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From Science Daily:

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Scientists have identified a key chemical within the 'memory' region of the brain that allows us to suppress unwanted thoughts, helping explain why people who suffer from disorders such as anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), depression, and schizophrenia often experience persistent intrusive thoughts when these circuits go awry.


 

I want some of that.

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Realizing i hate daylight savings time... another hour of insomnia while the rest of the world seems to be asleep (I don’t think I’ve slept since I was 14... how is that possible). But I’ll be SO tried in the morning.. yay.. more to look forward too.

FYI - today is definitely not my day.

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13 minutes ago, samadhiSheol said:

Why the ff am I still alive? No one as empty, as angry, as impotent should be allowed to live.

Perhaps todays the day One can  only wish.

Death and oblivion. I want out of this pointlessness.

The way out is to find your way into something you enjoy.  Do you like art?  Doodle on something.  Have you gone outside lately?  Go for a jog/bike ride/walk while the leaves are still pretty.  Do you have to get up super early and/or stay up super late?  Watch the sunrise/sunset.  It brings you a new color combination every day (for free).  

So you see, there's a lot things to live for, and I haven't even mentioned any of the bigger things yet.  You've got this :).

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I don't do "enjoy". I don't even know what enjoyment means anymore. In the past I tried to distract myself with things I "enjoy". Yes, I've done all that. Running, walking sunrise sunset, reading artgalleries.. it all leaves me cold. I see it. i do it. But it means nothing to me. It leads nowhere ohter than to where I am right now. Nothing changes. I still despise myself, my thoughts my body, My very being. I am still left empty in the pointlessness that is my life or more to the point travesty of life. Some of us are just not meant for life.

 

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On 11/16/2017 at 0:57 AM, samadhiSheol said:

I don't do "enjoy". I don't even know what enjoyment means anymore. In the past I tried to distract myself with things I "enjoy". Yes, I've done all that. Running, walking sunrise sunset, reading artgalleries.. it all leaves me cold. I see it. i do it. But it means nothing to me. It leads nowhere ohter than to where I am right now. Nothing changes. I still despise myself, my thoughts my body, My very being. I am still left empty in the pointlessness that is my life or more to the point travesty of life. Some of us are just not meant for life.

 

Yes, some of us are not meant for life. I wish I could trade places with my deceased friends. They deserve another chance. 

I am a waste of space...

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  • 2 weeks later...

Why the #$#$ do i allow myself to signup for online dating rightfully knowing I will not like any of the men. As if he will understand what depression is and willing to live happily ever after with me:sly:( sarcasim)

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