I Don't Want To Be Here

[yrb856]

Hey, so I'm a new member to this site although I've read forums on here before prior to joining.

I don't want to go into in depth explanation of my emotions and struggles, so I will just say that am I at the breaking point where I simply do not want to be alive anymore.

I have struggled with self harm for 5 years, and I visit a psychologist/therapist. However, I am too scared to tell her that I have "gotten bad again"

I have never liked talking about my true inner feelings to anybody, I feel as though I won't be taken seriously when I say I am suicidal. I can't find happiness in anything, even what used to be my favorite things.

I have a method/ plan to end my life set. I'm just waiting for the day at this point when I get pushed too hard.

I do want help that is the thing. I would like to find the positives in life again, and live a happy life but as of now that seems like a pipe dream.

I've heard of hospitalization helping, or overnight facilities that you can move into that will help you get better.

I'm sorry if this all doesn't make much sense I'm very strung out at the moment.

Any comments or suggestions are greatly appreciated .

[birch]

Hello yrb856,

First, welcome to DF.

Sorry you are in another rough patch in your life.

Many here can identify with what you're going through right now.

Please stay around and talk it out.

As far as mentioning your new feelings to your counselor -- I think you should.

Sometimes when I have difficult things I need to tell my doc I write my thoughts down first.

It helps.

Again, welcome and glad you are here.

[20YearsandCounting]

Welcome to DF, yrb856.     I'm sorry that you are struggling so much right now, but I am glad you are here. I hope you can find some of the support and encouragement here on DF that you need and deserve.

[Lynn1954]

Hi, yrb856, and welcome to the forum.

 

Yes, everything you said makes sense, it's actually very clear.

 

I'm sorry that you feel suicidal, that's such a dark and scary feeling.

 

It's a good sign that you do want help, you do want positives, you do want a happy life.

 

You mentioned that you see a therapist, but you didn't mention whether you take medications for your condition.  If yes, then perhaps the meds need changing, as they are not currently effective for you.  If no, then work with your therapist to find a doctor to prescribe the meds you need.

 

When the correct meds calm your mind, then you won't feel suicidal any more.

 

Yes, some people with suicidal thoughts get the most effective treatment at an in-patient hospital program.

 

That's why you must be 100% honest with your therapist, discuss the options for meds outside of a hospital program, and discuss your options for entering a hospital program.