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Ptsd, Anger Issues, Low Self-Esteem Connected?


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Hi all,

 

I was diagnosed with PTSD once. I don't disagree because I was sexually abused at a young age by two different neighbors. I was also beaten up pretty badly by the boyfriend of one of the neighbor's daughters for threatening to tell. I have had nightmares about the abuse, and I have lots of nightmares in general. I have night terrors often.

 

When I was a boy, I was often the receiver of my father's anger and verbal abuse. My father only ever hit me once. It was when I was about 17, but I was always afraid of him. I was very submissive most of the time for fear of what he might do. Most of that was based on how I saw him treat my mother before their divorce. My father always made me feel like I was worthless, and that I didn't know how to do anything right.

 

Fast forward to present. I get really angry when someone either says something directly critical of me (or my work) or say things that give me the impression that they don't think I know what I'm doing. Sometimes it's that they set themselves up as being the only one who knows how to do a job or a task the "right" way. I get really upset either at the person, or I turn it inward and think I don't know how to do anything right. If I am sure that the other person is just being a P**k and criticizing because they get off on that sort of thing, I get so mad I want to pummel them. I get enraged.

 

Is the fact that incidences of harsh criticism cause me to become angry the same as projecting? I mean, I suppose I could be projecting my feelings about my father on to the other person, right? I tend to think it's because the depressed brain seems to remember the bad experiences more readily than good ones. When someone does or says certain things, my brain defaults to those times passed that I was berated and threatened with harm. As much as I want to just let it roll off of me, my brain seems to not allow me to, no matter how hard I try.

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Well I think it might be worthwhile getting a proper evaluation and diagnoses from a psyhiatrist as what is likely to help is different if it is still ptsd related as apposed to depression or even maybe a personality disorder which can sometimes be involved in what you describe. 

 

I personally dont get anger with ptsd but it is a common response that can come along with it. What is a given with ptsd is spending a lot if not all time always in fight and flight mode. Heart racing in defense mode. PTSD is all about ones brain being repeatedly dipped into the past while being in the present..Sometimes its obvious if it comes with visual images where one is back there fully and cant see present day stuff, but sometimes its the emotions that get set off from the past and it feels like it is about the present thing that triggered the response. 

 

Those of us who have grown up with abuse tend to have the most of this type of confusing splicing reactions and we also tend to specialise in a one or two of the flight and fight mode depending on the abuse and our personalities. We either habitually freeze, flee or fight (be angry). 

 

Some of what you describe thought seems to me to be more related to what they call cognitive distortions of which projection is one. You don't have to be projecting your father onto the person and it would be enough if you are thinking the person is saying or doing something when they are not. Usually what we fear the person could mean. 

 

I am sorry for all that happened. Have you had therapy for this? 

Edited by Fizzle
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Well I think it might be worthwhile getting a proper evaluation and diagnoses from a psyhiatrist as what is likely to help is different if it is still ptsd related as apposed to depression or even maybe a personality disorder which can sometimes be involved in what you describe. 

 

I personally dont get anger with ptsd but it is a common response that can come along with it. What is a given with ptsd is spending a lot if not all time always in fight and flight mode. Heart racing in defense mode. PTSD is all about ones brain being repeatedly dipped into the past while being in the present..Sometimes its obvious if it comes with visual images where one is back there fully and cant see present day stuff, but sometimes its the emotions that get set off from the past and it feels like it is about the present thing that triggered the response. 

 

Those of us who have grown up with abuse tend to have the most of this type of confusing splicing reactions and we also tend to specialise in a one or two of the flight and fight mode depending on the abuse and our personalities. We either habitually freeze, flee or fight (be angry). 

 

Some of what you describe thought seems to me to be more related to what they call cognitive distortions of which projection is one. You don't have to be projecting your father onto the person and it would be enough if you are thinking the person is saying or doing something when they are not. Usually what we fear the person could mean. 

 

I am sorry for all that happened. Have you had therapy for this? 

I have had therapy, but I don't think I've ever specifically dealt with the hardwired thoughts about myself. I also want to clarify that I get angry at certain things, but I am not constantly angry. I said I get enraged, but that is rare. Usually it's with my provocation that I get to that point, but it's usually as a result of someone constantly berating me or making me feel like I don't know how to do anything right. I find it difficult to just let things go. However, I was more mindful of things going on at work today, and I was able not to get sucked into a co-worker's negative energy, and although I made an error that could have put me into a funk, I was able to realize I am human and that I can use it to learn from for next time.

 

I do realize some of what I stated probably is congnitive distortions. I will keep it in mind when situations arise.

 

Thanks, Fizzle

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Hi, there! I’m so sorry to hear about your struggles. Such terrible experiences can leave long-lasting emotional scars that remain through adulthood. Have you considered counseling for your situation? I will be praying for God to comfort you and guide you. Also, you might find this book helpful: How to Handle Your Emotions: Anger, Depression, Fear, Grief, Rejection, Self-Worth by June Hunt. Blessings to you!

 

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