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How Do You Feel Today? #32


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On 9/21/2018 at 7:20 PM, sober4life said:

I feel like everything I did the last few years to survive was a waste of time.  I should have let myself die.

Sober4Life,

During the brief time I’ve been hanging around here, I have come to have a lot of respect for you. I’m so glad you are here, and I’m sure there are many others who feel the same way.

ChopinLover

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24 minutes ago, ChopinLover said:

Sober4Life,

During the brief time I’ve been hanging around here, I have come to have a lot of respect for you. I’m so glad you are here, and I’m sure there are many others who feel the same way.

ChopinLover

That's a very sweet thing to say and I feel the same way about you.

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I had a very good talk with my LCSW the other day. She encOuraged me to get out there and do stuff, and that it doesn't need to be too scary to change from the routine a bit. 

Unfortunately, tonight was not he night due to a shoulder injury, so I missed out on a volleyball game. And tomorrow there doesn't appear to be any reason to go out, so, maybe Saturday. Either volleyball or baseball. 

 

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  • 1 month later...

No sports lately. And this weekend, I have been suffering from major GI issues plus chills. Plus, today, a woman yelled at me for some ongoing problem that I was never made aware of. I tend to feel like a dunce, and feel a sense of an impending crash onto my world, as if it will be one of those days where everybody gets angry at me for one reason or another. Luckily, that did not happen. But I'm a bit anxious about tomorrow, my birthday celebration (one day early). I'm kind  of worrie that I won't be able to pull myself up and enjoy the moment, if only for the sake of my parents, who will call me on it if I don't. 

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  • 5 weeks later...
  • 1 month later...

My dad has been planning to try to meet my aunt's family halfway so that my mom can see her sister (we live in Florida, my aunt lives in Connecticut). Well, after talking with my cousin, they have decided to just come down here to spend a week with us in April. But here's the thing. I should be excited about it, but instead I'm feeling anxiety. A whole week with my aunt and uncle and great uncle and cousins and their kids is a lot. I love them but...if I have to listen to them tell me how to fix my life it's going to ruin it.

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Once again, I am sick in advance of a monthly meeting I was hoping to attend. Previous to late 2017, I had been a regular, but now it's very intermittent. Plus, a messageboard that I lost my credentials to and just regianed them to seems to have become very close to dead when I need it the most. So, today I have felt bouts of maybe both sadness and depression. I don't know. I just feel very detached from my life, not knowing which direction it should go, nor who my friends and loved ones are.

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Today was trying. Started off fine. Afternoon and evening, tired, anxious, tearful, with a dash of dread. The tired, anxious and sad are normal for me, the dread hasn't happened for quite a couple of years and it's concerning. But I have to remember that I've felt much worse in the past - much worse. And right now, I feel pretty OK. I'd like to go for a good walk but it's late at night now and anyway I'm wary of over-exerting myself. Think I'll put on a video and march in place for a while. Get the blood flowing.

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