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derpytia

God Offers No True Comfort

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A lot of my fellow Christian's will say that we have heaven to look forward to where there is no more suffering or pain or sadness. But... how is that a comfort. It's like: "Okay you're gonna continue suffering with no relief or help and you're gonna be that way until the day you die." Does that mean that death is the only thing we have to look forward to? What is the point of living like this if I'm going to die one day and go to heaven. Why not just get it over with? Why does God insist on us living a life here on earth?

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Those are some really great questions.  

 

I think living teaches us to really, actually love people.  

 

The refinement, the struggle, the hurt, every time I endure a day or an era of life that is really hard, it produces in me genuine love for people who go through the same thing.  

 

If everything in my life went well, I would be an intolerable a$$h*e!.  It was only the unbelievably painful decade of depression I suffered that opened my eyes to loving the depressed.  It was nearly freezing for 2 straight weeks, when the sun would peak for the day and I was still frozen, thinking it truly hopeless.  It was that experience, forged into my mind permanently, that makes me love buying blankets for people I don't even know every winter.  

 

I think this life we are in becomes love when we suffer, and becomes good when we use those feelings to help others.  I think that is what God is teaching me, and maybe you too.    

 

Thanks for writing.  I would have never met you if we both hadn't struggled together, right here is where I meet the most genuine people on earth, which I am so glad of.

Edited by GSpolar

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But what if love isn't enough? Love can't heal me of my afflictions. Love can't save me from falling into depression and anxiety. Love cannot bring back anything that I have lost. And as for God's love, I'm just a mere human; I don't think we can even comprehend God's love much less feel it. :(

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I'm so anguished because where is God? Where? Why doesn't he offer comfort for this life too?

Where was God when I was born with PHPV in my eye?
Where was God when my father became an alcoholic and abused my dog and me and my mother?
Where was God when my parents got divorced?
Where was God when I developed depression as a young child?
Where was God when my own grandmother tried to take our house away from us?
Where was God when I lost all vision in my right eye?
Where was God when my mother lost her job and we were forced into poverty?
Where was God when I lost some hearing and got tinnitus?
Where was God every time my tinnitus and hearing loss got worse?
Where was God when I developed anxiety?
Where is He? Why can't Jesus come now and take me to my real home? I want to go there where there's no crying or sadness or pain or suffering. I want to go there so badly and yet I have to live the rest of this life like this. I'll never get married or have a family. I'll never get a job and will probably end up on the streets when my mother dies. I'll never heal or be happy. It's too cruel of a fate for me. 

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Daring and bold

Even when its hardest

Run to Him

Pray crying and yelling like David prayed, sweating and bleeding like Jesus prayed

Your heart builds like a lightning storm, beautifully.  

Talk it out

I see a strong woman

Always unique, unforgettable, you are

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What does help me is Bible, Psalm:

'I would have lost heart, unless I had believed

That I would see the goodness of the Lord

In the land of the living.'

In the land of living means in this life.

And don't think i am not pretty discouraged too.

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Hi Derpytia,

 

     You have a nice screen name.  It is cool. 

 

     I am sad that you are suffering so much!  I wish I had the power to change it from suffering to joy, but unfortunately I cannot.

 

     I have had similar thoughts and feelings as those you mention, so I certainly would never make light of them!!!!!!!!!!!

 

     You are a really special person in my eyes!

 

     I just finished reading a book of letters by Mother Teresa of Calcutta.   She founded a religious order that ran hospitals for those with HIV/AIDS, tuberculosis,, leprosy as well as orphanages and refuges for the terminally ill in India so they would not have to die all alone on the street.  But personally [as indicated by her letters] she felt abandoned by God and was plagued by doubts and difficulties with God's existence and Heaven and many other things.  

 

     According to her letters, the dark night of the soul lasted 20 years!  Holding the hands of so many people as they passed away probably tore away at her soul. 

 

    I am currently suffering from a disease for which there is no cure in addition to depression and anxiety and panic attacks.  Luckily for me my life is not one of unremitting, unrelenting pain.  And I try to find meaning in life by helping people if I can.  At the same time I am not fit to do anything but look up and admire anyone going through pure unremitting, unrelenting pain.  I am not worthy to do anything else but admire them regardless of their philosophical or theological views.

 

      Until one is in terrible pain and agony, one cannot know how one would react to it.  I would like to think that in terrible pain, I would pray, but perhaps I would scream!  I think you are a very heroic person to bear the misfortunes and sufferings you do.  You don't deserve this suffering!   I know you have helped me and others here by putting your thoughts and feelings into words!  My deepest apologies for being unable to turn your misfortunes around and relieve your pain.  I have the utmost respect for you although I know that this must be small, very small comfort, perhaps no comfort at all to you.

 

Respectfully,   Epictetus

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I just don't understand why we would be put on this earth for whatever cosmic reason God could come up with and then leave us here after we made a single mistake and then not comfort us. God is supposed to be comforting and our father. But he doesn't treat us like that. No parent would ever leave their child in the depths of despair without some amount of true comfort. I'm tired of being strong and fighting through each day. I want to be able to enjoy the small and big things. I want to be able to laugh and smile and know what happiness feels like. True happiness that isn't brought on by or tinged with sadness.

 

David committed so many grave sins and yet he was forgiven and was given back his favor with God. I have committed sins but they are nowhere near as bad as Davids and yet I am given lifelong misery even before I was born. God formed me in the womb and God made me with all these disabilities. He GAVE them to me. Just up and decided that I'd be a perfect candidate without my consent.

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I would like to know why we‘re put on earth as well. its a truly cruel planet. i just try to make some good come out of it but i hate the physical plane and feel like i don't belong here. i find it such a struggle. i feel like I'm shutting down. i suppose suffering has made me have more empathy with others suffering and I've learnt things from my depression.

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Im not religous I used to be catholic though I always thought why be born if its true why wouldn,t we just have one sinner that kills babies when there born so they can go straight to heaven why even have society,I would think you would get bored in heaven anyway if your stuck there for eternity its probaly really cramped up there lol

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I spoke to a friend of mine who is probably a better Christian than I am since she never questions God ever. She said I'm not obediant enough to God. I say swear words often and I watch movies that have premarital sex, violence, magic, and other religions in them that are not good to watch. I constantly question God and get angry with him. I listen to the wrong kind of music and play video games that have the same things as the movies. She said if I stop doing those things, repent, and ask God for forgiveness that I would have an easier time.

 

Kinda makes me feel like crap as a person. 

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I spoke to a friend of mine who is probably a better Christian than I am since she never questions God ever. She said I'm not obediant enough to God. I say swear words often and I watch movies that have premarital sex, violence, magic, and other religions in them that are not good to watch. I constantly question God and get angry with him. I listen to the wrong kind of music and play video games that have the same things as the movies. She said if I stop doing those things, repent, and ask God for forgiveness that I would have an easier time.

 

Kinda makes me feel like crap as a person. 

 

Not true. It could have a placebo effect at best. I don't buy that this supposedly almighty loving God makes you suffer if you don't get on your knees and beg for mercy. Makes it hard to take it seriously when you look at this suffering world and then are told that this is the creation of love. Why I lost any faith I had long ago

 

I also really don't like it when people blame you for your suffering using the reasoning that you must have not followed their religion right. Ugh. None of that which you listed makes you a bad person

Edited by SenorDomino

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I can give you a ton of people in the Bible who questioned God. Who said you cannot question God? An example is Jesus Christ, on the night when He was to die, he felt so alone and he said God had abandoned him, but that was only his feelings, God had not. It is okay for you to ask these questions. But always remember that God loves you. We are not only on this earth to mark time till heaven, but God wishes for us to enjoy this world as He made it. We were all born differently, everyone with some form of challenge. But we were also born overcomers. It is not up to me to tell you to believe in God but I can sense deep down you know God lives. Have a heart of gratitude but also talk to Him when you feel like you have nothing to be grateful for. Tell him how much you hurt and how angry you are at Him. It is alright, He is our loving Father, loving us as He made us in His own image. You must also not look up to other humans to fulfil your relationship with God. Read the Bible by yourself and discover who God is. Pray and always believe He is looking out for You. God loves you and insists you love yourself too, because you are a reflection of Him. 

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Every day I keep asking more questions and I keep getting back the same answers. I have not been leading a Christian life. I swear, I watch the wrong thing, I have friends who are non-believers who I compromise my beliefs for on occasion. I lie sometimes. So how can I expect God to answer any of my prayers if I'm doing those things? I can't. And He wont because no matter how much I am forgiven because of Jesus, I still can't seem to repent properly.

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I feel like you might knoq the answer to what you belive already,but want confirmation fromm others which is only natural,wwhaat im going to say might be conversational,but I feel like no one really beliefs in there religon, they may belief parts of it,it is not out of true belief but wanting to feel close to others and be part of a group.i respect fundamentalists because I feel like they truely believe what is being taught and act as if itis true and in there min there trying to make the world a better place.i don,t think anyone beliefs god affects reailty,its mostly just people are feeling there lifes are not fair if god was real,he could do whatever he wanted and wouldn,t need to do anything taught in the bible,just because the world is a bad place isn,t really a valid argument that god does,t exist but more what people don,t like what happens.

 

To be clear I don,t believe in anything supernatural or religion,I can see the irrationality in the arguments for and against religon.

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In this world every day there are people that have horrible lives.  If you look at the whole picture there is no real evidence that god helps anyone or even exists.  I look at the world and think if there is a god and this is all the better he can do with this planet then what should I really expect from heaven?

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But what if love isn't enough? Love can't heal me of my afflictions. Love can't save me from falling into depression and anxiety. Love cannot bring back anything that I have lost. And as for God's love, I'm just a mere human; I don't think we can even comprehend God's love much less feel it. :(

 

Telling a depressed person that they have 'god and heaven' to look forward to is the most destructive, abusive and despicable thing to say. As you said, so why not just end it all right now? Pffffffffft.

 

IMO, this life matters so much because it's the ONLY life we have that we KNOW of right here and now. So when someone says to look to god or pray they're just admitting they have no answer for you while pretending they're helping you. Again, pffffffffffffft.

 

There ARE solutions for you. You made your first positive step by coming here. Don't give up. There IS an answer.

 

Margeaux

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I spoke to a friend of mine who is probably a better Christian than I am since she never questions God ever. She said I'm not obediant enough to God. I say swear words often and I watch movies that have premarital sex, violence, magic, and other religions in them that are not good to watch. I constantly question God and get angry with him. I listen to the wrong kind of music and play video games that have the same things as the movies. She said if I stop doing those things, repent, and ask God for forgiveness that I would have an easier time.

 

Kinda makes me feel like crap as a person. 

 

Jezus! It's no wonder you're depressed!!! Obediant to god? What god? Where is this god? Pffffffft.

 

Who is telling you that the movies, music and games you play and enjoy are not good? WHO? Just your friend or are there others? It sounds to me as if you're living in a fundamentalist religious community. It might be a good time for you to consider getting out and away from that nonsense.

 

Repent? Ask god for forgiveness??? You've done NOTHING WRONG. As for your Christian friend who never questions 'god' (or whatever), she sounds pretty stupid to me. Methinks you need to stop listening to her.

 

Margeaux

Edited by Margeaux

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But what if love isn't enough? Love can't heal me of my afflictions. Love can't save me from falling into depression and anxiety. Love cannot bring back anything that I have lost. And as for God's love, I'm just a mere human; I don't think we can even comprehend God's love much less feel it. :(

 

You can't comprehend god's love let alone feel it? Of COURSE you can't. Because NO ONE CAN. If you can magically think your way into feeling this way then you've only accomplished one thing. Magical thinking. And that's not based on reality.

 

But some people really DO think they feel god's love and feel god's 'hands on' works and can even muster up GOOSE BUMPS and speaking in tongues feeling so 'in touch' with god. Sweetie? It's bullsh!t. All of it. What you 'can't' or 'don't' feel is NORMAL because you're just not a 'magical thinking' type of gal. And that's OK! Some people can be hypnotized. Others can't. I used to be SO envious of those who could be hypnotized. I thought they were special and miraculous! But they weren't. LOL! They were just looking for attention in the very same way the hypnotists were.

 

See? Trust your instincts. You're on the right road.

 

Margeaux

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Even though I'm not a Christian, anymore but just spiritual, I can relate, a lot to some of the feelings you're having.  Just wanting all the pain to end and wanting to go "home."  I honestly don't think there is anything I could say that would console you.  At least when it comes to myself, there seems to be no perfect or satisfactory answer.  All that I can say is that I'm so sorry that you had to endure so much pain and to do your best to hang in there until the end because if you've gotten this far, I already know that you are very strong and to let you know that you are not alone. 

Edited by CloudsInMyChamomile11

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On 12/2/2015 at 3:12 AM, derpytia said:

I spoke to a friend of mine who is probably a better Christian than I am since she never questions God ever. She said I'm not obediant enough to God. I say swear words often and I watch movies that have premarital sex, violence, magic, and other religions in them that are not good to watch. I constantly question God and get angry with him. I listen to the wrong kind of music and play video games that have the same things as the movies. She said if I stop doing those things, repent, and ask God for forgiveness that I would have an easier time.

 

Kinda makes me feel like crap as a person. 

You are not a bad christian for questioning God. The prophet Habakkuk questioned God and his questions made it into the Bible.

1The oracle which Habakkuk the prophet saw.

      2How long, O LORD, will I call for help,
            And You will not hear?
            I cry out to You, “Violence!”
            Yet You do not save.

      3Why do You make me see iniquity,
            And cause me to look on wickedness?
            Yes, destruction and violence are before me;
            Strife exists and contention arises.

      4Therefore the law is ignored
            And justice is never upheld.
            For the wicked surround the righteous;
            Therefore justice comes out perverted.

You are a good christian because you, like Habakkuk want to know why things are so messed up. Any person in their right mind would want to know this things.

Do not beat yourself up for your sins.

You are like a sheet of paper with a red dot in the center. You see the red dot (your sins/failings/mistakes/imperfections) and focus on those but God sees all the clean paper surrounding the dot. You are more than your troubles. God allows our suffering to show humanity that we are incapable of governing ourselves, as angry as that makes me that we all suffer to prove a point, it is the way it is. He promised to wipe away every tear but like Habakkuk I often ask How long? How much more of this crap do we have to endure, because enduring to the point of death seems unfair to me when an all powerful creator can just make it stop. Best of luck to you.

 

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On ‎11‎/‎30‎/‎2015 at 1:20 AM, derpytia said:

But what if love isn't enough? Love can't heal me of my afflictions. Love can't save me from falling into depression and anxiety. Love cannot bring back anything that I have lost. And as for God's love, I'm just a mere human; I don't think we can even comprehend God's love much less feel it. :(

I know this is a super old question..but it resonates with me so much. I've been to the point where I absolutely hated God, and now I don't hate god but I get mad sometimes still..and that's ok..hr knows were human..

 

but like you I also have a host of problems..not as bad as yours but..enough..from never having friends, leading a socially isolated life, always moving from apt to apt, poverty...and currently in in a hotel..been here 3 years with my family of 6 ( mom,dad and brothers) I also had a bad church experience that made me really question God.and I deal with anxiety and depression and struggle in college with a 2.0 ...

 

but despite that I met 3' amazing online friends, and I feel if just this tiny bit of good can happen to me ..there is hope. Before them I just felt completely cursed.

 

Now to your post I quoted..i believe love is enough, love is what makes us mentally and emotionally sound.. My love for my friend helped save his life and his love for me helped save mine.

 

Real love is the most powerful force in this world...which is why its all healing imo.. And as bad as your life may suck on earth.. When you get to heaven because of the immense glory and love..you wont even remember!

 

so to me that's worth suffering, BC she you do make it to heaven..you wont remember ..and then heaven is forever... Plus..why lead a life that's hell on earth and then go to hell when you die..thats insane.. Every soul deserves rest and peace.

I hope I was of some help and I hope youre doing better.

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On 11/29/2015 at 1:31 AM, derpytia said:
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A lot of my fellow Christian's will say that we have heaven to look forward to where there is no more suffering or pain or sadness. But... how is that a comfort. It's like: "Okay you're gonna continue suffering with no relief or help and you're gonna be that way until the day you die." Does that mean that death is the only thing we have to look forward to? What is the point of living like this if I'm going to die one day and go to heaven. Why not just get it over with? Why does God insist on us living a life here on earth?

That's a good point. How do you know you'll go to Heaven if you **** yourself prematurely. Its true that the Christian will have many trials down here. There's a verse that says you will receive a hundred fold blessing in this life...with persecutions. If you start pressing into God you will have resistance and face some persecution, but you will also get blessings with it. Its not an easy life to be a Christian. Most people don't count the cost. 

 

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On 30.11.2015 at 8:39 AM, derpytia said:

I'm so anguished because where is God? Where? Why doesn't he offer comfort for this life too?

Where was God when I was born with PHPV in my eye?
Where was God when my father became an alcoholic and abused my dog and me and my mother?
Where was God when my parents got divorced?
Where was God when I developed depression as a young child?
Where was God when my own grandmother tried to take our house away from us?
Where was God when I lost all vision in my right eye?
Where was God when my mother lost her job and we were forced into poverty?
Where was God when I lost some hearing and got tinnitus?
Where was God every time my tinnitus and hearing loss got worse?
Where was God when I developed anxiety?
Where is He? Why can't Jesus come now and take me to my real home? I want to go there where there's no crying or sadness or pain or suffering. I want to go there so badly and yet I have to live the rest of this life like this. I'll never get married or have a family. I'll never get a job and will probably end up on the streets when my mother dies. I'll never heal or be happy. It's too cruel of a fate for me. 

Derpytia :hugs:

In Exodus 3:14 God said to Moses: «I AM WHO I AM», when Moses wanted to know who he was. 

When we were children some of us thought of God as a man with beard sitting some place in sky watching over us. That was how we looked at the Father in Heaven who loved us. In grown up years I have found it more valuable to think of God as the power (the force) that holds everything up (the very being, the «I AM»). If God  disappeared, so would everything else, even ourselves. If we can imagine all the mountains, the soil and everything else (including ourselves) falling together like balloons where the air is left out without the power of God, it is more easy to understand that we do not do ourselves a favor by blaming God for our misfortunes. We would perhaps start to thank God for keeping the earth and everything upon it togehter instead. Even secular psychologists have started to see the value of saying «Thank you» to the Universe. 

I do not find it problematic to understand the «blame God thinking». To some degree I have done that myself many years ago. Later on I have found the «thank you perspective» more beneficial. Such an attitude makes me ask what God perhaps want of me instead. I don't have to waste time and energy on blaming God, but can look for solutions instead. For me the solutions have been therapy, education and more ... Therapy is not an easy way. During the therapeutic proses we will become sad, angry, lose hope, find hope, backslide and going forward. Somebody did give us traumatic wounds, and it can seem unfair that if we  want to recover we have to do the job ourselves. But so it is. If somebody pushes us in front of a car, and the result is that we will have to learn to walk again, we have to do the job ourselves. God will not do it for us, but he will support us on the way if we ask His  grace. «Trust in the Lord with all your heart ... (Proverbs 3:5). As Christians we will know that God is with us. We are not alone. God is with us. So it is with depression as well, God will be there with us if we ask him to go along our sides while we fight for a better life.

Oh yes, he can do miracles, but as CoolCat7 pointed out above: If God should make miracles in everyones lives, we would no longer have a free will, because God would prevent the violent father from doing harm to his children, - he would prevent drinking mothers from drinking and more ... That would make a perfect world without any struggle. That would be Heaven. Heaven will come one day, but we have to die first (and not by our own hand). Since we have no other opportunities than to fight for our own healing from old traumas, that's the only thing we can do. 

That fight will be more easy to go on with when we know that we are not alone. Our Father in Heaven "sits" there caring for us and wants our success!

A little tip to those who have experienced trauma upon trauma upon trauma, google «get selfhelp.uk, dialectical behavior therapy». It is a secular website. You will find so many good advices there (included learning Distress Tolerance) to practice and so you can pray  to God along the road. :smile:

 

Edited by Rosegirl

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