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Gf Of 5 Years Left Me.


loiden

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I want to keep this short and sweet. Me and my girlfriend were together for 5 years. We had a great relationship and were best friends. I'm 24, she's 21. The past few months, she started hanging out with guy friends and sleeping over their houses numerous times a week. Drinks were involved.

 

Long story short, she kissed one of the guys, fell in sleep drunk with him and claims there was no sex. Yet, even though we are broken up and she acts like she still wants to fix things, she hangs out with these people still and falls asleep at their houses and pretty much ignores me and shows no interest to spend time with me. She claims the relationship ended because I started boring her (that hurts).

 

Lately, I've been drinking a lot and sometimes send countless texts ranting to her. I honestly feel lost and like I have no one. The more I rant to this girl and send her text the worse I feel about my self esteem...Does anyone have anything to say that could be helpful in this situation Im going through?

 

NOTE: I AM NOT ASKING FOR RELATIONSHIP ADVICE. THE RELATIONSHIP IS OVER. I just have had trouble being happy/moving on/accepting everything

Edited by loiden
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Hi, sorry you had a rude reply to your post. I would assume that this is exactly where you should post if this issue is effecting you mentally and emotionally as it seems to be!

Not much advice to give either, I recently went through something simular and I did the angry/emotional texts, I couldn't stop myslf no matter how awful I felt after when I got a negative reply or no reply at all. All I can tell you is that time has helped, speaking to my therapist, using cbt and mindfulness techniques to take my mind out of the negativity and impulse to contact him. It doesn't always work, I still miss him and want to pick up the phone but distractions and taking about it can help. So talking, positive distractions, oh and writing down in a journal what I want to say to him instead of actually saying it! Lol. Hope some of that is helpful.

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People with depression have a harder time dealing with relationship issues, among many other things so I can see why they would come here for advice. I'm really glad you came here for support, loiden. Losing a girlfriend can be very similar to the effects of grief, so I can sympathize with you. Have you been taking care of yourself? I know it's very hard to when you're feeling really down, but it will make you feel better. 

 

From personal experience, whenever I'm grieving the loss of a girlfriend, or even dealing with the pain of unrequited love, I throw myself into hobbies, volunteering, anything that can get my mind off the difficult topic. Don't get me wrong, dealing with the loss is very important, and I would definitely encourage you to seek out therapy if you haven't already, but sometimes distractions can be extremely helpful when you're dwelling on something. Do you have any hobbies you enjoy? 

 

I'm really sorry you're going through this. I hope you'll continue to reach out, and I'm telling you that it will get better with time! (hugs)

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I want to keep this short and sweet. Me and my girlfriend were together for 5 years. We had a great relationship and were best friends. I'm 24, she's 21. The past few months, she started hanging out with guy friends and sleeping over their houses numerous times a week. Drinks were involved.

 

Long story short, she kissed one of the guys, fell in sleep drunk with him and claims there was no sex. Yet, even though we are broken up and she acts like she still wants to fix things, she hangs out with these people still and falls asleep at their houses and pretty much ignores me and shows no interest to spend time with me. She claims the relationship ended because I started boring her (that hurts).

 

Lately, I've been drinking a lot and sometimes send countless texts ranting to her. I honestly feel lost and like I have no one. The more I rant to this girl and send her text the worse I feel about my self esteem...Does anyone have anything to say that could be helpful in this situation Im going through?

 

NOTE: I AM NOT ASKING FOR RELATIONSHIP ADVICE. THE RELATIONSHIP IS OVER. I just have had trouble being happy/moving on/accepting everything

 

It is difficult to move on from something or someone that was (seemingly) great. It's like someone pulled a rug from under you when you weren't looking, and just when you thought everything was great, in reality everything is crashing down. It hurts, no doubt about it. You might start to wonder if you'll ever be with anyone that fantastic ever again. Or whether there was something you could have done different.

 

But you needn't worry about things that are not worth worrying about. Someone who is sleeping over at the places of other guys isn't interested in fixing what you two had, so there is no hope of that happening. And that being the case, why dwell? Better, take whatever lessons you can from the relationship that abruptly ended, and apply them elsewhere in your life. 

 

I'm in a similar boat as you. Just about a year ago, my ex-girlfriend, who went on a break from me, told me she thought it would be better if we were "just friends." The reason why she went on a break from me is because she thought she still had feelings for a previous ex of hers. To this day I haven't been able to forget about her or the pain she caused me by ending things. I thought we had a great relationship. It was far from perfect, but it was great nonetheless. Sometimes I wish I had never dated her. But other times I am glad I did, because it meant I learnt some things about myself. And the next time I have the privilege of being in a relationship again, I will know my strengths and weaknesses, and hopefully have a better relationship because of that.

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I'm sorry that you are struggling through this break up.  I know how much it hurts, but you will save yourself a lot of pain & heartache if you just move on.  It sounds like she enjoys playing mind games with you. 

 

You should really stop messaging her. You deserve better.

 

You absolutely should feel free to vent & ask for advice on this site. 

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Thank you all for your sincere thoughts on this issue.

 

One thing that's been going on, is we've been trying to fix things despite the fact that it's obviously over. Thing is, she had this whole entire week off work and spent every day sleeping at her guys friends house. And she still claims she hasn't had sex. (we were virgins when we started dating...so this hurts even more)

 

Yet, when the opportunity to see me comes up, she's so hesitant even though she acts like she wants to see me and fix things. Maybe she becomes hesitant because sometimes I just rant to her (I need to stop that...). Or maybe I truly am being played by her and being killed off slowly...just used as a safety leverage for her ego.

 

I think any rational person would clearly see the situation here. I've decided I'm not going to talk to her anymore. Whenever I talk to her, I just become more angry and bothered by everything. I notice if I go a day without talking, even though it hurts, it feels like the right thing and that I can start to heal.

 

Thank you all once more for your input on this...it's very much appreciated

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You definitely will not get past this until you cut all contact. It's hard and it sucks. But the sooner you cut contact the sooner you will get past it. It takes time. I have been there before when I was your age. Only thing I can say is there is something better out there for you, even if it does not seem that way now.

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First of all relationship problems can be the cause of a depression, so the person who made that comment is ignorant.

Second, I'm so sorry about your situation and I can defintely sympathize with you.

I know it's a cliche saying but time really does heal the heart. It will be very hard in the beginning but eventually it will get better. Let it out, don't hold it in.. Talk to people about it... Friends, family, whoever will listen that you're comfortable with. I think the best advice here is your own ..not talking to her.. The more you talk to her, the longer it will take to move on.

I wish you well and hope you're able to find solace.

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