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Feeling Like I'm Back At Square One ..again!


Nissala

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Last week my doctor put me on Cymbalta, which I took last Thursday night. Friday I felt terrible, had side effects like crazy! Brain fog, dizziness, nauseated, anxiety, etc. So didn't take it Friday night as I had to keep my one year old grandson over the weekend..so nothing Friday, Saturday and forgot on Sunday. Did a lot of research Sunday evening and Monday on cymbalta and side effects and the fatigue people say never goes away and am now afraid to take it!  The depression is getting worse so I have to do something because the crying and hopelessness are back in full force.

 

I have some Zoloft we tried a few months ago, so took it last instead.  Right now, I am trying to keep the tears at bay, anxiety is pretty bad as I'm worried, on top of everything else, about starting a new job next week and if I don't have this under some kind of control, I may not have it long. I feel like I am starting over at square one with the emotional stuff....lost, alone and scared...I'm so very tired of this fight... its been my longest and hardest battle with depression...will it ever be under control again? will I ever be able to smile and have some semblance of a normal life again?  At this point, I just don't know.....

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Nissala,

You are capable

You are strong!

You have an unbreakable self that can rescue people from burning buildings and broken hearts.

And that hero will emerge right on time, when you need her, don't you worry about that!

 

You're going to do great at that job, nothing can stop you.  Nothing can stop you, say it!

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I often feel the way you are describing.  I am sorry you are suffering.  I would try not to even think about the new job right now.  Think about it when you are actually there.  Realize it is normal anxiety that anyone would feel prior to starting a new job.  They wouldn't have hired you if you didn't have valuable skills.

 

Be proud of what you have accomplished and are doing despite your symptoms!  You found a job.  You are babysitting a grand-child.  Those are challenging tasks for anyone, let alone someone suffering symptoms of depression and anxiety.  

 

 Remember depression will often lie to you about your own worth and the value of your achievements, so you need determination and vision to see through those lies.  

 

I have recurrent depression and sometimes it is a battle we fight for our entire lives, but don't judge yourself by your symptoms, have compassion for yourself.  Having the strength and will to fight, in spite of pain and distress says something significant about who you are.  You are stronger than you feel.

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Thank you both very much for your kind words. I don't feel strong, I feel weak and scared no matter what medication they put me on its not going to work and I will be in this dark pit forever...I do try to fight it though but its been the battle of my life this time around and the longest bout I've ever had that medicine didn't help within a month or so. The round started in April or May but had no resources for meds until October and now everything we've tried just doesn't work with my body or something because I have more side effects now than I've ever had before...I'm rambling, sorry.  

 

Thank you again for your words of encouragement. I will try to remember your words when my mind is trying to strike me down. (((HUGS)))

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Hi there.  Wanted to add that Cymbalta is a good med but so is Zoloft.  Just let your doctor know what you are doing so they can advise you.  Good luck with your new job and I hope you do well. 

 

Hugs,

Lauryn

Thank you Lauryn! I plan on contacting my doctor to let them know what I am doing and why. Thanks for the job wishes, I sure hope it works out as being unemployed for so long does nothing to help the depression! (((hugs)))

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