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Things People Have Said To You That Have Helped You . . .


Epictetus

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This is a place where you can post things that other people have spoken or written to you personally that have helped you.  I was helped by these words of a friend:

 

 

"Don't take your thoughts seriously when you are feeling down."

 

 

Please feel free to share any memorable words of help that others have written or spoken to you because they might help me and others too.  Thanks!

 

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Very simple but "I love you" and "I am here for you". If I am truly feeling low those two are the only ones who can comfort me. No beautiful quote or smart sentences beat those two.

I also love my grandfather who always says "Everything is going to be ok, there is a solution to everything"

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  • 2 weeks later...

My dad is very cold and uncaring.  When he hears about my probems he says you just have to do it to solve my problems.  It's just a curtusy response like on the Seinfeld episode.  He doesn't really care.  How did his words help me you wonder?  It helped me to know how people really are.

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"No school tomorrow?"

 

Ran into eccentric-looking old man while out walking in the middle of the night a few winters back. We had a pretty nice chat and then he asked if it was possible to walk all the way to the next town and took off. Somehow just someone stopping to talk with me eased my depression back then a lot. He said he came directly from an interview downtown, and seeing as how it was around 2 AM that seemed strange and not entirely believable to me. Really nice conversation either way.

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@SenorDomino LOL what a cool old man.

 

 

"No school tomorrow?"

 

Ran into eccentric-looking old man while out walking in the middle of the night a few winters back. We had a pretty nice chat and then he asked if it was possible to walk all the way to the next town and took off. Somehow just someone stopping to talk with me eased my depression back then a lot. He said he came directly from an interview downtown, and seeing as how it was around 2 AM that seemed strange and not entirely believable to me. Really nice conversation either way.

 

Reminds me of a time I ran from the city out to my parent's house in a town about 26 miles away. I couldn't quite remember the route, though I had driven it once before so I knew I could make it by foot. I stopped to ask an old man directions to one of the main roads, he asked me where I was heading, and I said the name of the town. It was about 17 miles away from where we were.

 

He said, "You know that's nowhere round here, right? That's far, far away." I said, yes, I reassured him I knew how far it was and that I'd make it. Then the old man said,

 

"God bless you, son." and shook his head, smiling, incredulous.

 

Must've thought I was crazy, haha. It made my day.

Edited by 4amRedLight
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Recently I was talking to one of my peers who was acting like a zombie because she had trouble getting her meds from the pharmacy. I asked if I could get her a drink of water and then asked if she wanted a hug. Her response: "No. .....yes." The following week when I saw her next I asked how she was doing and she was doing a lot better. She seemed really appreciative and I told her briefly about myself just so that she knew I could relate somewhat. She looked me in the eye and said: "If you ever need to talk, I'm here. Really."

 

That was good to hear.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I joined a depression support group earlier in the year, and hearing other people's stories and words of advice are really helpful.

 

One thing that especially sticks with me is that during one session after I had finished talking, one of the members looked at me and told me how impressed he was with how I was able to carry on my day to day life despite my depression. This was one of the best things I could have ever heard at a time when I was so upset about how I felt I was not functioning well and was losing hope in myself.

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"I understand why this would bother you."

 

With situational depression, or even situational triggers, I've found a kind of aversion to acknowledging why a person is suffering, by others. Instead, they either can't empathize at all, or they want to rationalize it away or sweep it under the rug or excuse it as if that might erase the reason to be upset. I've never understood this, maybe because I've always been painfully empathetic (and sensitive - but I don't regret that, as some people have seemed to think I should or must). I think getting acknowledgment of that kind is key to healing for most people. It certainly has been for me. The empathy of the two most effective counselors I've had was more potent for me than any of their advice.

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"I understand why this would bother you."

 

With situational depression, or even situational triggers, I've found a kind of aversion to acknowledging why a person is suffering, by others. Instead, they either can't empathize at all, or they want to rationalize it away or sweep it under the rug or excuse it as if that might erase the reason to be upset. I've never understood this, maybe because I've always been painfully empathetic (and sensitive - but I don't regret that, as some people have seemed to think I should or must). I think getting acknowledgment of that kind is key to healing for most people. It certainly has been for me. The empathy of the two most effective counselors I've had was more potent for me than any of their advice.

This is such a key piece of knowledge! A big life skill everyone needs to learn.

Sometimes all people need to hear from someone else is "I understand and respect what your experiencing, and it makes sense and I don't judge you for it."

This paradigm breaks down walls.

Sometimes a person can't move past whatever is blocking them until they get some empathy from,others. The longer we go without empathy, the harder we steel ourselves against any refuting argument however logical.

When I used to work child protection, counselling parents with serious addictions or domestic violence, the parents don't want anything to do with social workers, naturally, they deny their addictions and avoid intervention. But as soon as I would be able to convey a heartfelt respect that yes, I see that they are good parents and love their kids so much, despite their problems, then suddenly they would start to open up to receiving resources or supports and actually improve their families lives.

For us with depression, or other mental health concerns, thanks to the stigma of mental health we are constantly burrowing in our own psyches, judging ourselves relentlessly for how stupid, pathetic or crazy our symptoms or actions are"......of course it's a mountain of relief when someone lets us feel a tiny bit normal by saying, hey yes, that feeling of distress u experienced in reaction to that scenario, I get that, that's a fairly natural reaction.

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"If you cannot now be cured of your depression, at least use it to your advantage and not to your detriment." 

 

I've been thinking about this idea lately myself. Like how anxious people can be the safest people to be around because they sense danger the fastest (and/or can anticipate negative outcomes and prepare for them), depressed people can also do similar things that are useful for planning/avoiding hardships. Obviously there's still a lot of struggle involved but it's possible that on better functioning days, a person can learn to use the insight anxiety and depression bring to help plan for contingency.

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  • 3 weeks later...

" You do not have to feel bad when someone tries to make you feel bad or you try to make yourself feel bad.  Sometimes you just have to think or say:  'so what?'    You are lazy.  So what?  You are weak or cowardly.  So what?  You are stupid or crazy.  So what?

 

No one can undermine your self-esteem without your permission. 

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