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nexus321

The Depression Came Back

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I was watching a tv show late last night, it was about some guy in his twenties on how he keeps getting laid. And here is me I thought. I'll be turning 26 in a week and I haven't had as much as a kiss in my life. The majority of my 20's is practically over.

I've just been so depressed. I can't sleep at nights and I'm falling asleep so often in class people keep asking if I'm sick or something. I just don't want to exist anymore. What's the point? I'm never going to be loved, I'm never going to fit in.

I was playing pool with a "friend" this weekend and he kept asking me if I had any dating prospects..I almost wanted to yell at him "NO! I don't and I never will! Stop asking!".

People my age have experienced so much in life. I haven't. I don't know what it feels like to even be liked by the opposite gender.

I can't shake this depression off. I've tried working out but all I think is why am I even doing it? No one even cares what I look like. I used to be morbidly obese and I spent countless hours in the gym working out until I looked normal and guess what it made no difference to women! All that constant ****ing jogging for nothing!

I'm starting to really hate myself. My mother always told me that I would never amount to anything. (I've cut her out of my life)
I'm starting to lose focus in classes and I'm most likely going to fail math.

Yesterday I was talking to two girls in my class and the subject of tv shows came up. I started recommending some to them. They both exchanged glances like what a loser he is. It keeps replaying in my head. They're right. I am a loser. And this life is pointless

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Hello, nexus:

 

YOU ARE NOT A LOSER!!  I don't even know you, but just from some of the things your wrote, it's clear to me that YOU ARE NOT A LOSER!!

 

Let me talk first about how to identify depression and treat the symptoms.  There is a generally accepted and recommended way to treat symptoms of depression and other conditions: 

 

Make an appt and see your primary care physician or family doctor for a physical exam to confirm or rule out any physical illnesses.

 

Make an appt and see a psychiatrist for a complete eval and accurate diagnosis of your mental condition, and a prescription for appropriate medications to treat your symptoms.

 

Make an appt and see a therapist who will help you to understand yourself and your current thought patterns, and how to develop new healthy patterns of thinking.  The therapy will be most effective after the medications calm your mind.

 

You did fantastic to lose weight and get healthy.  THAT WAS NOT A WASTE OF YOUR TIME.  Stay fit and healthy for YOURSELF, not because of relationships.

 

You had a couple mental challenges that are still sticking with you.  After you get some therapy for those challenges, you will feel awesome.  The mental challenges are that your mom said you would never amount to anything, and that stuck in your brain.  When your were overweight, society judged you and you judged yourself.  That former judgment is stuck in your brain.

 

With the correct medication and a little therapy, you will understand yourself better, understand your current thinking patterns, and learn new healthy thinking patterns to match your new healthy body.

 

How do I know that you're not a loser?  You had the willpower and determination to lose weight and get healthy.  You are attending classes, which means you are improving yourself and working on accomplishing something.

 

I can't stress enough that at age 26 you still have plenty of time to find some fun dating relationships, and eventually true love, marriage, family.  Please don't give up on that.  Think of the cliche "He who laughs last laughs best".  Some of the people around you who seem to have had lots of relationships and lots of sex will be getting divorced form their supposed "true love" right around the time that you are getting started with your real true love.

 

Think of your life as a whole, from age 0 to age 90 or 100.  So maybe your years from age 0 to 26 had some difficulties, and you feel that you missed out.  But, stay optimistic about your years from 26 to 36, or 36 to 46, etc.

 

Please, don't give up hope now.  You've already succeeded at several things, KEEP GOING!!!!

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Hello, nexus:

 

YOU ARE NOT A LOSER!!  I don't even know you, but just from some of the things your wrote, it's clear to me that YOU ARE NOT A LOSER!!

 

Let me talk first about how to identify depression and treat the symptoms.  There is a generally accepted and recommended way to treat symptoms of depression and other conditions: 

 

Make an appt and see your primary care physician or family doctor for a physical exam to confirm or rule out any physical illnesses.

 

 

Make an appt and see a psychiatrist for a complete eval and accurate diagnosis of your mental condition, and a prescription for appropriate medications to treat your symptoms.

 

 

Make an appt and see a therapist who will help you to understand yourself and your current thought patterns, and how to develop new healthy patterns of thinking.  The therapy will be most effective after the medications calm your mind.

 

You did fantastic to lose weight and get healthy.  THAT WAS NOT A WASTE OF YOUR TIME.  Stay fit and healthy for YOURSELF, not because of relationships.

 

You had a couple mental challenges that are still sticking with you.  After you get some therapy for those challenges, you will feel awesome.  The mental challenges are that your mom said you would never amount to anything, and that stuck in your brain.  When your were overweight, society judged you and you judged yourself.  That former judgment is stuck in your brain.

 

With the correct medication and a little therapy, you will understand yourself better, understand your current thinking patterns, and learn new healthy thinking patterns to match your new healthy body.

 

How do I know that you're not a loser?  You had the willpower and determination to lose weight and get healthy.  You are attending classes, which means you are improving yourself and working on accomplishing something.

 

I can't stress enough that at age 26 you still have plenty of time to find some fun dating relationships, and eventually true love, marriage, family.  Please don't give up on that.  Think of the cliche "He who laughs last laughs best".  Some of the people around you who seem to have had lots of relationships and lots of sex will be getting divorced form their supposed "true love" right around the time that you are getting started with your real true love.

 

Think of your life as a whole, from age 0 to age 90 or 100.  So maybe your years from age 0 to 26 had some difficulties, and you feel that you missed out.  But, stay optimistic about your years from 26 to 36, or 36 to 46, etc.

 

Please, don't give up hope now.  You've already succeeded at several things, KEEP GOING!!!!

 

Thanks, it's nice of you to say that. But it feels like this is what my life is always going to be, failing at everything.

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Yes, right now you feel discouraged, but pick yourself up and try again.

 

Don't feel so much pressure to meet a "girlfriend" type of girl right now.

 

Try online dating, but at the beginning don't choose the girls who seem like they are the prettiest, smartest, most desirable.

 

Look for a girl who seems like maybe she is struggling with a weight problem, or a plainer looking face, or whatever.  

 

Someone who might enjoy a low-pressure date with no expectations of a future romance.

 

Meet her for coffee or a drink and focus on what YOU can do to make HER experience a happy experience.  Look beyond her extra weight or beyond her plainer face and listen to what she says, make her feel like she matters.  Make her feel like she is a very special person.

 

Actually, everything I said about online dating would apply to girls you meet in class or elsewhere in real life.

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I definitely know where you're coming from. I never had much luck with girls for years and years. But you know what's funny? I would have girls that were friends that I thought wanted nothing to do with me and never made a move, only to find out later that they were super into me but thought I wasn't into them. I can almost gurantee this is the case with you, but you likely don't realize it due to apparent self-worth issues.

 

I managed to get over it to some extent, but still have an absolute lack of self-worth and some MAJOR body dismorphia issues which plague me to this day. I hate looking in the mirror and try to avoid it as much as I can. Despite having luck with girls, I am convinced I'll never know what love is. I'm a vain, shallow, piece of crap who probably isn't deserving of it anyway.

 

I agree with Lynn about just getting yourself out there though. Learn how to interact with girls, get them to laugh and smile. It will build confidence and make you more comfortable. They don't have to be the prettiest. Let's be real, you won't go from getting 0 to picking up the finest girls. They require a LOT of effort unless you're like a male model, in which case, we wouldn't be having this conversation. So yea, not worth it.

 

Also, those girls judging you for TV shows you recommended. Really? I wouldn't sweat that man. Generally speaking, guys and girls are going to have different tastes in like, well, everything. They might be laughing at your shows, meanwhile they're watching the Kardashians or some garbage like that (no offense to all the Kardashian fans out there, haha). Own your opinions. If that was the deal-breaker then, oh well, move on. I know it's easier said then done, but start out slow and realize you can't please everyone. If a girl doesn't like me oh well. I don't like a lot of girls (or most people for that matter). As lame as it sounds, there is someone out there for you that you'll click with. You just need to put yourself out there, and not worry about the outcome and it will happen. Like I said, there are most likely girls out there that like you already, but waiting on you to make the move.

 

Now if you want to know about relationships I'll let someone else handle that since I I'm wortless when it comes to that.

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