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Anyone Never Loose Their Temper?


Fizzle

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Hi teddy, thanks. I never shout or say things I havent thought out. I have pretended and forced myself to raise my voice in recent years to fit the situation but it isnt natural. In truth I'm not loosing it. Yes worrying about loosing control in any way is so far away from the way I function it would never occur to me. I worry that I dont. I know Im weird. 

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Oh Ive been in lots of situations including a childhood of emotional/verbal and physical abuse as well as much other stuff plus domestic violence and bullying as an child and adult. Ongoing issues in family which is to be expected as people dont change easily. I find my family very hard to be around even though I now have much better ways of dealing with them than in the past.  

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No. :-/  If its an ouch its not an angry one. I never used to be aware of anger but have done a lot of therapy and self treatment about that and I am now aware of anger fairly often. Its an internal thing though. It doesnt burst out of me like it seems to do with other people. I think I rejected anger before but Im working on accepting it now. Im just freakily controlled and I know it isnt normal. If I do loose it I am upset not loosing my temper. 

 

My anger stays internal and gets aimed at me or is mostly expressed assertively these days (as far as I am aware). Probably moments of passive aggression Im sure. 

Edited by Fizzle
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Hi Fizzle

 

I so understand what you are saying.  My T is trying to help me get in touch with  my anger as I never outwardly show anger, ever.  If I ever do get angry it is inward.  I don't know the solution to this (if I have an A-Ha moment in T, I'll let you know) but I just wanted you to know that you aren't alone, or weird.  I think given your history, you are probably quite normal.

 

Take care

Callie

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Callie,

 

Thank you sooo much for answering and telling me. As the years go on I become more and more aware of how differently I function to most. It helps a lot to not be alone. You express it well too. No outward show of anger, ever. In recent years I pretend it at times because I have realised it sometimes puts me in harms way but its not me loosing my temper in any way. Do let me know if you have any a- Ha's. 

 

It seems to me a lot of people do passive and then explode in cycles. I never explode. Its a totally foreign concept to me. 

 

 

Much support back to you. 

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No. :-/  If its an ouch its not an angry one. I never used to be aware of anger but have done a lot of therapy and self treatment about that and I am now aware of anger fairly often. Its an internal thing though. It doesnt burst out of me like it seems to do with other people. I think I rejected anger before but Im working on accepting it now. Im just freakily controlled and I know it isnt normal. If I do loose it I am upset not loosing my temper. 

 

My anger stays internal and gets aimed at me or is mostly expressed assertively these days (as far as I am aware). Probably moments of passive aggression Im sure. 

i don,t lose my temperture but im angry 90% of the time the only time I can rember ever losing my temper has been when my father was being abusive towards me i can,t remember any other time I degrade people or got into fight with anyone so your not the only one im actually nice to people when im angry at them most of the time.i don,i guess I sound angry I don,t name call or get into fight with anyone really.

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 My tolerance for frustration is pretty low, but I certainly experience a wide range and intensity of emotions.  When I was younger I could worry to the nth degree and sink into the most miserable depressions.  Now there is a floor under me and a ceiling above me.  So I guess if "the full range and intensity of emotions" included catatonia or psychosis, then I guess I would have to admit to not really being able to experience the full range and intensity.  But I don't miss it.   Just me I guess. 

Edited by Epictetus
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I never do. I used to. I came up with an exercise a while ago after thinking, "I can't live with myself", then I realized that consciousness (that disappears when I'm sleeping) is watching me and my thoughts and feelings, so I just started acknowledging what I was seeing (like narrating a TV show in front of me that otherwise wouldn't have sound), and would say things like "there is anger inside me" or "there is sadness inside me" or "there is jealousy inside me", and by doing this I could simply accept the emotion, let it pass, and over time I no longer needed it and it went away.

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Hi sg, thats is interesting. It sounds really helpful that you dont vent at people when you are angry, You seem to be pretty assertive too from what I have seen. I appreciate any common ground as Im not feeling very human at present. I dont seem like anyone around me. People used to always talk about my serene face. I have mixed feelings about that. 

 

nc86, yes Im very aware that it isnt a normal thing for human beings. Now. For most of life I thought anger was bad and that noone should have it. And I was rarely if ever aware of it. I think what happens in those cases is the anger is converted into self destructive behaviours and self aimed anger. I didnt see it like that for a long time though. Now knowing its not normal just makes me feel abnormal. 

 

Hi cupcake. thanks for sharing, It helps. I have bottomless feelings of alienation at present.

 

Hi Epictitus. 

Its probably worthwhile me mentioning that I have always had intense emotional states just in case it could be interpreted that I meant I feel little. I just barely ever felt anger at others and its still rare. And I never loose my temper. That doesnt mean I dont feel things intensely. But I think its possible that people sometimes dont realise that since I often look very together.  Im also often dissociated in crisis situations and emotions come after and strongly, It sounds healthy you have containment now. 

 

Hi chrisnos, 

Im not totally sure I understand but what you describe sounds pretty healthy. Like you have let go of anger or sadness about certain things. What happens now if someone had to attack you verbally for example? 

Edited by Fizzle
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Fizzle,

 

It's not about eliminating emotions - I went through a stage where I confused this - it's about having control on them, so you can get rid of the ones that are destructive.

 

We know this intuitively, we say phrases like "I can't live with myself" and "I feel like I'm wrapped in a blanket of sadness" - we know it's not something we are, but rather something we watch in front of us like a television program that we react to as we see it in front of us.

 

If someone attacked me verbally, where is the "anger" or "sadness"... does it jump out of the words onto the person? And why can some words hurt one person but not another?

 

This is like calling a 6-foot tall woman short.

 

Nobody else's words ever hurt you - all they do is bring to conscious awareness your own insecurities.

 

For example, the reason the 6-foot tall woman wouldn't feel sad, angry, upset or insecure is because she doesn't believe it in herself.

 

But, if she did believe she was short, and that this was a bad thing, no matter what the reality (even if she was 6-feet), someone attacking that insecurity would make her feel bad, regardless of reality.

 

When someone attacks me verbally, it's something I need to work on inside myself by observing "there is sadness inside me" and that it exists nowhere else, and eventually as I realize that is not me ("I can't live with this unhappiness), almost like a separate entity just coming and going, I can just observe it without thinking it is me or getting involved with it.

 

While most people, even having been in therapy for years, are kept in the dark and under this illusion, which stops them from making progress, but once you realize the truth about how things work you gain clarity, like being in a dream and realizing the monster has no power over you after you realize you're dreaming, because you realize the illusion and that it really has no power over you.

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