Jump to content

My Stress At University Has Increased


Recommended Posts

Hello,

 

I sent this to the counselling service at university but they only respond on Thursdays and I was hoping for some insight before then.

 

I understand that I'm on the significantly less serious side of the spectrum in this forum and I'm sorry for that but this is affecting my daily life and it's getting worse at the moment and I'm not sure what to do.

 

I'm feeling quite stressed recently and I'm finding it really hard to find a balance with my work and relationship and everything else.

 

I'm finding this year's lectures quite difficult and I'm spending a lot of time going back over content to try and get a better understanding but it's taking a toll on me. I think I'm less confident about my studies than I was. I get concerned about my assignments and it's taking me so long to complete them, barley finishing before the deadline (1 hour before). I did well in the last year and the pressure I've put on myself to keep that up is quite difficult to manage. If I don't understand a lecture it sends my whole day into a downward spiral and if I do badly on an assignment it can affect my week.

 

I find myself trying to work all the time and I don't allow myself much time for anything else. I see my girlfriend often but I find it difficult to work with her, though I do manage. She's also really unhappy with the amount of work I do do currently. I get stressed not knowing whether she'll want to see me or not on the days I know I've got lots of work to do. She lives 20 minutes away by foot and I'm often going to her house after university and then getting to my house at 10-11pm to go straight to bed only to wake up again usually around 7am and start the whole process again.

 

My diet is slipping and my food choices are getting lazier and less nourishing. My room is messy because I just don't have the time to do anything about it.

 

It takes me a while to fall asleep and it has got a little worse though it has always taken me around 30 minutes to sleep since I was young so this isn't too out of the ordinary. I have been feeling a bit sad when I get into bed recently.

 

Self injury has been cropping up in my mind recently but it's more frustration that I it's not so much an option these days because of my girlfriend than anything. It's what I'd usually turn to in the past when I get into this situation.

 

I'm just overwhelmed by all of my work and I don't know how to make time for everything. I understand that I haven't got a good balance but I don't know how to improve it.

 

I want to find a rhythm with my work, being able to find time for other things, but also feeling more comfortable and confident about my work. I want to be able to find time where I can just relax and not feel the need to be doing something all the time.

 

I'm doing okay and I'm certainly not any sort of danger to myself but I really just want to enjoy my time and I'm not doing so at the moment.

 

Thank-you for listening, I appreciate it,

will59

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Will,

 

Wow, you certainly have a lot going on! I'm sorry you're finding it hard to juggle everything. Have you tried making a schedule to try to balance things out? I am pretty unorganized and I rarely follow schedules even if I make them, but sometimes they are useful to chart exactly how much time you spend on certain things, what you are lacking, and where there might be a window where you could squeeze in some time for relaxation.

 

Perhaps you could continue the path you have started when you decided not to hurt yourself anymore, and take it a step further by rewarding yourself when you are overloaded and stressed out (rather than punishing yourself). You work so hard, you deserve a break! Besides that, if you wear yourself down, your work will suffer and that only makes you more stressed. It's good for your body to have downtime and it's certainly not an indicator of being lazy... it's a necessity to maintain balance.

 

My advice would be to make a schedule just for the exercise of seeing if there are windows of time you could save to gain some downtime. A plus to making the schedule is so relaxation becomes one of your tasks for the day rather than seeming like something that isn't a priority. And knowing you allotted time for that specific purpose will make you less likely to worry you aren't spending enough time on work. You might find that you can carve out an hour at lunchtime or at bedtime to unwind and do something you enjoy — every day.

 

I am not sure if this is an option, but perhaps you could ask your girlfriend to come to you, thus saving 40 minutes of walking, and spend that new-found time doing something fun with her to de-stress. She might not be able to do this every day, but if she can swing it once a week, at least you will have some relaxation time in the midst of all of the chaos.

 

Best of luck and keep us posted!

 

-Deb

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Will,

 

Wow, you certainly have a lot going on! I'm sorry you're finding it hard to juggle everything. Have you tried making a schedule to try to balance things out? I am pretty unorganized and I rarely follow schedules even if I make them, but sometimes they are useful to chart exactly how much time you spend on certain things, what you are lacking, and where there might be a window where you could squeeze in some time for relaxation.

 

Perhaps you could continue the path you have started when you decided not to hurt yourself anymore, and take it a step further by rewarding yourself when you are overloaded and stressed out (rather than punishing yourself). You work so hard, you deserve a break! Besides that, if you wear yourself down, your work will suffer and that only makes you more stressed. It's good for your body to have downtime and it's certainly not an indicator of being lazy... it's a necessity to maintain balance.

 

My advice would be to make a schedule just for the exercise of seeing if there are windows of time you could save to gain some downtime. A plus to making the schedule is so relaxation becomes one of your tasks for the day rather than seeming like something that isn't a priority. And knowing you allotted time for that specific purpose will make you less likely to worry you aren't spending enough time on work. You might find that you can carve out an hour at lunchtime or at bedtime to unwind and do something you enjoy — every day.

 

I am not sure if this is an option, but perhaps you could ask your girlfriend to come to you, thus saving 40 minutes of walking, and spend that new-found time doing something fun with her to de-stress. She might not be able to do this every day, but if she can swing it once a week, at least you will have some relaxation time in the midst of all of the chaos.

 

Best of luck and keep us posted!

 

-Deb

 

I do really owe it to myself to be more proactive about this. I keep track of all the things I have to do but I don't plan out my days and I definitely think it would help me if I did. I do sometimes run into a problem that I simply have no choice but to work, or I wont meet a deadline and doing that means getting a complete zero but I am trying to get that work done more efficiently, though it's got a lot more difficult recently. I have lacked exercise this week so I should make an effort to get out more. I treated myself to a cup of tea in town today; I knew if I didn't see sunlight all day it would really effect my motivation so I gave myself that.

 

Thank-you so much for your response.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

will59,

Your struggles are legitimate; don't fall into the trap of comparing your experiences with others.  You deserve compassion and support.  :hugs: 

And if you are walking to your girlfriends, and everywhere else on campus, that's exercise.  You'd probably be surprised at how many miles you're already walking. 

Part of it might be teaching yourself to acknowledge and accept what you have accomplished.  This sounds simple, but I can tell you it's not, at least not for me.  I used to see achieving my goal as failing, because for me I had to surpass my goal in order to consider myself as having achieved it.  I know, try to tie yourself in knots following that logic!  It's taken a lot of work for me to be able to overcome that thinking and be satisfied when I achieve a goal I have set, without surpassing it. 

I also break larger goals down into smaller steps, and often have to put timelines on these to avoid procrastination. If I feel intimidated or if I feel like I will fail it, I tend to procrastinate.  So I have to give myself small steps with clearly defined deadlines, and really pay attention when I achieve them.

I hope some of this helps you.  You will get past this, will59.   :hugs:  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

will59,

Your struggles are legitimate; don't fall into the trap of comparing your experiences with others.  You deserve compassion and support.  :hugs:

And if you are walking to your girlfriends, and everywhere else on campus, that's exercise.  You'd probably be surprised at how many miles you're already walking. 

Part of it might be teaching yourself to acknowledge and accept what you have accomplished.  This sounds simple, but I can tell you it's not, at least not for me.  I used to see achieving my goal as failing, because for me I had to surpass my goal in order to consider myself as having achieved it.  I know, try to tie yourself in knots following that logic!  It's taken a lot of work for me to be able to overcome that thinking and be satisfied when I achieve a goal I have set, without surpassing it. 

I also break larger goals down into smaller steps, and often have to put timelines on these to avoid procrastination. If I feel intimidated or if I feel like I will fail it, I tend to procrastinate.  So I have to give myself small steps with clearly defined deadlines, and really pay attention when I achieve them.

I hope some of this helps you.  You will get past this, will59.   :hugs:  

You're so kind, thank-you. It did help quite a bit to hear that. I am trying to be easier on myself this week.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...