by day! I will keep you in my prayers! 

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On 2/11/2016 at 10:01 AM, ILoveMAC88 said:

Good Morning Subliminal! Yes, I hate we go through this. It's like as soon as I feel like I can get my head above water..it comes back. My anxiety was through the roof yesterday. It's just so draining. I don't want to sink back into that space I was in 3 years ago to where I couldn't even function or enjoy the things I normally do. So I've been forcing myself to continue doing things..but this makes me wonder since I'm not sitting and soaking in this, does that make me crazy? I am currently studying mental health in my class right now and of course that triggers everything. I also pray ALOT, but sometimes I find it difficult to as well..but I still do..and reassure myself that everything will be fine. I was currently on Zoloft and Xantax, however I found that it not only made me very drowsy and in a constant fog but it also made my anxiety a bit worse. Currently about to go back on a higher dose of Zoloft and no Xantax. Stay strong and take everything day by day! I will keep you in my prayers! 

Try taking the Zoloft in the evening. Worked for me for many years. Helped reduce the drowsiness I would feel around 10 or 11 AM.

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22 hours ago, KnotHear said:

Try taking the Zoloft in the evening. Worked for me for many years. Helped reduce the drowsiness I would feel around 10 or 11 AM.

Love the username!

For me Zoloft (Sertraline) made me feel like I had a weak bladder. although im still trying to figure out whether it's a co-morbidity 

but yea i heard it sometimes does help for ocd.

P.S. ILoveMAC88, i get you - it's a racing mind that doesnt seem to rest. as hard as it is, mindfulness can do things to alleviate.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Hi, 

 

I am in the same boat. I took flux for a good time and it made feel better. well fast forward and I had a lot of stress in my life and it got worse again. I am on day 3 of flux and it is hell. I will stay with family for a couple of weeks to not have to be alone. I just try to tell myself it will be better ... eventually

 

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Hello! I am 23 and have struggled with Intrusive thoughts since I was about 5 years old. I understand them very well and would like to help anyone who struggles with them.

Have you ever heard somebody use the phrase " a thought occured". We don't entirely choose the thoughts we have, we do to an extent, but if I tell you not to think about a pink elephant, you are likely going to think about a pink elephant to some degree. 

Your mind has to identify two things. What is right and what is wrong. By having a thought about your loved ones being hurt and experiencing anxiety you are simply reminding yourself what is important to you. The same goes fro having a happy thought and being happy! So do not feel like you are a bad person for having these thoughts. I went on about this more in this thread 


Well that's it for the spiritual side of things, but now onto how do you treat the suffering from having to think about these things all day.

I know it sound's cheesy, but Exercise REALLY helped me with this. Even going for a 20 minute walk outside (if you live in a nice plays) or on a treadmill will help your brain sort things out. two years ago I started running to deal with this. I run almost an hour a day and my anxiety has never been more manageable.

additionally Leafy greens like spinach, and vitamin rich foods like fruits and nuts (walnuts particulalry) give your brain extra processing power to help with anxiety and depression. Also try to get lots of deep sleep, don't look at a screen for an hour before you go to bed and try not to drink fluids 2 hours before bed. You will find yourself enjoying your hobbies so much you don't have time to even think about those bad thoughts! I even look forward to my 9-5 these days. 

Also listen to music that makes you happy. I really like upbeat optimistic trance music, avoid Rap, Punk and Heavy metal when you are feeling down. I really like this type of music.



I AM NOT A DOCTOR! So I cannot speak to anybody's use of medication but make sure you consult your doctor if you are considering stopping.


P.S. You mentioned you saw something about the Illumnatti on social media. Do your best not to use social media at all, but if you do (I mean I still do so im not judging) block those people the moment you see them. Social media causes us to feel like other people don't like us AND we occasionally stumble across nonsense conspiracy theories such as what you mentioned. Best of luck and let me know if I can help! :)

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  • 1 month later...

So basically I've been suffering from anxiety/depression (mainly due to intrusive thoughts) for about 10 years. It's an up/down repetitious situation. I've been able to manage it, but sometimes when i'm in compromising situation that'll cause the intrusive thoughts to tweak. My biggest intrusive thought prison is the thought of me becoming a drug addict, especially a crack head. I hate the term so bad. I've only smoke garden shrub less than seven times in my life, since it had an adverse reaction to me. I never did again. I do, however, drink and smoke cigarettes. It could me just watching a movie which consist of someone on drugs and my anxiety goes off. It's then my intrusive thoughts begin. Once it begins it then can take to few hours, days or months to get a handle of the wildly running thoughts of what if this happens to me or what if I act out on it. The reason for the fear is because I know to myself I don't want to ever become such a person nor do I want to try it. I won't even smoke illegal drug, nonetheless, any lethal substance. I know this, but these damn thoughts are every creeping on me. Mind you today isn't a good day, as the thoughts been racing through my mind for hours now. I know in time past whenever I read about other people's experiences or comments expressing the similarities with intrusive thoughts it makes me feel better. thus why I'm here. Also, it's always been one of my ways to get myself together. I find out it helps ease the thoughts when I speak or write of it. 

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I suffer from intrusive thoughts A LOT. It made me a hermit 90% of the time, because of that.

I fear:

Men, women, and children


Chocolate on the floor (because I have a dog)

People

Some bugs

Heights

Bright days (more like hate than fear, due to my Reverse SAD)

Thunderstorms (though I somewhat grew out of this)

Crowded spaces

Germs

Cancer
 

Bad food

Homeless people

Specific dairy

Bullying

Loneliness

abuse

Authority figures (i.e. parents, police, teachers, etc.)

Wasting my life

Not doing enough

Failure

Not good at subjects (i.e. math because of the bad teachers I had)

Chaos

Disorganization

Clutter

Facial/body hair

Opinions

 

 

 

 

 

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