Hello, My Story, Heart Attack, Etc.

[jackiewi 7]

Hello, Everyone.  I am a mom to two children 9 & 14.  Over the past 5 years,  I have been a caregiver to my dad and my aunt who have both passed away, as well as my Mom who is living.  In august I had a blood clot in an artery to my heart.  I went into cardiac arrest, but was revived in the ER.  I have been doing my best to recover from the heart attack and because I received treatment so quickly my heart is healing well.  Howver, since the cardiac arrest, I cannot sleep.  At first it was nightmares and reliving the day of the heart attack.  Now, I am just awake and sad.  Just recently, I was delivered the news that my Mom's cancer has returned and is inoperable this time.  Before the heart attack, I know I was overwhelmed, exhausted, and feeling helpless and out of control...now I feel some of those feelings but most encompassing is the crushing sadness I feel almost every minute of the day or night.  My gp prescribed Zoloft for what they are calling PTSD.  I have tried taking it but it makes me so sick to my stomach I can barely stand it.  I have faith in God and that gets me through the darkest of nights.  But right now all that gets me out of bed is my love for my children, who I feel are suffering because even though I am with them physcially I am only partially present because of these dark, dark thoughts.  I hope to find some inspiration and information here...and I hope I can provide some help or comfort as well.  Thanks for reading.

[20YearsandCounting 7,033]

Welcome to DF, jackiewi.     Make sure to tell your doctor about how zoloft is affecting you.  There may be another antidepressant out there that can help you, without the scary side effects. I think after having a heart attack, the stomach pain sounds pretty darn scary. 

[jackiewi 7]

Hello again,  thanks for the comments.  I am trying to stick it out on zoloft- I think the side effects are lessening.  I did talk to my gp and she also prescribed celexa.  But I read the warning about heart issues and was too scared to take it. I am seeing an awesome counselor who is doing something called EMDR with me because she and my cardiologist believe that I have some PTSD going on.  I guess it is not uncommon to get some PTSD after a near-eath experience, esp. if you were resucitated.  Just found out last night that one of my buddies from cardiac rehab died.  She had heart surgery but was recovering fine, active, vibrant, making plans and living life.  I feel an ache in my heart the loss.  I did not know her long, but we connected- especially we were able to share about how we don't really sleep at night anymore, just little bits here and there between dreams, nightmares, and just wakeful worry.  Aw, well, onward we march.