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Lifetime Depression


shiznit76

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Hi, anyone else feel like they have suffered all their life with depression/anxiety? I got jealous when read about folk who have one bout, get meds then that seems to be them sorted for life. I feel that if i get a few months without any depressive periods i am doing well, then can slip for another month or so. I've tried various AD's , maybe this is just way i am and always will be. Anyone else in same boat?

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Yeah Brother, mine is genetic, Dad and Uncles had it.  I don't think of it as a curse though.  I rest unusually deeply to build unusual heights of energy.  Its no consolation at the time, nothing enjoyable about depression for certain.  I have to exercise, eat alot of Omega 3 fish (salmon mostly), get alot of sunlight...and above all GET OUT OF THE HOUSE, take chances, meet people, be bold, that is my recipe for countering my genetic tendency toward depression.  

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Yep.  It's in my family's genes.  I've been plagued by heavy sadness and depression my entire life.  Now I'm 49, and it's just getting worse.  I've been on and off meds, tried this and that.  All I've found is some temporary relief, but I'm so sick of it all.  I no longer expect to "get better".  I know this will curse will be with me until the end of my days on this earth.  I hope it serves some greater cosmic purpose for my soul.  Does it?

 

I don't want to hear any more "good advice".  Just waiting it for it all to end.

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Hello shiznit76

I have suffered from crippling depression and dysthymia, as well as anger, for nearly forty years. It has more or less ruined my life. I have tried therapy and numerous medications, and they helped a little, but I can't afford either anymore. I try to do all the standard routines: exercise, diet, social activities etc. But it doesn't help much. I have a young son on the autism spectrum whom I adore, and were it not for him, I would most likely be dead by now.

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Hello shiznit76

I have suffered from crippling depression and dysthymia, as well as anger, for nearly forty years. It has more or less ruined my life. I have tried therapy and numerous medications, and they helped a little, but I can't afford either anymore. I try to do all the standard routines: exercise, diet, social activities etc. But it doesn't help much. I have a young son on the autism spectrum whom I adore, and were it not for him, I would most likely be dead by now.

Do you suffer all the time or is it cyclic?

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Hello shiznit76

I have suffered from crippling depression and dysthymia, as well as anger, for nearly forty years. It has more or less ruined my life. I have tried therapy and numerous medications, and they helped a little, but I can't afford either anymore. I try to do all the standard routines: exercise, diet, social activities etc. But it doesn't help much. I have a young son on the autism spectrum whom I adore, and were it not for him, I would most likely be dead by now.

Do you suffer all the time or is it cyclic?

It used to "come and go in waves" but in recent years has been more or less unremitting. The most recent (relatively speaking) trigger was the end of my marriage (2nd one destroyed by my illness). That pretty much finished me, and recently I learned that she is in a new (and seriously committed) relationship, which has only flattened me further (if that were possible).

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I try to focus on being the best Dad I can be for my son, and help him meet the challenges posed by his autism.

When I can, I attend a NAMI-sponsored support group for people living with mental illness. It helps knowing you're not alone.

I used to have hobbies, but depression and anhedonia have effectively smothered any lingering interest in any of them.

Occasionally I'll go out with coworkers to a local pub that does weekly trivia.

That's about it right now..

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Yep.  It's in my family's genes.  I've been plagued by heavy sadness and depression my entire life.  Now I'm 49, and it's just getting worse.  I've been on and off meds, tried this and that.  All I've found is some temporary relief, but I'm so sick of it all.  I no longer expect to "get better".  I know this will curse will be with me until the end of my days on this earth.  I hope it serves some greater cosmic purpose for my soul.  Does it?

 

I don't want to hear any more "good advice".  Just waiting it for it all to end.

Yes a lot of my family suffers from depression.  I've had it on and off most off my life.  And BTY, I love your profile pic.  When I was growing up my friends and I used to listen to that album all the time. King Crimson - In The Court Of The Crimson King.

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Hi guys!

I too have been plagued by depression my entire life. I started taking antidepressants when I was about 12 and haven't stopped since. When I was a teenager my anxiety was the worst part of it. I was lucky because I had some self confidence ( not much but just enough to help). During my junior year of high school all I could think about was ******* myself. I told my doctors this and they did nothing but send me to a horrible therapist who was crazy and always made me feel worse, she hurt me really bad but that's another story. When I went of to college I was so excited to be starting fresh, turns out that the depression hit harder away from people who love me and I attempted suicide, was taken to a back country psychiatrist who changed up all my meds and diagnosed me with schophrenia and I was condemned to a old school mental ward. Came home to a state shook and was "better" meaning I was not constantly thinking of suicide. Then when I was about 28 I tried again to **** myself twice and sent me to two hospital stays then day treatment along with DBT treatment, ECT and therapy which is up till now.

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Many people in my family suffer from depression, although they seem to all by on my mother's side of the family.  My uncle took his own life as a result of his.

 

Mine started in my teens and has lasted most of my life, in one form or another.

 

I never took any meds, because honestly I don't care enough to see if they will make any difference.

 

I. just. don't. care.

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Hi, anyone else feel like they have suffered all their life with depression/anxiety? I got jealous when read about folk who have one bout, get meds then that seems to be them sorted for life. I feel that if i get a few months without any depressive periods i am doing well, then can slip for another month or so. I've tried various AD's , maybe this is just way i am and always will be. Anyone else in same boat?

 

Since childhood, yeah.  It's genetic, yes.  Have to stay on meds to function.   If I didn't have to work, I'd quit the medication.  The older I get, the more hopeless it feels.   How do you all support yourselves?  The hardest part is knowing it only gets harder to survive. 

shiznit76, you're not alone.

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I'm 41 and my depression started at 19. Prozac at 26 gave me my life back and I was quite happy for about 10 years. My wife and I had 2 children, she went to nursing school and I started a business. Those combined stressors have slowly taken their toll. I've been on a slow downward spiral for the last 6 years until this last week when I pretty much had a nervous breakdown. I think I need to change meds. For some reason I switched to Effexor maybe 10 years ago but I think I should go back to Prozac. My issue now is that I've worn myself out to where I'm barely running my business. I can't seem to get in more than 4 hours of work and I have to go home. Luckily I have a good staff right now but some days I just want to lock the doors and call it quits. I can't do that because I have 5 employees and a ton of obligations. Depression makes me lose track of what is real. Am I just super depressed or do I really hate my job? I do see a very significant correlation between stress levels and my mental health. My wife is very patient but it's hard on her because she has to carry more than her fair share of work around the house because some days I can't get off the couch. I can say that I've had years where I've been happy so at least I know it's possible. But now I just need to get rid of some stress in my life and find happiness again. I do have hobbies which help. I like to fix machines, and ride off road vehicles. These help a lot.

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Im just fed up fighting all the time. Ive just had 3 great months after starting a ned AD, and honestly thouht things may be turning round for me, but i have now crashed again and just feel there is no solution for me. I must have tried about 6 different ADs, counselling, CBT, and if anything i just seem to get worse instead of better. If it wasnt for having a great wife i doubtdI'd still be here. Dont get me wrong, i dont want to end it, but i dont want to continue live this way either

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Im just fed up fighting all the time. Ive just had 3 great months after starting a ned AD, and honestly thouht things may be turning round for me, but i have now crashed again and just feel there is no solution for me. I must have tried about 6 different ADs, counselling, CBT, and if anything i just seem to get worse instead of better. If it wasnt for having a great wife i doubtdI'd still be here. Dont get me wrong, i dont want to end it, but i dont want to continue live this way either

A supportive spouse is an awesome thing, indeed. Not that my ex didn't try...I know I made her life very very difficult.

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Im just fed up fighting all the time. Ive just had 3 great months after starting a ned AD, and honestly thouht things may be turning round for me, but i have now crashed again and just feel there is no solution for me. I must have tried about 6 different ADs, counselling, CBT, and if anything i just seem to get worse instead of better. If it wasnt for having a great wife i doubtdI'd still be here. Dont get me wrong, i dont want to end it, but i dont want to continue live this way either

A supportive spouse is an awesome thing, indeed. Not that my ex didn't try...I know I made her life very very difficult.

 

 

Yes, certainly helps, and it must be hard for the other half seeing us suffer, but also for the impact it has on their lives too.

 

I also went to a local support group which helps also, was good to realise that "normal" people suffer this crippling disease also.

 

Exercise has helped me in the past, but unfortunately at the moment i have a knee injury

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I've been dealing with depression for 20 years out of my almost 33 years of life.  At least that's the first time I was conscious of it, and I was 12 when I had my first suicide attempt.  3 years later I started self-injuring and that lasted for quite a few years as well.  I feel like I'll never be sorted out and will never feel just... good.  Feel like I'm comfortable with life.  I'm sure genetics aren't playing in my favor, but its always one thing after another that triggers my depression to relapse over and over again.  I doubt I'll ever get ahead of it.

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I've been dealing with depression for 20 years out of my almost 33 years of life.  At least that's the first time I was conscious of it, and I was 12 when I had my first suicide attempt.  3 years later I started self-injuring and that lasted for quite a few years as well.  I feel like I'll never be sorted out and will never feel just... good.  Feel like I'm comfortable with life.  I'm sure genetics aren't playing in my favor, but its always one thing after another that triggers my depression to relapse over and over again.  I doubt I'll ever get ahead of it.

do you take meds to help, and do they?

how often do you have depressive times?

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I used to feel that way. I realized eventually it was all about presence. One night I was feeling like I wanted to die and thought, "I can't live with myself anymore". At that moment I realized there was a part of me (that part that observes when I'm awake and stops when I'm asleep) that was observing and watching everything happened.

 

At that point I realized I wasn't my emotions, that they were only occurring in the present moment, and I could watch without getting involved - like watching my emotions like something separate that was on a TV in front of me.

 

Then I just narrated what I was watching, as if I was watching clouds passing by, and said "there is sadness inside me" or "there is anxiety inside me" or "there is anger inside me", and I realized the more I said this the more I detached from my emotions, and they no longer held any power over me, because they weren't me, but something I observed like clouds passing in front of me (if that makes any sense).

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